Tuesday, March 07, 2006

March Madness at Chez Karma

Hooooooooooooooooo-wee!! I love the NCAA Tournament! I love the conference tournaments for the automatic bids, I love the invitation show, I love the whole darn thing. Ironically, my alma mater has traditionally crapped out of the first round just about every year. Oh wait, one year in recent memory they made it to the Sweet Sixteen. But that was shortly before the Recruitment Violation Drama and subsequent sanctions began.

Oh, Quin. I loved you. And your suits. And your hair. And your voice. And your hair.

I even gave my youngest son the middle name of Quinn in your honor (thank God I had the sense to add the extra N so I could deny it later).

We had such high hopes that you'd bring the wisdom osmosed from the Great Coach K and turn our program around. Oh well.

So here's the best news out of Columbia in the last month or two - the Tigers beat the Huskers on Sunday so they will finish 11th in the Big 12! YAY! And this week, I believe, is the Big 12 tourney where we'll play Nebraska again in the first round. I hate to be a fair-weather fan, but, guys, yer killin' us.

In other sports news, Minnesota Twins Legend Hall of Famer Kirby Puckett has died of a stroke at age 45. He has to be the reason why Baseball Pants are Stretchy. Seriously. Check out his batting stance. His ass is outside of the batter's box. I even coined the phrase "KPA" - Kirby Puckett Ass - once when trying on jeans ("Hey, do these give me KPA?"). I'm in no way dissing the man's athletic ability, character, or any of his accomplishments on and/or off the field. I'm just sayin the man had an effin enormous backyard.

Oh, and a sexual assault lawsuit, which has nothing to do with anything, I just thought I'd mention it. Here's a lil sumthin I found about Kirby's Dark Side.

Kirby Puckett


Baseball fans across the country were shocked last year when Hall of Famer Kirby Puckett, one of the game’s most beloved figures, was charged with sexually assaulting a woman at a suburban Minneapolis restaurant.

But that incident was merely the latest in a pattern of alleged sexual indiscretions and violent acts by the former Minnesota Twins icon, according to the cover story by Frank Deford, with special reporting by George Dohrmann, in this week’s Sports Illustrated.

Puckett has pleaded innocent in the restaurant incident, and is scheduled to go on trial March 24 for false imprisonment and criminal sexual assault.

Laura Nygren, whom SI describes as Puckett's "mistress of many years," told the magazine that Puckett resumed an affair with her just seven weeks after he was married in 1986 -- then cheated on Nygren with numerous other women.

After the onset of glaucoma in his right eye forced him to retire in 1996, Puckett began committing lewd acts in public, such as urinating in mall parking lots, Nygren told SI. Her relationship with the ex-ballplayer ended last March after he allegedly threatened her and she obtained a temporary order of protection.

Shortly before Puckett was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in January 2001, a female employee of the Twins threatened to file a sexual harassment suit against the team because of Puckett’s and other men’s behavior. The Twins allegedly made a financial settlement with her, according to SI. The Twins declined to comment to the magazine about this allegation.

Puckett’s ex-wife, Tonya, divorced him in December, barely a year after she told police that he threatened to kill her during a telephone conversation. Over the years, she told SI, Puckett had also tried to strangle her with an electrical cord, locked her in the basement and used a power saw to cut through a door after she had locked herself in a room. Once, she said, he even put a cocked gun to her head while she was holding their young daughter.

Puckett’s upcoming trial stems from charges that he pulled a woman into the men’s room of a restaurant in Eden Prairie, Minn., on Sept. 5, 2002, and fondled her. The woman told police that Puckett released her only when her girlfriend opened the door to the men’s room and screamed.

Puckett, who retired with a .318 career average, 207 home runs, 1,085 RBIs and 134 stolen bases in 12 seasons, helped Minnesota win the World Series in 1987 and 1991. But the 5-foot-8, 230-pound center fielder was revered in the Twin Cities -- and throughout baseball -- as much for his “good guy” nature as for his play.

He and his ex-wife were involved in numerous community projects and during his career he won the Branch Rickey and the Roberto Clemente Man of the Year awards for community service. He’s also a member of the World Sports Humanitarian Hall of Fame.

But that image also was a sham, according to Nygren. One day after he had retired, she told SI, they were together when Puckett said he had to leave to visit a sick child who was waiting to meet him.

“That’s great, you get to make that kid’s day,” Nygren told him. “That must make you feel good.” But she said Puckett just snapped back at her.

“I don’t give a s---,” he said. “It’s just another kid who’s sick.”

Puckett declined to be interviewed for the SI story.


And, if you're interested, CLICK HERE for another Kirby Tale from twincities.com 2003 that's a little more detailed.

On the subject of Sports Celebrity Boo-tay, word on the street is that Terry Bradshaw's nekkid ass appears in the new movie Failure to Launch. I'll go on record and say that I think Terry's hilarious. I bet he's a fun date. In fact, I'd love to go on a Dream Date with Terry Bradshaw. (Yeah, I know I'm married. R knows I want to hang with TB.) I admire him a whole helluva lot for his efforts to de-stigmatize Depression Meds. And I love that he can laugh at himself. My kinda guy. So if you know Terry, tell him to call me.


DomesticOverlord said...

EW! Dream date with Terry Bradshaw!?

Then again, I'd goon a dream date with Jon Stewart and he's no tall dark adonis, either.

Penny Karma said...

Oh, I love Jon too.

"For those of you who are keeping score at home, I just want to make something very clear: Martin Scorcese, zero Oscars; Three 6 Mafia, one."

I think a lot of people just don't "get" him. Kinda like how I thought Dennis Miller on Monday Night Football was outstanding, but, alas, too many football fans don't understand arcane references like "Romulus and Remus". Damn shame.

Bezzie said...

Well if we're going to talk dating about football broadcasters, I like to get me a piece of college game day's Kirk Herbstreet--rorrrw. I've always preferred college football over NFL anyways...
And Jon Stewart---good looking and intelligent! It don't get much better than that.

Stacie said...

I love Frank Deford, the sport commentator on NPR's Morning Edition. HE IS AWESOME! I also love Terry in Cannon Ball Run. OK now you know, I am old! I really enjoy baseball, but I suck at remembering players names. Maybe I'm in it for the hot dogs and beer? And my secret crush is on John Goodman. Weird, huh? I love him!