Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Year-End Reflections

Today is the kids' last day of Winter Break. It's always kind of a bittersweet day for me. On the one hand, I will be SO happy to not have to entertain the three of them all day. That was really wearing me out. But, I will miss having them around to be goofy with.

Of course Christmas, T's birthday and New Year's all carried the usual stresses, but Beeb and I watched all three of the Anne Of Green Gables movies over a four-day period. I'd been reminded of how wonderfully inspiring they are recently in a discussion on the Knittyboard with OldLadyPenPal and Raeknits!

And another highlight of the last two weeks was seeing Borat with Aunties Yettie and Tayo. Funny movie, definitely not for the squeamish.

Still, I'm depressed.

It's a combination of post-Christmas letdown, and a general sense of having failed miserably in the past year and the high probability that I will fail again in 2007, the fact that I weigh twenty pounds more than I did at this time last year, and my impending birthday.

I have come to dread my birthday in recent years. I'm still trying to forget my last three birthdays in which I've enjoyed a HUGE (ie. the words "GET OUT" were shouted) fight with R, a kidney infection, and a -$600 bank balance.

I know it's seasonal and situational, but I'm still fighting the urge to go back on the meds that I managed to kick this past year (one of my prouder accomplishments of 2006, if I could separate it in my head from the weight gain that came along with it). I know it wouldn't be a big deal if I went back on, but part of me would feel like I'd failed at yet another thing.

Another thing that's on my mind - remember how desperately I wanted to get out of this house and into one of our own and how hard I was working on having this be our last year as Elite's prisoners? Well, this won't be the year. I'm heartbroken, but I agree with the logic that we should stay another year.

I feel like it's entirely my fault. I haven't managed the money well. I've tried, honestly. And I've actually made significant progress in cleaning up our credit. But I really, REALLY wanted to get out of here, and at that goal, I have failed. I know I shouldn't be upset and I should be glad that we have a place to live, but I've lost sleep over this.

R is also suffering from insomnia, currently. It's putting a strain on everyone.

So I thought that to make myself feel better I'd do a few things:

A) Read back over the last year of my silly little blog to remind myself of something good that I did over the last year.

B) Set a goal for myself for next year that I can actually accomplish.

C) Look through personal ads and allow the desperation of ugly people who can't spell to remind me that I am indeed a goddess among mortals.

And here's what I came up with as my 2006 highlights.

Hosted an online Oscar Party with Red Carpet Snark.

Flashed my Stash.

Survived for five days without electricity and endured the ongoing ineptitude of my property managers.

Began the Fuggablog.

Sprayed hairspray in my cooch and lived to tell about it.

Explained Lesbians to Beebie.

Explained Boobs to Pie.

Removed a potty seat from Tito's head.

Found a toffee recipe that uses two sticks of butter.

Overcame my fear of ordering at Starbux.

Knitted a crown.

Met Fellow Knittyheads Rachele and Rachelknits at Knitorious.

Hosted an online Emmy Awards Party.

Received 96 bottles of Simple Green.

Bashed Celebrity Duets.

Began Wookin Pa Nub Wednesdays.

Celebrated one year of Blogging.

Saw The Yarn Harlot.

Attended The Pirate Festival.

Pottytrained both of my sons.

Met Mr. McFeeley.

Went to HaHaTonka.

Revealed to the world that I have Power Panties.

Made Tito a James costume.

Took a trip to Texas with the kiddos and met BEZZIE and Chunky.

Visited Amylovie at Yarntopia (and met Sheryl too).

And, finally, Twelve Days of Wookin.

Not such a bad year when I limit myself to the positive stuff.

And so, here is my goal: I will knit a sweater this year.

And I'll make some socks. I swear I will. I can't believe how much sock yarn I have and not one sock to show for it. YET.

I have actually taken a step in the direction of meeting the sweater goal already! I signed up for an Intermediate Knitting class at Kirkwood Knittery, wherein I will learn to knit a basic shell.

It's my birthday present to myself.

Maybe I'll make my shell out of FunFur, just to be funny.

And furry.


Poops said...

You forgot one.

You brought sunshine and laughter to some of us on days when our lives were near to unbearable. You are a source of humor and SAHM inspiration to some of us on a daily basis.

I wish you nothing but blessings in this coming year.

Bezzie said...

Yup. Exactly what Poops said. I mean you brought upon us an epidemic of Laughing Induced Incontinence (LII). The only known cure for LII is wearing a stuffed shirt. And those things get uncomfortable. I'll just buy another few shares of stock in Depends and keep on reading your blog in 2007.

And don't worry about the house thing. My goal was to have a house by the time I'm 30. Yeah, it ain't happening.

DomesticOverlord said...

I totally agree with poops. WHenever something sucks at my house I come read about what sucks at your house and then I feel like there's someone like me out there. And if by some strange circumstance we meet and the universe doesn't end, then that my friend, will be the most awesomest day ever.

Anonymous said...

Poops did hit the nail on the head. I think you underestimate the number of people to whom you bring a little laughter. Sometimes it's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there going thru some of the same things you are going thru, namely trying to potty train a very resistant little boy. I was hoping to have a college degree by now and that is not even close to happening yet so don't get too down about the house.

My motto is "Don't worry about the things you cannot change/control". That has helped me tremendously. The past is just that and it cannot be changed. Did I get a lil too preachy there? Not my intention at all.

Anyway, here's to a new year!!

OldLadyPenPal said...

I adore you, and I've never met your ass. I'd bake you a cake at the last minute to take to the Cake Bake Off if your kid dropped the one you made. I know you'd do the same for me. You spread goodness and wicked humor. You are thoughtful, caring, generous, intelligent, diligent, a true Mother. (Not Mutha, Mother.) Your honesty and complete lack of happy-facing absolutely endears you to so many of us.
Don't feel down. Things will look up. They already are!! But when they start to backslide into suckiness, you know where we are. (You and your wicked site meter!!!)

Carol said...

Concentrate on the positive stuff. Or the silver lining, if you will. For example: Yup, you are still renting. But when the heat goes off, the plumbing explodes or the windows break, YOU don't have to pay for it! (although you WILL have to continue to remove your kids' heads from foreign objects!) And if it's any consolation, the rest of us have sucky lives too. (some people just manage to hide it better)

cpurl17 said...

PK, You are so the person I wish was my neighbor or in my knitting group or in the cube next to me.

When you do get that dream home, and I know you will, I hope I'm on the invite list for the house-warming!

Dan said...

PK, poops is right on the money.
Christmas is full of stress, as I had a houseful of family, my body just laughed at my BP and anxiety meds. They are all gone and the BP is back to normal.

You seemed to focus on the cup being half empty instead of half full. Ok so you did not make it to buy a house, but at least you have the ability to rent a house.

Your recent birthdays have sucked, but you have made it to those birthdays.

You gained weight, others would just like to have a meal to maintain their weight.

Your biggest accomplishment of the year....you are a mom to your 3 children!!! I could flood you with articles of the abused and neglected children that would be thrilled to have a concerned , loving mom, looking after them.

Here is to a positive 2007. Thanks for the smiles that your blog brings to me.

Sharpie said...

In case i have not shared enough love your way - consider yourself SMOTHERED. Those personal ads have kept me laughing for DAYS.

And Happy Birthday Girl!!!!!!!

buttercup said...

Ditto to all of the above. I don't comment all that often, but know that I've been coming here and reading for a long time. I joined the Fug-a-long because your take on everything makes me laugh.

Mostly, you make me feel like I'm not so alone in my own sh*t. So... Thanks PK for your blog and your wicked, honest sense of humor.

Cindy said...

Poops is right (you have no idea how funny that sounds out loud). Lighten up, grrrl. You have three wonderful kids, a great hubby. So you don't own a house. Sofuckinwhat. I own a house. I cut my own grass, I fix my own stuff. It's hard and expensive. Your time will come. The weight part.....join the club! You are a terrific writer and I have enjoyed your blog. Happy Birthday and have fun at the Knittery (that place is too cool).

Anonymous said...

You knit that sweater. And you lighten up. Seasonal depression sucks. Money trouble sucks. Lots of stuff sucks. It's time to say fuckit and go have a high ol' time!

Anonymous said...

You accomplished so much! Seriously, the potty training thing in and of itself is a major achievement. Don't be so hard on yourself!!

Good for you on signing up for that class. I stopped by Kirkwood Knittery, and the woman I talked to was so nice. Too bad all their sock yarn had mohair in it. Good luck with your socks and sweater! Get Sensational Knitted Socks--it is THE BEST knitting book ever!

Anonymous said...

Reading your blog has caused me to smile, and sometimes even laugh, on some of my worst days this past year, and that's not easy to do. There have been several times when I've read your blog and thought, "Boy, I really needed that laugh today! Hooray for Sarah's blog!"

I also enjoy reading your non-funny posts, because it's very comforting to know there's someone else out there who has overwhelming days, who sometimes struggles with depression, and who is willing to admit that she does REAL stuff, some good and some bad, instead of putting on a false front of happiness and perfection.

So, yeah. You accomplished something good in 2006.

Joel Widdershins said...

Yes, Penny Darling, you are most assuredly a goddess among mortals, and that's even without taking "the girls" into account at all.

I am intensely and morbidly curious to hear about the "hairspray up da cooter" story!