Thursday, July 23, 2009

More Inspirational Tampons.

This is for Skye, who is in Brilliance withdrawal.

You may remember the last batch of these. They were funny.

Once again, Playtex Sport, you have amused me more than a tampon really should.

I'm supposed to run an extra mile when I'm on the rag? RIGHT.

Ummmm... NO.

Fuck off.

I could challenge myself to see how loud I can say FUCK OFF, would that count?

I don't think so.

We're probably all on the same cycle by now!

I love how they cover their asses on this one - they want me to play to win (and I believe that one of my tampons last month assured me that it was "on my team"), but what if I'm a lazyass who doesn't really feel like challenging myself and I'd just prefer to sit on the sidelines doubled over and cursing Eve?

Oh yeah, see? I told you Winning Isn't Everything.
Thank you, I'll be in the locker room if you bitches need me.

Now THAT, I can do.
I'll be celebrating my bold attitude with a Margarita.

Damn straight!

Particularly when it comes to Stalking.

Restraining orders are for pussies!
Prove your devotion! MAKE him love you!!

How 'bout if I skooch over a little to make room for you, and we get all catty and talk shit about all the other girls? Sound fun?

By "You" I assume you're referring to my Fallopian Tubes?

Sigh... It's almost enough to make me actually look forward to that time of the month.

I said ALMOST.


Skye said...

Awesome! thank you! I thought it was a joyous day yesterday when I got free pantyliner samples in the mail, but I'm completely overcome today by inspirational-tampon-induced ecstasy.

Anonymous said...

These posts always inspire me so...

Penny - I'll make you a margarita any time you want.

SiressYorkie said...

There are plenty of links for tampon-related crafts if these buggers really get to annoying you...Show those cotton plugs who's boss by dipping them in paint and making conversation pieces out of them!!

Word verification: SCORNED. Never trust a tampon scorned...

Anonymous said...

Scorned is right up there with grope for best verification word ever.

Audrey S. from Knitty said...

Thank G-d for menopause. What are all of us couch potato menstruators (this would include my daughter) supposed to do, wallow in our athletic ineptitude all month long? As if a non-athletic girl's self-esteem doesn't take constant hits*t.

Makes me grateful I had my surgery when I did...

Oh, and my verification word looks a lot like "mucus"...

SiressYorkie said...

Kev, which came first? The groping or the scorning?? Seems like I've been on both sides of that fence...

Don Newbury said...

These are really funny. I also like your blog because I think you're borderline nuts and I like that. With your permission, I'm going to put a link on my blog. Please feel free to do the same with mine. Thanks and keep up the good work.