Friday, January 04, 2008

2007: A Look Back and a Look Forward.

I'm taking a wee break from Wii Bowling to contemplate the goals I set for myself last year and how close I came to meeting them.

I re-read my January 2, 2007 post. Here are some highlights, with my added comments in bold:

I'm depressed.

It's a combination of post-Christmas letdown, and a general sense of having failed miserably in the past year and the high probability that I will fail again in 2007, the fact that I weigh twenty pounds more than I did at this time last year (this year I haven't lost weight, but I haven't gained either, so I guess that's not bad), and my impending birthday.

I have come to dread my birthday in recent years. I'm still trying to forget my last three birthdays in which I've enjoyed a HUGE (ie. the words "GET OUT" were shouted) fight with R, a kidney infection, and a -$600 bank balance. Last year I woke up to an ice storm that knocked our power out for a few hours.

I know it's seasonal and situational, but I'm still fighting the urge to go back on the meds that I managed to kick this past year (one of my prouder accomplishments of 2006, if I could separate it in my head from the weight gain that came along with it). I know it wouldn't be a big deal if I went back on, but part of me would feel like I'd failed at yet another thing. I'm back on now, and I've added a new pharmaceutical friend to my arsenal, too. And I'm ok with it.

Another thing that's on my mind - remember how desperately I wanted to get out of this house and into one of our own and how hard I was working on having this be our last year as Elite's prisoners? Well, this won't be the year. I'm heartbroken, but I agree with the logic that we should stay another year.

I feel like it's entirely my fault. I haven't managed the money well. I've tried, honestly. And I've actually made significant progress in cleaning up our credit. But I really, REALLY wanted to get out of here, and at that goal, I have failed. I know I shouldn't be upset and I should be glad that we have a place to live, but I've lost sleep over this. R is also suffering from insomnia, currently. It's putting a strain on everyone.

We managed to negotiate a six-month lease and we got the perfect house for our family in a location that we absolutely love. PLUS, we got $825 of our $950 deposit back, after having lived there for three years. And I never have to deal with those half-wits at Evilite ever again.

So I thought that to make myself feel better I'd do a few things:

A) Read back over the last year of my silly little blog to remind myself of something good that I did over the last year.

B) Set a goal for myself for next year that I can actually accomplish.

C) Look through personal ads and allow the desperation of ugly people who can't spell to remind me that I am indeed a goddess among mortals. I totally need to start doing that again.

And so, here is my goal: I will knit a sweater this year.

And I'll make some socks. I swear I will. I can't believe how much sock yarn I have and not one sock to show for it. YET.

I have actually taken a step in the direction of meeting the sweater goal already! I signed up for an Intermediate Knitting class at Kirkwood Knittery, wherein I will learn to knit a basic shell.

All, right, so I didn't knit a sweater. I didn't even finish the shell I was supposed to make for the class. I finished the front piece and the back piece, attached them at the shoulders (inside-out, but that's not even the point) and saw that it looked absolutely huge and ridiculous on me and I hated it.

So later I tried to make a ribbed (for my pleasure) tank top and I think I did pretty good with it but I only finished part of the first half of it and it's still sitting in my kickass Lexie Barnes bag in the closet because I can't remember which pattern I was using for it. I also found, while in the process of moving and organizing my yarny stuff, the City Shawl I started two Thanksgivings ago that still isn't finished because I made a mistake somewhere early on and didn't realize it for a while, and I couldn't decide whether or not I wanted to go back and fix it. I should fix it and finish it, shouldn't I?

I have an embarrassing number of UFO's laying around. Including the sock I also resolved to make but didn't, but that wasn't entirely my fault. I took a class and the leader gave us the wrong instructions and I just haven't had the heart to tear out my work and start over. So that's in my kickass Lexie Barnes bag too, taunting me.

So I'm 0 for 2 on my knitting goals from last year, BUT...

I did learn the provisional cast-on, except for the ripping-out and picking up stitches part.

I learned how to add beads.

I learned how to do Feather and Fan.

I learned how to read a chart, kinda.

I learned how to do cables.

I bought a kickass Lexie Barnes knitting bag to house my UFO's.

I organized some of my needles (only after discovering that I had duplicate sets of several sizes of DPN's). I still want a DPN roll or some other organizing tool.

I went TEN FULL MONTHS without buying yarn. I'm extremely proud of that.

I got four skeins of practically free Frosting yarn at Hobby Lobby and made three scarves in a day and a half for Beeb's triplet friends.

I knitted ALL teachers' gifts, spending $0 out of pocket. PLUS, I shared the joy of snarky gift-giving with my daughter.

So I feel that I grew as a knitter this year, thanks in large part to Turtlegirl and the Ice Queen. And I also feel that I grew as a person this year. I looked back over my blog and found some of the more stellar moments:

I lost my Ren Faire virginity. And I LOVED it.

And, whoda thunk, my Midnight Book Release Party virginity. And again, LOVED it.

I bought Beeb a bra.

I gave the kids an unforgettable St. Pat's Celebration at Hometown Buffet and Dirt Cheap Liquor.

I went on my first job interview in seven years. And I walked 15 blocks in heels, in the rain, with a broken umbrella afterwards.

I stood up to FIL, just a little. And it felt fantastic.


I drank three free beers at Grant's Farm and two at the Brewery in one day.

I ate a Guberburger.

I maintained my composure amidst an Airport Security situation.

Team Karma continued to reign supreme at the Pevely Flea Market Costume Contest.

I got rid of everything Barbie-related in my house.

I sent Pie to Kindergarten and I only cried a little.

I killed the car.

I ate Spotted Dick.

And, of course the biggies - I celebrated ten years of wedded bliss to the King of my Heart, I bought a van AND a house, and my parents visited three times (in March, July, and December), and on their most recent visit, I hosted them in my house for five days without killing anyone. That was a HUGE accomplishment. And I actually discovered that I love entertaining. Well, I always knew I loved entertaining, but now that I actually get to do it I realize how much I've missed it over the last several years.

So, looking back, I think 2007 ws overall a pretty good year. Far better than expected, actually. And although there were some specific goals that I laid out for myself which were not met, there were monumental accomplishments which I couldn't possibly have forseen exactly 365 days ago.

And as for my goals for 2008?

A) I will defeat the Ice Queen and document it for y'all's edification. If I'm up at 3am on December Thirtyfuckinfirst, I'll finish that bitch. I'll unload my Circular Needles of Terror and let her taste my wrath.

Beyond that, I don't know if I really want to set any other goals. My greatest achievements of the past year were the ones I didn't plan. So I think I'll sit back and see what learning experiences come my way if I open my mind to them.

And just for fun, here's one of my favorite lines from all of 2007:

Do NOT screw with a chick sportin' two pairs of panties and an eyeball ulcer. Especially when it's 100 degrees outside. DO NOT.


Kevin said...

I'm of the opinion that life can't be planned, so resolutions should be either near-future specific accomplishments, or should not be made. There's no way to know what's going to happen in the next 365 days! I guarantee that January 1 of last year I could NOT have envisioned myself where I am now! And yet, I'm so much the better for where I am. The best resolution you can make, in my opinion, is "I will make the most of each situation with which I am presented."

But yeah, you should totally kick the Ice Queen's ass. Show her who wears the Power Panties in your house!

Kaye said...

Ha ha, great post. It never seems like you accomplished much until you look back doesn't it?

LadyJayde said...

"Do NOT screw with a chick sportin' two pairs of panties and an eyeball ulcer. Especially when it's 100 degrees outside. DO NOT."

Snorted. Tea. Out. My. Nose.

It was citrus. It burned. Now I have to go read the blog post you linked...

Here's to a good 2008! Best of luck with Ice Queen.

shiguy4076 said...

I am so looking forward to reading your posts this year. Awesome year too!!!

Ed said...

Have I left a comment already?

Batty said...

You really have accomplished a lot. Congratulations! Who needs resolutions when you seem to grow and get things done without them? The rest of us regular people do, but you did better than OK without.

And I love the idea of reading personals ads as a way of making me feel better. I think I'll give this a try.

Robin said...

I cannot wait for you to make that Ice Queen your bitch. ;)

And you are much better at this "new year resolution" thing. Mostly, I resolve things like "eat fewer kumquats" or "stop my kids from growing up before I'm ready".

ZantiMissKnit said...

Love ya!

allisonmariecat said...

Hi, I keep lurking and thought I'd actually comment. Sounds like you accomplished a ton last year! Feeling like you succeeded or failed is partly about the goals you set, and it sounds like your manageable goal is great. I'm avoiding resolutions like the plague this year!