Thursday, October 26, 2006

Just Minor Craziness. And a Tiny Hint of Complete and Utter Mayhem.

Despite this blog's sensationalized evidence to the contrary, my life is actually pretty boring most of the time.

Yesterday, however, I became totally convinced that the first sound I hear in the morning is like a crystal ball prediction for the quality of my day. How I long for my wake-up sound to be the actual alarm clock (set for 6:15)!

I awoke at about 4:30am to the tell-tale sound of the laundry chute door snapping shut. I've become very familiar with this sound recently. It invariably means that someone has peed in his bed and he's trying to hide the evidence. Someone named TITO.


So I get up and confront him and I make him help me strip the bed, and wipe him down and find him some clothes rather than put a new pair of pajamas on him. Then, since he's dressed, he figures it's breakfast time. No, I said, you come lay down with me in my bed. I have a long day ahead of me and I need a little more sleep.

He wants chocolate milk. Fine. Grrrrrrrr.

An hour later, he gets up to poop. YAY! As I'm giggling at his overly-thatrical poop-grunts (think of a James Brown record being played at a really slow speed), he calls me in to wipe him, and I notice that the flushable wipes are all gone. Those things are so darn convenient. But paper'll do in a pinch. Whatever.

Wednesday is usually R's day off. This week, however, he has some kind of training for work, which means, this week only, he works 8-5 Monday through Friday and he's off on Saturday. Let me say this again for emphasis.

R'S OFF THIS SATURDAY. For the first time in YEARS.

Here's the downside. That means he has to work on his regular day off.

Had I known he'd be working yesterday, I certainly would not have scheduled Pie's Aquatherapy, Beeb's Parent-Teacher Conference, and my Pilates Class for that day.

So, as I mentioned, the day started out rough, and I knew it was only going to get worse.

I dropped the boys off at 9ish and drove to Garden Ridge to look for some silly party decorations and prizes to send to my mom for her birthday. Last year I sent a Party In A Box (huge box of hats, balloons, streamers, games and prizes) and my sister made all of it into a fun party that my mom really enjoyed, so I thought I'd do it again.

Her birthday is Sunday, and if I didn't get the package in the mail Wednesday, it might not get there in time. So I had to squeeze a trip to the Post Office into an already overbooked day.

I found lots of silly little things and miraculously got them to fit in a box which I taped securely and put in the car so I could run by the Post Office after I pick up the boys (since now I don't have time to go there before I pick them up).

Pickup went fine, only they're both whining that they're starving. They don't stay for lunch at their school anymore. It's ok, guys, I tell them, we'll hurry and be home for lunch in just a few minutes. Famous last words.

Tito loves to press buttons. So I had to start over at the little Automatic Package Mailing Machine about three times. I shoulda just waited in the line, only the last time I waited in the line, he pulled the rope-gate thing over (after I'd told him about twelve times to stop touching it) with a thundering CLANG and I was completely mortified by the fact that my children obviously never listen to me.

While I'm mailing the package, I get not one, but two calls on my cell phone. From people I don't talk to every day - my friend Canadian Eric and Ry's former Aquatherapist who I haven't talked to in months. Amazing.

So $12 later, the package is on its merry way to San Antonio and I am on my way to my next stop: Target. To buy more flushable wipes. Oh, and the Nacho Libre DVD with the free mask inside (RIGHTEOUS!!!!). And candy. And pencils. And oh shit, suddenly it's 1:30. And crap, I forgot to buy milk.

Next stop is home. Lunchtime. Sandwiches take up the last of the bread. I see a Grocery Store stop in my immediate future.

After lunch, it's 2:30, time for Ry's Aquatherapy. I don't think I've talked about it much on here, but Ry was born with a very rare birth defect called Triad (or "Prune Belly") Syndrome. One of these days I'll tell the whole story of Ry's long-awaited entrance into the world, but the day-to-day reality of it is that his case is so incredibly mild compared to the worst-case scenarios that if you didn't know there was something wrong with him, you wouldn't know, other than his big ol' belly. Sorry for the tangent, but anyway, that's why he goes to Aquatherapy - to build his tummy muscles.

His therapist is late, so she runs a few minutes over to make up for it. We leave at 3:20. Beeb's bus arrives at 3:25, and her conference is at 3:45.

I haven't eaten anything all day.

The boys and I get home, Beeb gets home, I grab some snacks for everyone and we head to Beeb's school for conferences. All A's and B's. She needs to turn her work in on time. Overall, a very good report. Yay, Beeb.

Next comes the Unscheduled but Suddenly Necessary Pit Stop at the Grocery Store. Just milk and bread this time. And jelly. And frozen pizzas. And ice cream. And oh shit, it's 4:30 and my Pilates Class is at 5:15. And I forgot to buy brown mustard.

I should mention that I missed the first class last week because I was out Schmoozing with FIL and the Symphony - at the free event that cost me almost $50 in babysitting costs. The Aldis saved their money and brought 1 1/2 year old Aldiboy, who ran through the aisles chased by The Reverend. That was almost worth the price of admission right there. Almost.

Home for a quick dinner. I have to apologize profusely to the kids that there isn't time to make the frozen pizza - even though, as they quite vocally reminded me, I had bought it with the intention of making it for dinner - so we'll have to have something fast. I put Beeb in charge of dinner while I put on my Pilates Attire and dusted off my mat. She made hot dogs, or more accurately, pools of ketchup with a side order of hot dog.

Got everyone fed and in the car, and headed to Pilates (the same building where Ry had had his Aquatherapy earlier). Dropped the kids off with the babysitter and sheepishly walked into the classroom. I was afraid I'd be intimidated and completely out of my element, but this class was the best part of my day. The instructor was awesome and I really enjoyed the class. So I think I'll stick with Pilates and Bellydancing for now. Aerobics can kiss my jiggly white ass.

So I survived the craziest day in recent memory, and after I picked up the kids all I could think about was having a bowl of soup and watching Jeff "Soup" Suppan shut down the Tigers in Game Four. Sigh, rained out. So I watched 30 Rock - if you haven't seen this show, kids, it's great. I'm waiting for the repeat of ANTM on Sunday.

And then I put on my damn jammies, knowing that I could stay in them as long as I wanted the next morning.

Now, the only thing crazier than a crazy day at Chez Karma is the day AFTER the crazy day, when I have to cram in all the things I should have done yesterday but didn't have time. Like laundry. There's a freakin metric ton of laundry in my basement, but it's been raining for two days now and I'm afraid to go down there.

I got to sleep in till 6 today. BLISS! And remember how yesterday I woke up to the sound of the laundry chute?

Today it was the sound of glass breaking. Beeb broke the glass teapot. Sigh.

UPDATE: About thirty seconds after I posted, I went into the bathroom to retrieve the empty toilet paper roll per Ryan's repeated request (so he can watch for Pirates) and found a puddle of pee on the floor. Apparently, someone peed in his little potty seat and subsequently knocked it over. Lovely.

Once again, we see the direct relationship between the first sound I hear in the morning and the quality of the rest of my day.

To summarize, that's "Wake up to crap, you get crap all day." It's 11:00am now. Is it too late to go back to bed?

Oh, I almost forgot the kicker - all three Apes are home from school tomorrow.

UPDATE #2 (12:30pm):

Yes, these are Tito's grape jelly handprints on Ryan's back.

I predict several more updates as the day progresses. I took a shower and put on my KMA Power Panties.

Check back periodically.


Amy said...

Oh, PK. I have days like that too. I'm so glad you have the PP to help you through it, girl.

LilKnitter said...

Sweet have such moxy!

And I love that I'm not the only person in with PP!! And pilates will do just as much for your ass as aerobics! You'll have a dancer-ass! Hoo-wah!

DomesticOverlord said...

These days Miss Beans can't keep anything in her diapers, Darth has a b-day party on Saturday that I haven't planned AT ALL, and I'm possibly halfway done knitting his birthday socks at a gauge of 10sts/inch. I totally get how you feel.

Want to run away to... well, anywhere with me? We'll road trip it. It'll be like Natural Born Killers meets Super Troopers meets Thelma and Louise meets National Lampoon's Vacation.

Dan said...

Just got home to watch the game,looks like it could be a good finish tonight. I see Pudge must have gotten hold of a slump buster. Go Tigers!!

Hoping the start of your day carries over to the Cards. Needs to go 7 games and be a nail biter.

Bob said...

Wouldn't it be easier on you to keep Tito in a diaper/pullup until at night so that you wouldn't have to wake up to the laundry door slamming and bed strippings? (Or maybe I just had to ask because I have an ebay auction running now for a lot of 222 boys pullups, hehehe). I guess when you said the other day that you had bought your last pack of diapers, you meant it!
At least your days are exciting and action packed - I bet you don't know where the time even goes on some of them.

Penny Karma said...

I would still rather wash bedsheets than buy diapers! Plus, he usually pees through the diapers anyway.

I figured I might as well save the money. God knows I've been known to make a sacrifice or two in the name of frugality.

P.S. GO CARDS!!!!!!!!!!

Dan said...

You never just lob the ball to 1st base. Forget what McCarver said it had nothing to do with bare handing the ball. You need to throw it with authority. The pitchers are killing us with their throws to the bases.
What the Eck?? He killed us.
I concede the series, it is done. Enjoy the parade.

Genki said...

Oh gosh, what a day. After reading that, I won't ask my boyfriend when we are going to get married and have kids! The most exciting thing that happened to me today was that I forgot my glasses, so had a very mild eyestrain by the end of the day. Hope you have a great weekend (especially Saturday)with R.

The Fluffy Ewe said...

Oh man, I thought my day was rough. I ventured out yesterday with both boys by myself and WHOA!! I cannot imagine doing it with 3. You got more strength than I ever will, hon.

PS- I got my loot in the mail. that stuff rocks!! Thanks a bunch!!