Thursday, September 21, 2006

My Bloggaversary Approacheth!

Hence, a contest seems appropriate.

I want to include both knitters and non-knitters, since I realize not all of my readers knit. Therefore, the prize will be something that can be enjoyed by Knitters and Muggles alike. Nuthin' spectacular, but it'll be worth the time you take to enter.

On October 3rd, I will randomly draw a name from everyone who leaves a friendly, edifying, semi-lucid comment on today's post. As my regular readers know, I'm an External Affirmation Whore, so creative brown-nosing is encouraged. Major Ass Kissing will earn you an additional entry (maximum of two entries per person). Suck up to the hostess and double your odds of winning a Major Award!

Can ya tell I'm having self-esteem issues today?

OK, I should have thought through the Contest thing a little more. I sound a little too needy. I'm just having an off day.

If you're not into butt-smoochin' (and that's okay), here are some alternative topics that you can also comment on for entry into the Big Extravaganza Bloggaversary Giveaway:

A) What would be the most hideous possible prize you can imagine? I promise not to give it to you. A leg lamp and a date with Billy Chenoweth have already been mentioned.

B) In case you haven't seen it, Clay Aiken is releasing a CD of Cover Songs. What would be the song you would LEAST want to hear him cover? What's the worst cover you've ever heard? Not counting Celebrity Duets.

C) Or say whatever you want, really. Just don't be mean to me. I'm feeling fragile today. Hold me.


mf said...

Hey let me be the fist to wish you A Happy happy blogiversary! Keep up the GREAT work and all your neat posts!
Sure hope to see your around for many more blogiversairies!


buttercup said...

I can totally see how someone could glean 12 or more hours of entertainment value from your blog... Either that or they're looking for unique potty training methods.

Wishing you many many more entertaining entries!

(Please let the major award be a Leg Lamp!)

Sarah said...

Oooh oooh - do we win a date with Billy Chenoweth?

I'll refrain from over the top ass kissing in favor of sincerity - you crack my sh!t up!

Happy almost blogiversary!

Penny Karma said...

Nope, it's a Bowling Alley!

If I had a leg lamp, would I give it away?? HELL NO!

Somebody TOTALLY needs to design a knitted version of the Leg Lamp, complete with a tag that says "Fra-JEEEEE-lay".

Sarah said...

I love Penny,
Yes I do!
She makes me laugh,
and talks of poo!

Kids are crazy,
But not as much
As Aldis, bra fondlers,
and other nuts!

She likes it cheap
and likes it good,
Why not give miss Sarah some love!

Talk of TV of poo and food
of people weird and people cool,
come here to look
and you will find

A wonderful,
and silly mind!

(You know I couldn't resist!)

Avrienne said...

A poem in your honor:

Oh, to be Sarah;
She is witty and true,
Funnier at making fun of people
Than me or you.

[[I love the post More Reasons to Be Glad You're Married! ;) ]]

lynnm said...

Happy blogversary! I would love a leg lamp. I saw them at a store a while back and am stil kicking myself (pun intended) for not buying one). Hot electric sex in the window.

As for worst cover song, William Hung is a given but how about Donnie and Marie singing Aint Nothing Like the Real Thing?

turtlegirl76 said...

Hmm...I don't think I'd want to hear Clay sing "Father Figure". It's bad enough looking back with the knowledge we now have of George Michael. Heh.

I want a leg lamp dammit. Hey, if Bezzie can knit a spider, you can knit a leg. I have faith in the lady who knit a crown!

Trillian42 said...

Happy blogiversary!

As far as Clay goes - I fear the thought of him coering "Iron Man"... or pretty much anything else by Ozzy, or Motley Crue, or heck, even Poison.


And yes - there needs to be a knitted stuffed Leg Lamp. I might even have to wodk on that one...

Penny Karma said...

I'm just glad that Donny and Marie didn't ever record "Afternoon Delight".

MrsFife said...

I'm really, really, really sorry, but I haven't the faintest idea who Clay/Chenoweth are. Would it be a bad prize if I don't know them?

PS. What is self-esteem and can you get it free online?

Penny Karma said...

Trust me, you're better off not knowing who Clay Aiken is.

Billy Chenoweth is the absolute creepiest TV character ever (from the HBO show Six Feet Under).

Poops said...

I think this begs for an additional question: What other songs covered by Donnie and Marie would make you run screaming in terror with your hands over your ears?

Personally, that would be "Islands in the Stream." For so many reasons. *shudder*

I would love to see The Gaykin cover "Welcome to the Jungle." For so many reasons.

I think the most hideous prize I could imagine winning is something I'd have to pay taxes on. Like winning a new car or a house, only to find out that I'd have to sell a kidney to insure it and pay the taxes. That would be hideous. Or anything out of the Harriet Carter catalog. Either one. For so many reasons.

Finally, since I'm not about butt-smoochin' (for so many reasons), I'd like to add that the Fabulous Ms Penny Karma is one of the funniest and most brilliant people I've never met. I stalk her shamelessly in every possible interpretation of "stalk" that there is.

Happy Bloggaversary!

Lissa said...

While not a released song, the worst cover I ever heard was some girl singing karaoke over the loudspeaker at Six Flags Darien Lake. She was singing (I should say destroying) Quit Playin' Games with my Heart. It was the stuff of nightmares. It was 1996. I felt bad for the Backstreet Boys.

I think Clay Aiken should cover Thunderstruck by AC/DC. I'd pay to see him try to get that one right!

Oh, and:

Go Penny, Go Penny, It's your Bloggiversary...

Cheryl said...

I loved Six Feet Under. They are rerunning it from square one on BRAVO starting soon!!!

You know I think you are fun-fun-funny --or dys-fun-ctional -- I never read your blog that I don't laugh my butt off.

The worst thing for Clay Aiken to sing would be "Muskrat Love".

Isn't it funny that Dancing with the Stars is all folks that don't have jobs otherwise??

A knitted leg? I know someone that got an amputated one in the mail once. It was suppossed to go to the cemetary to be buried. Hard to believe we were all laughing over it.....

of course I do have a cassette tape of Bruce Willis singing ..

Cheesy Knit Wit said...

Oh you know me PK, no bullshit on this end. Truthfully, you are a very kind, compassionate gal with an awesome sense of humor. You should be a stand up comic. I would come see you perform. The story you wrote about the pub. hair in your fries just made me love you even more.

I don't care if I win anything, I just want you to know that you are loved by myself and many others.

Take care!

Love and Hugs!

Bezzie said...

Ass kissing contest? Sign me up!!!

Why do I love the wonderous Penny Karma? Let me count the ways:

1. It's nice to know another crazy.

2. She's the motha to mah #1 peep!

3. Who else can I send 100 plastic spoons to?

4. She's influential. I never watched Stella Dallas before, but felt I needed to, to fully understand the daisy scout puppet government. (I think it was the daisy scouts??)

And worst prize ever? Hello! A large order of hot, fresh, oil drenched pube fries of course!

Rachel said...

Happy Blogaversary!

The worst prize ever has already been given. In one of the online knitting groups there was a "prize" of 2 partial balls of Wool of the Andes from Knitpicks. The best part? It was given without irony.

I would die if Clay Aiken covered Ring of Fire. It burns.

Cindy said...

Good Lord, you got poetry. I cannot compete, but I will put in my 2 pennies. First off, I read your blog every day. I have been lurking since the St. Louis Knits webring went up. Secondly, the song I least want Clay Aiken to sing (it was hard narrowing it down) is McArthur Park. Throw my name in the hat.

OldLadyPenPal said...

Prize I least want- An official Bra Fondling IN PERSON and worse yet IN BRA by Bra Fondler Ray.

Clay Aiken burns if he sings: In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel

Ass-smooching, here it is. PK is so fiendish, she brings me delight. I race to her blog by day and by night. Maker of blog-buttons, SP with cheap stuff, she makes such neat-o things like crowns out of fluff! her children, so snazzy! her husband has flair. who cares if she sprinkles corn starch in her hair? her in-laws, atrocious! her outlook, quite bright! but whisper all pervy, yer lookin' to fight! PK is a Mama of highest degree, just check out the pics of her kids and you'll see some children so happy, some children so loved (except for that poor boy whose left eye she shoved!) if butter's your poison she's there in a snap, if bitchy's your game it's your head she will thwap! Oh Pk, dear PK, so sweet and so true, just look at the minions that all love you!

Thank you, thank you. Yes, I'm available for private parties.

Elspeth said...

Ooh, those are some great Clay Aiken cover suggestions! I particuarly like "MacArthur Park". And the Donny and Marie ones are genius and scary at the same time.

I'd like/hate to hear Clay sing anything by Pansy Division. How about "Negative Queen"? (There are some more raunchy ones, but I know this is a family blog ;) )

Elspeth said...

How can you tell me a man who covers Dolly Parton isn't gay? I just checked out the Clay ("I swear I've grown up, my hair isn't even spiky anymore ...") Aiken CD and he has ruined everything from Paul Young to Dolly Parton. Yuck!

What's next for him, "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap"?

Penny Karma said...

Incidentally, Dolly Parton's cover of "Stairway To Heaven" is on my Worst Cover Ever list.

Bob said...

Penny Karma butt-kissing haikus from a devoted daily reader:

A laugh a minute
My tummy doubled over
Penny from Heaven

The Knitting Queen Lives!
Need new socks? Fuggah ‘bout it.
Harry Potter wand!

Terry Bradshaw Rules!
Cute Meteorologist!
Penny Karma dreams.

Happy Bloggaversary!

OldLadyPenPal said...

and i'm sure by "cheap" you knew i was referring to the CASP, right?

Sharon P said...

Eye Heart Ewe!

wonky said...

Ah, Sarah! From your ass shines pure brilliant white gold! Sunshine cannot compare to the brilliance of your wit. My heart is half jealousy, half love of your angelic demeanor and harmonious spirit!

Zonda said...

Happy Blogaversary!! What can I say that hasn't been said above!! Keep on with your witty and funny and verrry interesting self!! We need you!! :) (hugs!)

Knitted cool would that be!!

Dan said...

Nothing by Clay Aikens. How about an ABBA greatest hits CD.

To the wittiest, sharpest, coolest, hotest,person in Blogsville.

Found a penny read her site,
now my days are always bright.

Past it off to a friend,
now I started the coolest trend.

Here is an awesome video that explains the similar feeling I get when I read your site.

Elspeth said...

Okay, but Dolly Parton's cover of "Time For Me to Fly" by REO Speedwagon is my *favorite* cover (actually, second favorit). It's really good!

Star said...

I'm no claytriotic ameraiken but I would slit my wrists if I had to hear him do "Summer Breeze."

Jennifer said...

Happy Blogiversary! I just found my copy of A Very Penny Karma Christmas CD the other day. LOL!

As far as bad covers by Clay Aiken, I'd die of horror if he covered The Police Every Breath You Take.

Stacie said...

I wanna win! I love "Brilliance" and have been crying in my room every night since I have been too busy to blog! WAH!

cpurl17 said...

I think the worst cover I ever heard (and I'm not sure it's really a "cover' since it's a Christmas song) but, one time my sister and I were in my mother's car and she had one of those 1.99 cassettes you get at a supermarket bin and it had Johnny Cash singing the Little Drummer Boy.

I love Johnny Cash but this was so bad, it's become a treasured cpurl christmas memory.

Congrats on the blog, baby. As your pal Tina would sing, "You're Simply the Best"

Nicole said...

I can't believe nobody else thought of this one, but Clay Aiken should really never sing "I Touch Myself".

Penny Karma said...

Ok, that one got the Full-Body Shudder just now.

ZantiMissKnit said...

The most hideous prize would be, of course, a Clay Aiken CD!

Happy Blogaversary!!! I'm your fan!

Penny Karma said...

How about Clay Aiken singing Prince's "Darling Nikki"?

DomesticOverlord said...

Right, first things first, I revel in your awesomeness and can barely keep myself from hopping a plane to come worship you in person you righteous queen of all things excellent. I extol and salute you, oh Penny Karma, most beautiful and wise of all knit bloggers who don't really knit much (myself included).

BRB- I have to go brush the taste of your butt out of my mouth.

Okay, all better.

A) The most hideous prize I can think of is a gift certificate to the massage place that the guy who stalks you owns packaged in a book of his favorite misinterpreted quotes from classic novels.

B) I do not want to hear Clay Aiken cover Du Hast (Ramstein) or Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen). No I've got it! His worst cover would have to be Donna Summer's Love to Love Ya Baby. Ew, that would be way gross.

C) Marauding! Whenever I get to say whatever I want that's what I choose. I love that word.