Monday, May 15, 2006

Unrelated Nonsense.

I've been so focused on Mother's Day recently I've neglected to update you on other Goings-On in Chez Karma.

Remember that huge storm that knocked down two huge trees and took down my power lines left me without electricity for five days and brought a Local Celebrity (Weekend Weather Warrior Chris Higgins) to my door?

That was April 7th. The trees are still down in my backyard.

You may recall the last conversation I had with Property Management (a quite dubious title) in which I attempted to convey the frustration of entertaining three children for five days without the assistance of electricity, but instead I sobbed and begged the Property Manager to have mercy. I eventually got my electricity back on, but it was an ugly battle.

So I decided to be nicer about the tree issue. I sent a really polite email back on May 9th that said I've still got trees down in the backyard, no hurry, just following up. I'm still waiting on a return email, six days later. I just resent it as a reply-all, so the original date would still be visible.

I had the idea to send a little note along with the rent check, which should have arrived at their office this past Saturday. I whipped up a Word Document, inserted photos of the downed trees dated April 7, and wrote at the bottom "Here is a picture of the trees that are still down in the backyard." We'll see how long it takes for Bob the Maintenance Guy to drag his sorry buttcrack-baring-bluejeans-clad ass over here. I'll keep you posted.

I also got a call from Robin from Some Random Real Estate Company asking "if yous were still interested in buying a house." Do professionals use the word YOUS? Is it spelled YOUS or YOUSE or YOUZ? I realize it's a regional dialect of American English, but even in the regions where it's commonly used, is it odd to hear someone in a professional setting say it? It just sounded weird, like saying "ain't". Can you imagine a Presidential Candidate using the word YOUS? No, right? She sounded like Silvio Dante. I wanted to say "No, WEEZ decided to rent for another year", but I just said no, and snickered silently to myself.

I'm a grammar, spelling, and pronunciation stickler. It's not to say that I'm perfect, but I get nitpicky about Basic Usage. People should be able to spell the word GARAGE. How many signs for Gargage and Grage Sales have you seen? Today I saw a new one - GRAGAGE. Whatever.

I'm fascinated by the whole concept of language and words. I love thesauri. I love word games, puzzles, all that stuff. I have a favorite part of speech, doesn't everyone? I love adverbs, because they can modify verbs, adjectives, or other adverbs. They're multifunctional. R rolls his eyes when I go into English Teacher Mode, but I was gleeful on Sunday when my kids sang along to the Interjections song on the Schoolhouse Rock CD. I wish a job existed where I could sit and diagram sentences all day. I LOVE IT. I know there's no real-world application in it, I don't even know if they still teach it in schools anymore, but The Structure of the English Language was my all-time favorite college course. And yes, I got an A.

Ryan has discovered a new Xbox game called Fable, thanks to Daddy. Ry likes it because you can make the hero fart. How charming.

For maximum efficiency I took a picture of my latest WIP (my first DPN's project so I can build up my sock-knitting cajones and make socks with Yarntopia's Sock Posse next) AND the Harry Potter wand I made for Ry, AND the Extremely Yummy Bamboo Sheets. The HP wand is that brown thing that looks like poo. The multi-colored thing that also looks like poo is the early stages of the Kozyeon tea cozy from Knitty (tm). I completely suck at it. It took me two days to figure out the cast-on and knit the first four rounds. I'm kinda winging it as I go, I know I'm making lots of mistakes, but who cares. I'm gonna put it on the Wicked Cool Teapot I got in the last SP round.

Speaking of SP stuff, I'm a little anxious about the upcoming SP rounds that I'm
doing. I never feel like the person I send stuff to is going to think the stuff I send is cool enough. Lion Brand is good enough for me, but it's not really gift-able. I get that now. I've actually been addressed by a recent pal who was disappointed that I'd sent too many non-knitting related gifts. Not to even get into it, she was very polite and felt bad about it afterwards, I shouldn't even bring it up at all, but it sorta fueled my feelings of complete SP inadequacy. I should let it go and not dwell on it, but I'm a dweller. I dwell. I stew.

Personally, I like non-knitting gifts. I love all gifts! I'm someone who learned at a very early age to never express disappointment about any gift. At a birthday party I attended at some time during my childhood, I witnessed the Birthday Girl berating a guest for bringing her the "Wrong Barbie". The mortified guest cried, the Birthday Girl's mother angrily escorted her out of the room (but still well within earshot), and ripped her a new one. Birthday Girl returned to the room red-faced and in tears, and then her mom walked in like nothing ever happened "Who wants cake?" and the rest of us sat there awkwardly, afraid to move. Quite a memorable moment. I've taught all of my kids to just smile and say Thank You.

Got the boys' hair cut today. Does $28 (plus tip) for two little boys' haircuts sound like a lot? Maybe it's not. Maybe it just seems like a lot to charge for five minutes worth of work.

I heard T and Ry talking amongst themselves as we were getting into the car. I was buckling Tito when he said, "It not on my finger, it on Mommy's shirt!"

My shirt, incidentally, was green. I couldn't see anything on it, so I asked, "Honey, what's on Mommy's shirt?"

"MY BOOGER!" Lovely.

Then Ry said authoritatively, "Tommy, Mommy is NOT a Kleenex."

In Completely Unrelated News, over the course of my life, I've observed that A Lot of Strange Things Happen at WalMart.

Once when I was at a WalMart in Boerne, Texas I overheard a conversation between a little girl and her mother near the gumball machines at the front door.

"Momma, can I put this tattoo on my cheek?" I assumed she'd bought one of those sweet little fake tattoos from one of the machines. My kids know better than to ask me for that shit.

Now Imagine Earl's ex-wife Joy saying, "Sure you can, Baby. Oh no, wait a minute... we gotta go to church tomorrah. Put it on yer arm."

Hmmmm... ok, so tattoos on children are fully acceptable at this church, but they draw the line atfacial tattoos on children. Got it. Duly noted.

Another time a kid with a mohawk asked me if I'd give him my cart after I got my stuff out of it.

Today I had yet another really kooky WalMart experience. As I was leaving the parking lot, I saw a black Jeep/truck/Urban Assault Vehicle type thing with the words HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! in huge yellow letters spray-painted on the doors and windows. Immediately I envisioned a mother in a housecoat and ugly slippers, her hair in rollers, a beer in one hand and a cig with a really long ash in the other hand hollering at her ungrateful kids "YOU DUMBASSES NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR ME FOR MOTHER'S DAY! YOU DON'T EVEN SAY 'HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!'" just one time too many.


DomesticOverlord said...

You misspelled adjectives. I'm sorry but I HAD to say something.

Anonymous said...

yous still in a bad mood?

Penny Karma said...

Just making sure you're paying attention.

Ali said...

Fuuny post. I enjoyed it. I'm in total agreement with your gift receiving manners.

jackt said...

Me spell bettur. So don't yous be making fun of the way I spell gragage.

cpurl17 said...

You keep cracking me up--I just love your posts!

Very cool Harry Potter wand. At first I thought. Hmmmm.. she made a felted tootsie roll.

Elspeth said...

Our kids' haircut place charges $18 for each kid, so you're getting a deal. And all I have is boys, so the cuts are pretty easy.

Bezzie said...

I dig that wand too. But at first I thought maybe you had felt the need to photograph one of the branches of a fallen tree from your back yard.

I'm a word stickler too. Maybe when my replacement at work said in her cover letter "I'm skilled at operating a copy machine ass well as a fax machine." I should have taken it as a sign. But for a week before she started I was able to laugh and make ass faxes.