Today I kinda knew what I would be blogging about. But not really.

It's a bunch of randomness, kinda, but here ya go.

Yesterday I got my swag from the Peoples Front of Judea (aka The Ben Folds Fan Club). Check it out! I'm particularly amused by the Bitches Ain't Shit bumper sticker, but R won't let me put it on the Odyssexy.

It also came with an autographed copy of Stems and Seeds, which contains the fake versions of the songs they "accidentally" leaked when their latest CD came out. They played several of the fake songs at the concert and some of them were better than the songs they actually released on Way To Normal, so it was cool that they put them together on a CD. I LOVE it. Ben is a sexy man.



Moving on, yesterday I was cleaning the kitchen and I found Tito's pile of Valentines received from his classmates. This one was on the top of the pile.



Then I remembered there's a boy in his class named SEAN. If you look closely, you can tell that the X is really an A, tilted slightly to the right, and the N is hard to see over the red.



It's on my bulletin board right next to the Lubaba invitation. I save stuff. I form sentimental attachments to objects.
I'm sure there are psychological implications.


To continue, Speed Racer commented yesterday how much fun it is to hear the phone ring, answer (in his absolutely charming Kentucky accent), "Well, hello, beautiful..." and then hear an unfiltered rant about my Drama O' The Day. It's probably a good idea, when you see that PK is calling you, to answer, say a quick Hello and immediately pull the phone away from your face.

I think another fun thing about being in the PK Inner Posse is when I call you up and ask you an absolutely ridiculous question.

Here's what I imagine this actual conversation was like from Speed Racer's perspective:

(Insert my signature Lenny Kravitz - LADY ringtone)

Him: Well, hello, beautiful!

Me: Is my glass dildo at your house?

Him: Uh, no...

Me: Ya sure? Cuz I can't find it.

Him: Is it an emergency? What do you need it for?

Me: I want to club a baby seal to death with it. What the fuck do you think I need it for?

Him: Well, where was the last place you had it?

Me: At the 7-11 at Manchester and Ballas. In my COOTER, duh!

Him: Why would it be at my house??

Me: You said you wanted to get one for your wife, and I have one, so it occurred to me to lend it to you to see if she liked it, but I guess I thought better of it and kept that idea to myself.

Him: No, you mentioned that you had one, but you didn't say anything about letting us borrow it. And, as a side note... Ewwwwww!!

Me: Oh, come on, we're all friends here. And it's glass; you can wash it. And if you run it under warm water... dude...

Him: Well, in answer to your question, NO, it's not here.

Me: Shit. Then I don't know where it is.


(Update: I found it in the aptly named "Fun Drawer." I'll post a pic for you so you can get a sense of how easy it is for something to get lost in there.)


You can also get in on the PK Picture Text "Inner Posse" (which isn't the punch line to "Where's PK's Glass Dildo", and I know you were thinkin' it). Gentle Evil Baritone, Trillian and KK (to name a few) trust me with their digits so they get funny pictures and strange questions from me every once in a while. I think yesterday's question was, "Do other people want to punch Vickie Howell in the face, or is it just me?"

For the Muggles, Vickie Howell is the host of Knitty Gritty, and she has her own line of yarn.



Which she uses to make HORRIBLE things.



I'm sure she's a nice person, but seriously... there's no excuse for Fun Fur Fringed Cuffs. How would you eat soup?


In slightly less disturbing news, after my Panic Attack, I've been thinking about switching my meds from Wellbutrin to something designed to treat Anxiety rather than Depression. I truly think my greater struggle is with Anxiety. I take the occasional Xanax, and I don't want to start taking them every day because I save them for the REALLY shitty days when I just want to go to sleep and have it be tomorrow.

So this morning I saw this story. CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO.

STAMFORD, Conn. (AP) — The frantic owner of a 200-pound chimpanzee that went berserk in Connecticut pleaded with police over the phone to help her stop the animal from mauling her friend, begging them to "Hurry, please! He ripped her face off."

Police in Stamford released 911 tapes of Sandra Herold's desperate call to police Monday as her 15-year-old chimp, Travis, was attacking 55-year-old Charla Nash.

The chimp can be heard grunting at times on the tape, as Herold cries, "He's killing my friend!"

The dispatcher says, "Who's killing your friend?"

Herold replies, "My chimpanzee! He ripped her apart! Shoot him, shoot him!"

After police arrive, one officer radios back: "There's a man down. He doesn't look good," he says, referring to the disfigured Nash. "We've got to get this guy out of here. He's got no face."

The chimp attacked Nash as Herold, 70, frantically stabbed her beloved pet with a butcher knife and pounded him with a shovel.

"He looked at me like, 'Mom, what did you do?'" Herold told NBC's "Today Show" in an interview aired Wednesday. "It was horrific what happened and I had to do what I had to do, but still, I'll miss him for the rest of my life."

Nash remained was in critical condition early Wednesday with major injuries to her face and hands.

Police said they are looking into the possibility of criminal charges. A pet owner can be held criminally responsible if he or she knew or should have known that an animal was a danger to others.


(NOTE FROM PK: Here's the freaky part.)


Police said that the chimp was agitated earlier Monday and that Herold had given him the anti-anxiety drug Xanax in some tea. Police said the drug had not been prescribed for the 14-year-old chimp.

Investigators said they were also told that Travis had Lyme disease, a tick-borne illness with flu-like symptoms that can lead to arthritis and meningitis in humans.

"Maybe from the medications he was out of sorts," Stamford police Capt. Richard Conklin said.

Nash had gone to Herold's home in Stamford on Monday to help her coax the chimp back into the house after he got out, police said. After the animal lunged at Nash when she got out of her car, Herold ran inside to call 911 and returned with a knife.

After the initial attack, Travis ran away and started roaming Herold's property until police arrived, setting up security so medics could reach the critically injured woman, Conklin said.

But the chimpanzee returned and went after several of the officers, who retreated into their cars, Conklin said. An officer shot Travis several times after the animal opened the door to his cruiser and started to get in.

The wounded chimpanzee fled into the house and retreated to his living quarters, where he died.

When he was younger, Travis starred in TV commercials for Old Navy and Coca-Cola, made an appearance on the "Maury Povich Show" and took part in a television pilot, according to a 2003 story in The Advocate newspaper of Stamford.

Did you catch that??

The monkey who was ripping a woman's face off had been given XANAX.

HOLY SHIT.

I think I'll try cutting back on caffeine instead.