Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Some days I wake up knowing exactly what I'm going to blog about.

And some days, I don't.

Today was a Don't day.

I may or may not have anything to actually do on a Don't day. Often I find myself with a heightened sense of awareness, making mental notes of everything that happens so that I can add an enormous amount of detail and make an otherwise completely lame experience into something interesting for you kids to read.

Today I had an appointment with my eye doctor. Let's back up a bit... A few weeks ago I went online to re-order my contacts. After placing my order (and throwing out my last pair of Acuvue Oasys - I might add), I got a voicemail from 1-800-Contacts saying that there was a problem with my order. Meh, I figured, probably just declined my credit card or something. I'll just try later.

Turned out my prescription was expired. Fuck. So I called to find out when I could get in to see the doctor. Eleven days. Fine. I'll have to wear my glasses until then, and I don't really like to wear them, but whatever.

Today was my appointment.

I got there a bit early and found a rock star parking spot. I got up to the office (which faintly reeks of that stale pee smell in nursing homes) and started filling out the paperwork, and the receptionist asked if all my insurance information was the same.

Um, yeah, I think so...

So a few minutes later the receptionist calls me over and says that she couldn't find me at the VisionPlanIThoughtIHad database. Huh... maybe it did change, let me call my Mom. Mom knows a bit about the benefits R gets through his job because, until recently, she was a Benefits Director for the whole stinkin Evil Empire where R works.

Woman knows her shit.

Anyway, I get Mom on the horn and find out that we actually have a new vision plan provider. Super, that solves that, right?

(Is this your first time reading this blog? Does my life EVER work out that easily? NO. And you bitches love it, and I love you for loving it.)

So the receptionist calls me over again and says that according to NewVisionPlanI'veNeverFuckingHeardOfUntilTwoSecondsAgo I'm not ELIGIBLE for an exam.

'Scuse me?

It says here that you're eligible for either contacts OR new glasses, but the exam isn't covered.

I can get contacts or glasses, both of which require an exam, but I can't get the exam? All right, lemme just ask you - does that make sense to YOU?

Well, my advice would be to call NewVisionPlanI'veNeverFuckingHeardOfUntilTwoSecondsAgo and find out what the deal is.

Ummm, ok. Guess I'll call back and reschedule, then. Thanks anyway...

So I went out to the parking lot and called from the Odyssexy.

Took me 10 minutes to talk to a person, but when I did, the dude was helpful and patient as I vented and tried not to curse (too much) as I explained that ALL I FUCKING WANTED WAS FOR MY DOCTOR TO SIGN OFF ON MY CURRENT PRESCRIPTION, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. I wasn't having any issues with my contacts, as far as I'm concerned just tell him to tell 1-800-Contacts we're cool, and I'll be on my merry fucking way.

Turns out, the doctor's office looked me up under the SECOND PAIR benefit, which assumes you've already HAD the exam. I'm eligible for the exam under the normal benefit section. Receptionist just clicked the wrong thing. Genius.

Well, that solves that, then, right?

Just whose blog do you think this IS?

So I call back - from the parking lot, mind you - to the doctor's office where I just was, where they hadn't even called me into a room yet, where I'd arrived early just to allow for bullshit like this - to make an appointment.

Can you come in on the 26th?

I was just there a second ago - I have to wait NINE DAYS to get back in?

Are you fucking kidding me?? I was literally JUST there in the waiting room, taking pictures of the No Cell Phones sign with my cell phone camera.

And they couldn't squeeze me back in. FOR MY OWN APPOINTMENT.

Ok, yeah, I accept the part where I should have done my own research and known what my benefits were, but meet me halfway, people!!

I should be happy that this doctor even takes NewVisionPlanI'veNeverFuckingHeardOfUntilTwoSecondsAgo. I suppose that would have fucked up my day even worse. I could have to find a new doctor whose receptionists could be equally if not more incompetent. It's a gamble I'm not in the mood to take.

And I woke up thinking I'd have nothing to report today.

And in an amusing follow-up -
My Valentine's Day throat culture came up positive for STREP.


Anonymous said...

When the phone rings, and you hear the dulcet tones of Penny Karma's voice screaming "I am SO FUCKING PISSED right now!" as long as the next two words out of her mouth are not "at you," you know you're in for a wild ride.

And - for the record - Penny Karma looks great in her glasses.


Penny Karma said...

Isn't it fun being my friend? :)

Trillian42 said...

Yeah, my luck would have been that they could still take me for that appointment but wouldn't accept the insurance and in fact the only place that DOES accept it is on the other side of the Beltway.

So... do you think you can nurse this case of strep until the next command performance at Chez Inlaw? Probably not safely, huh? Bummer.

SiressYorkie said...

Why does it take so long to do a strep culture?? When Max had Strep Face, Herr Doktor took a wee swab, stuck it into a little doohickey, and 15 minutes later it came back positive.

When I got strep throat it was so incredibly painful I couldn't sleep, eat, or swallow. The doc took one look at me and went AAAAAIIIIEEE! (I think that's German for, "Holy fuck, that's one jacked up throat!") and nudged a prescription to me on the end of a stick.

Anywho. Before we came here, we had to get a physical from the med center. We took two separate cars...I got stuck behind some tractors and came 5 minutes late. Went up to the desk where they told me, "You missed your appointment....can you come back in two weeks?"

"Missed? My appointment was for 8 am. I'm here at 8.05. I didn't MISS the appointment...I'm HERE. I am here, aren't I? Can you see me? (waving hand in front of face). Have I crossed over and not known it? Sweet Jeebus, I've crossed over..."

You think civilian med receptions are idiots? Try military. EVEN THICKER.

Anonymous said...

Is it fun to be your friend?

Let me check the all knowing Magic 8-ball...

"All signs point to yes"


Kashmir Knitter said...

I honestly do not understand how this kind of shit happens. If the receptionist was at fault for me losing my appointment they'd get to deal with me in their waiting room all damn day. I do not abide that kind of crap. I'm not waiting nine days for someone else's mistake when I already waited nine days for my own. Nope. Not going to happen.

Perhaps this is why people hate me.