Friday, August 01, 2008

Am I An Anti-Dentite?

I like my dentist. She's a nice person. She's a mom. She has great stories, and she's really funny.

I just don't especially like it when she sticks needles and drills in my face. Or when she me to lay off the caramels.

I've said this a million times. I'd prefer a trip to the gynocologist over a trip to the dentist ANY day. Here's why. Statistically speaking, I figure there's a far greater chance that I'm going to get bad news at the dentist than at the gyno. Bad news on a much smaller scale - not saying a root canal is a traumatic as a colposcopy (look it up, gentlemen), but they're not entirely dissimilar - you get what I'm saying, don't you? I'm more likely to be called out on what the dental profession would consider risky behavior (such as my relationship with Chocolate Reisens) than any risky behavior the gyno would scold me for (such as having sex with strangers).

When I go to the gyno, I feel like I don't have a whole lot to worry about. I don't fear STD's, for example. I know the sexual history of everyone I'm sleeping with (read: R). I'm pretty sure I'm not going to have any major bombs dropped on me when I go in to get my cobwebs cleared out. Well, there was that one time when the nurse told me "I'd say you're about five months along!" when I had gone in thinking I had cancer, but I doubt that's going to happen to me twice.

Basically, when something's up with yer cooter, you might at least have an inkling, right? Itchy rash, oozing pustules; there are clues.

NOTE: I'm in no way saying you can (or should) skip your annual Spread N' Scrape unless you're experiencing painful urination. Of course there things like cervical and ovarian cancers and other stuff that don't have obvious symptoms, and you should definitely get yourself checked out. I'm not making light of it in any way, so don't get your speculum in a knot. I'm even saying I PREFER the gyno, personally.

At the dentist's office, you don't always know when you have the beginnings of something that's going to suck. I've come in for a routine cleaning and gone home with four fillings I had no idea I needed. I HATE that. And you might go in thinking that you floss your gums deep enough, but you go home with a WHOLE new appreciation for just exactly how far down that floss can go. Yuck.

Sometime last Sunday night, part of my back tooth broke off. I never even felt it. I must have swallowed my filling and half of my tooth. It feels sooo weird, running my tongue over it. So today I'm getting it fixed. Wish me luck.

Yesterday the Apes finally met one of my oldest (in terms of time, not age) friends, T. T's a stud. I met T around the same time that I met Shatner, actually, and in the same place - the library. I know I've written about T before. He's a class act.

And guess where we went? GRANT'S FARM!!! Where the beer is cold and free.




And the fashion statements are unforgettable.

15 comments:

Kevin C said...

That picture was bad enough when you sent it to my cell phone, and now you're going to plaster it on a web page I view often? That's just mean. To me and your other readers, I mean. She should NOT have been wearing that.

And wow, I've now heard/read the word colposcopy TWICE in 12 hours... It's in the movie Fierce People, which I watched last night.

Helen said...

unforgettable AND unforGIVEable?

I'm all for people accepting themselves as is and accentuating their bodies no matter the size...but really. ugh.

DPUTiger said...

Hi! Found you through Turtlegirl and have been reading for a while (but not commenting). But that last photo brought this to mind and of course while I was looking for THAT, I found THIS

God, I love List of the Day! :)

Jo said...

What on earth was that woman thinking?!!?

Amy in StL said...

There is no part of that outfit that is okay. And please quit bringing up Grant's Farm it just serves to remind me that they're cutting back to weekends only now. *sob*

Kay aka dkswife said...

You know Sarah, I read your blog all the time, but hardly ever comment, because I am lazy that way, but that last picture is just gross. Holy cow. I am glad I knew when to learn to cover my body up!

Penny Karma said...

Kev, you're gonna make everybody jealous that I send you those little gems personally before I share them with my Vast Readership.

Poops said...

I would rather see the gyno than the dentist. See, at the dentist they're coming at me with sharp tools very close to my eyes and brain. I'm defenseless.

At the gyno, at least if they slip with a sharp tool they won't hit anything vital, and if it hurts I can just kick him in the face.

So there.

Kevin C said...

Well, too bad for them. Or rather, too bad for me that I got subjected to that hideous outfit twice! That's not necessarily something to be jealous about, but rather something to pity!

Penny Karma said...

That's the price you pay for your Full-Speculum status.

Or Full-Spectrum, or whatever.

I bet some people would LOVE to get photo texts from me...

Wendy said...

OK, I'm thinkin' I might know her....

Hope your tooth is okay. I too prefer the gyno to the dentist, unless they give gas but he never has....

Kashmir Knitter said...

Why is everyone so up in arms about my floral halter? First of all, I made that myself so it would hug my curves just so. Secondly, I know I look DAMN good, I have to WORK for a body like that. I do ice cream spoon lifts, gravy training, and roll jiggles everyday to make sure when I step out, I wobble _just_right_.

Jealous?

You know it.

Shannon said...

Damn - that just ain't right! This is what makes the USA great - never did see that in Europe...
Good that you got to see T this week. I heard from him for the first time in almost a year and sounds like he's having a rough time with work.
Oh and Damn you Penny Karma - you TOTALLY have me hooked on Mad Men now - have watch 8 of 12 episodes from Season 1 from Charter On Demand. Probably watch the rest today! (Love it, BTW...)

Penny Karma said...

Kashmir, did it hurt when you had to rip the double-stick tape off yer nips?

Kashmir Knitter said...

Beauty is suffering, Penny.