Monday, August 25, 2008

Yankees at Tara?!

The highlight of the last week was Beebie's revelation to R and me that she likes a boy at school whose name, I have decided, will be Princeton. And so, as is customary for 6th grade girls, Beeb had one of her friends ask Princeton if he liked her, and his response was something to the effect of "I don't know her very well, but I'd like to." So Friday afternoon Beeb came home with a hand-written invitation on ivory embossed card stock cordially inviting the entire Karma family to Princeton's for a Barbecue.

I don't know how familiar you are with the opening scenes of Gone With The Wind, but my imagination immediately transported me to the part where the O'Haras are on their way to Twelve Oaks for a Barbecue with Ashley Wilkes. Can't you just see the Karmas pulling up in the Odyssexy with NWA blaring and Aunt PittyPat keeling over with a case of The Vapors?

I didn't know anything about Princeton other than his Prep School-sounding name, so I had a vision of his parents being named Biff and Buffy and talking with their chins jutting forward like Thurston and Lovey Howell. This is going to be a shocker, kids, but I don't get many invitations to classy High Tea luncheons with society folk at the Club. (Oh, while I'm thinkin about it, get this - Rip recently told me he'd love to find a chick just like me, only CLASSY. Fuckin jackass.) But Beeb and I accepted the invitation, and I even offered to bring dessert.

Well, I was quite relieved to see that Princeton's mom has some rather cool Ink. And for a minute I considered whippin my nips out just to show her I'm totally down with body art, but I didn't. I did, however, drop the word Candyass just to gauge her potty mouth tolerance. I'm thinking we're gonna be okay. I got the vibe that she could be a bit of a tree-hugger/germophobe, and I kinda don't have time for that, but if that's the most annoying thing about her, I can live with it. Oh, and Bezzie, she grew up in Alaska!

Beeb has been LOVING Middle School, what with the boyfriend and everything. She likes all of her classes (Princeton's in almost all of them) and gets her locker open on the first try almost every single time. She's in Band (she plays flute, he plays percussion - can you say Band Camp Love?) and she's going out for Drama Club. She's also running for a Student Council position. She runs every year, and she's never won. Isn't that some awesome persistence? Today was the election, she should find out tomorrow if she won. Of course I'll let you know.

I've kinda been waiting for my luck to run out - at the last two school functions I fully expected to run into an archnemesis such as Shatner or Swamp Thing, but both times I've emerged unscathed. Of course, both times R was with me. Maybe shit only befalls me when I'm alone and defenseless. Or maybe that's the only time I notice it; when I'm free to wallow in self-pity.

Today was an action-packed day. First of all, I didn't sleep well so I got off to a sluggish start, but Beeb and Pie got on their busses and then I had a little time to chill before Tito's bus came. No sooner had I begun to chill, I got a text message from Rip informing me that his truck wouldn't start and he was supposed to be picking up a client at the airport in about 40 minutes.

So, true friend that I am, I got Tito in the Odyssexy, picked Rip up and hauled ass to the airport, with my gas light on the entire time, just to keep things interesting. Rip got there minutes before his client arrived and I was able to get Tito home in time to meet the bus. Why? Because I'm Penny McFuckinBadass!

If that had been the only stress of my day, it would have been more than plenty, but I also had to go back to the dentist to get my tiara ... er, crown. I didn't want them to numb me, so I sucked up the pain and got out within an hour and a half. It feels totally weird in my mouth. I'm not sure it's in there right, but fuck if I'm going back there.

I have more to write, but R bought me a new 'puter and I have to let him set it up. Stay tuned for Part Two!


Kevin C said...

OK, so this one time, at band camp....... All right, you caught me. I've never been to band camp. I did play in the band one year. Was even good enough to play a solo to demonstrate my instrument when the band played for the grade school! But it didn't really excite me, so I didn't continue.

And can I just say that Princeton's name makes him sound like he's one of James William Bottomtooth IV's cronies at Morningwood Academy?

Kashmir Knitter said...

Hey, I'm a treehugger/germaphobe and you like me just fine. Wait, is there something you're not telling me?

I can't wait for part two, I've been jonesing for some Penny for days!

Bezzie said...

I find it quite fitting that Ms. Princeton grew up in AK and you gave her son that monniker--for Princeton is located in New Jersey. Hee hee.

Ferris Family said...

My phone works, but that would mean I had time and energy to pick it up.
Yep, it's girl. So weird.

Rip said...

You know I did not mean it like that, chica. Gimme a break. I think I had had about 6 beers by that time.