Sunday, August 10, 2008

White Trash Mothers, Unite!

One of the many blogs I read had a link I couldn't resist - White Trash Mom. I love the entire concept of White Trash, being less than a generation away from it myself. I know some may find the term offensive, but I don't. I never have. It is what it is. And it's me. I lovingly embrace that crazy, crooked branch of my family tree, held up by cinder blocks and plywood.

I've taken my kids into a Dirt Cheap liquor store right after St. Patrick's Day dinner at Old Country Buffet, for cryin' out loud. That was my application for White Trash Mom of the Year 2007.

So anyway, I'm a big fan of And last week-ish there was a contest to submit the best Work-related White Trash Mom tip. Knowing there's any kind of contest is the only invitation Penny Ubercompetive needs to suit up and put on her game face. And she WON! Below is the winning entry in the Submit Your Best White Trash Mom Tip for Working Mothers Contest.

(Keep in mind that I haven't had a job in over seven years. And I don't smoke, either.)

August 07, 2008
Winner: Best WT Mom Tip for Work
We've got a WINNER for the Best WT Mom Tip for Work!

After many days and many opinions, we decided that PENNY KARMA is the winner of the signed book copy! PENNY KARMA wins the copy of THE WHITE TRASH MOM HANDBOOK because of her excellent tip called "The Fake Freakout". Dig if you will, the WT Tip:

"A cousin of Fake Purse Escape that I've always appreciated is the Fake Freakout. Invest in a clipboard from the Dollar Store. Clip some random memos and papers with scribbles and numbers to it, and maybe add a few Post-Its for realism.

Briskly walk (but don't run - there's a fine line) around the office, looking very, very worried. Sigh audibly. Hold your head like it hurts. Roll your eyes and whisper the word UNBELIEVEABLE, over and over.

In my experience, NO ONE will want to get involved in what looks like a big nasty quagmire, so no one will ask any questions. Works great if you just need to sneak out for an unsanctioned smoke break."

Send me your address Penny Karma! We'll get you a copy of [The White Trash Mom Handbook]! Thanks for playing!

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I'm so thrilled! Now I'll have something to read while my kids are at school (cuz all I need is an excuse NOT to do housework - that's fuckin TEXTBOOK White Trash Mom, right there). Don't you love it??!

White Trash Parenting blends well with my own slacker style. You guys know what a perfectionist freak I can be. Well, the White Trash Mom in me is what allows me to occasionally lighten up and give myself a break. For example, Penny Perfection will stay up all night baking something spectacular for the Bake Sale whereas Penny White Trash (PWT) fully advocates spreading a little Aldi canned frosting on Aldi-bought cookies and submitting them as her own creation. Sometimes PWT needs to lay a little smackdown on Penny Perfection. THAT's what I'm talkin about.

In other news, I'd like to show you the Odyssexy's latest Battle Scar.

It's from The Battle of R vs. Manhole Surrounded by Concrete Wall. I think it adds a certain Urban Assault Vehicle element to the Odyssexy - kindof a Don't Piss Me Off, I Ain't Afraid To Scratch My Paint, MUTHAHFUGGAH!!! vibe, wouldn't you say?

Oooh, speaking of vibes (heh heh), Reason #234,568,723 why R is the best husband in the world:

You think your man's a prince for going to pick up Emergency Tampons for you when you're doubled over with cramps in the middle of the night? My man calls me from Target to ask what kind of batteries I need for one of my favorite Adult Toys You Can Play With When You're All By Yourself (or not). Wasn't so much an Adult Toy Emergency, per se, but I'll be all ready for my date with Don Draper this evening!


Nell said...

Isn't it nice to have a car that you don't have to worry about? I used to have a newer car and I'd fret over every little nick in the paint. Not so for the 97 Civic. It's awesome!

Thanks for the WT link. I'm about 1 step away myself and can't wait to read more about connecting with that side!

SiressYorkie said...

WOW, R, you GO, dude.

*places elaborate royal crown made of taco shells and beer on R's head and blats out 'Hail the Conqu'ring Hero' on her trumpet*


Poor Oddyssexy. Battle scars already. Well, there's a reason they call em 'bumpers', isn't there.

What's the point of having a vehicle if you can't bash it about every now and again?

Kashmir Knitter said...

Dude, I'm so hooked on the White Trash blog! Thanks for that, I really needed another. I can't keep up now!!!

I think today must be overuse of exclamations day.

P.S. Check your email. Knowing your love of Adult Toys I have an important PSA link for you. Just in case you don't already read the blog that goes with it.

SiressYorkie said...

Mary Poppins? MARY POPPINS!??

Girlfrinn, PLEASE. You can take the girl out of Maryland, but you can't take the Maryland outta the girl. I've spent the last 9 years trying to exorcise that demon, but she just won't budge.