Monday, August 04, 2008

Numbness, Madness, and Happy Cheese.

I tried to take good mental notes so I could give a detailed account of my ordeal at the Dentist's Office on Friday, but I think all that novocaine affected my short-term memory. I did, however, take pictures.

Here's my dentist. She swore she was smiling.

Here's what I got to look at all morning.

Here's what SHE got to look at.

Here's me getting numbed.

I'm pinching my lip, and I can't feel it.

I always leave an impression... this time, I left three.

I got a filling and a temporary crown, and I have to go back in three weeks for my actual crown to get put on. I think I'm going to go in wearing a tiara, just to be funny.

I do remember getting three shots and still feeling the drill because they were still drilling on me after the numbness wore off. Ugh. They offered me a fourth, and I said, No, screw it, I don't want another needle, either knock me out or just finish, I'll deal.

At least she didn't take one look in my mouth and scream OH MY GOD!!! I've decided that I'd rather hear my dentist gasp in horror than my gyno.

Here's the thing about the drilling and whatnot - yes, you can give me a topical anesthetic so I don't feel the needle (yeah, right) but it's not even about the needle. It's the taste of the blue shit on the super-long Q-tip and the fact that once my lip goes numb, I start drooling like a vegetable and I don't realize it. It's the SOUND of the needle piercing my gums and the whirring of the drill inside my head. It's the acrid smell of burning bone. It's the thought that I'm inhaling microscopic particles of my own teeth. The actual pain is but a fraction of the unpleasantness.

It's the fact that I was in the chair for FOUR HOURS. And the fact that I had to pay them $400 to do that to me.


When R got home, I took a Xanax and slept for ten full hours.
It was beautiful.

Weekend highlights include taking the kids to see Iron Man (which the rest of the world saw 4 months ago, I know) at the cheapie movie theater. I've loved Bad Boy Downey for like, 20 years. Since pre-Less Than Zero era. Loved him in The Pick-Up Artist. Loved him in Chances Are, LOVED him in Soapdish, in Chaplin, on Ally McBeal, and most recently in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. And I thought he made an excellent Iron Man.

Then, of course, last night was Mad Men night. I'm not going to talk plot because I don't want to spoil anything for those who haven't finished watching Season One on DVD yet, but it was a very good episode which answered a major burning question from the end of Season One.

I love watching Mad Men with R. I love watching any show with him that we're both into. We've rented the entire Series of Six Feet Under, Sopranos, and Deadwood (cocksuckers - sorry, it's a reflex, happens whenever I hear the word Deadwood) and are eagerly awaiting the next season of Weeds, Tudors, and Big Love. But for now we're just figuring out all that Dish Network has to offer.

We've been watching Reality Bites Back on Comedy Central and Parental Control on MTV, to name a few. And Life on the D-List; I love that one. Anyway, all weekend we sat on our bed and watched crazy TV and ate Wheat Thins and Happy Cheese. It's sold under the name of Laughing Cow Cheese, but we like to call it Happy Cheese because we're silly. R wouldn't want you to know that he's just as silly as me, but trust me, he is.

This week is gonna be hella crazy. It's Pie's Camp week, which he's been looking forward to all summer. This means I have to drive 30 minutes each way today, tomorrow and Wednesday, but it's so worth it. He loves this camp. Today they're doing scuba, swimming and tennis. Tomorrow they're doing Hip Hop Dancing. I can't even wait to hear about that. Pie said he isn't going to do it, but I bet he'll change his mind. He is SO funny when he dances. Remember this?

Thursday I have to get the boys' eyes checked before they can start school on the 13th. Friday I'm taking Beeb to get her feet checked out by an orthopedist. She started walking at 10 months old, and ever since then she's had a kinda pidgeon-toe thing goin on. Kids made fun of her this year, so we're going to see what the doctors can do for her.

Then we have only one more weekend before school starts. Remember how I was dreading summer? My kids have been so good and so much fun, I'll be sad to see summer end. I'll be all by myself from 8:30 to 12:30 every day. Maybe I need a job. Or maybe I'll just play Guitar Hero and eat Honeycomb by the handful out of the box.


Kevin C said...

Iron Man was indeed excellent. It's one that's on my short list to buy. (Yes, BUY. With actual, real money. From a retail store.)

I personally think the smell is the absolute worst part of getting any drilling done on your tooth. Hate that.

My one other thought from this post was this: if there were any good cocksuckers around, maybe the wood wouldn't be Dead. I'm just sayin'.

Penny Karma said...


Trillian42 said...

Oh, God. The horror of the dentist's chair. Just the thought of that f'ing needle coming at me... *shudder* I had a dentist when I was a kid/young teen who over-novocained me. I still have problems getting sick when I have it. Ick.

And, yeah, Iron Man? STILL haven't seen it. Kris and our friends went to see it when I was on SeaSocks, and he was supposed to take me when I got back. Nope. Although, he did shape his goatee like RDJr's Tony Stark one, so at least I get that. :D

Bezzie said...

"It's the thought that I'm inhaling microscopic particles of my own teeth."

Nah, that's not so bad. Now think about what happens when you walk into a public restroom and someone's just dropped a dookie. Ever since I learned that when you smell you're actually intaking molecules of whatever makes the smell have I freaked when I go into a bathroom and smell that.

I'm actually excited for the Ironman 2 they're coming out with. I wanna see the alkie Tony Stark in all his glory.

DPUTiger said...

I'm one of the only Humans in America to not be afraid of my dentist, but then again I have been lucky with no significant issues so far (knock wood).

Love RDJ ... was great in Soapdish and PERFECT in Ally McBeal. still haven't seen Iron Man. Hope you're feeling better and no longer feeling like you spent the day melting!

Ferris Family said...

I love the fact that you think to take you camera to the dentist and that you then convince the dentist to play along on the Penny Show! You crack me up.

Evil Baritone said...

Whenever I hear about tragic dental woes I recall the lyrics from Little Shop of Horrors:

"You'll be a dentist
You have a talent for causing things pain!
Son, be a dentist
People will pay you to be inhumane!"

I shoulda been a dentist...

Penny Karma said...

I love that show! Have you done that one?

And I should have written that every time I go to the dentist, I do the Bill Murray scene - "I'm gonna get a CANDY BAR!!!"

Kashmir Knitter said...

Okay here we go...

(I'm typing this after I finished responding. I just was to warn you that I think I was possessed by the ghost of vaudeville)

Don't love it, I mean who does? It's ghastly. Ghastly, what's ghastly is the price! Last time I went to the dentist it cost me over two grand! Grand? What'll be grand is you in a tiara getting crowned at the dentist!

Haven't seen Ironman yet but I'll bet it's a good one. A good one like that Batman. Guy in a bat suit fighting crime sounds crazy but I'll tell you what's crazy: reality tv now that's just nuts! Peanuts. I like peanuts but I'd prefer the cheese and crackers. If it's happy all the better.

In all seriousness though, I'm sure you'll be stoked about your alone time. I get mine for the first time this year too and I'm alternately stoked and dreading it. Like, I'll get to read a book but I'll probably also have to clean the house. Plus I haven't been alone in like 7 years. Yikes. I wish I lived nearby, we could get Rock Band and destroy 14 year old nerds over Xbox live. How sweet would that be?! What? Winning's winning right?

P.S. If you watch too much Big Love you start wondering where your sister wives are and why they aren't pulling their weight.