Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Some Days, My Blog Writes Itself.

So this morning as I was driving Pie to his camp 30 minutes from home, I popped a little teeny piece of gum in my mouth to counter the heinous cereal breath I was about to unleash on the unsuspecting camp counselors. It wasn't even a whole piece. And it was Trident - which isn't really as big as Extra, for example.

I had kept it on just one side of my mouth (the side without the temporary crown on it). I tried not to even chew it, really. I just kinda rolled it against the roof of my mouth with my tongue and tried to somehow suck all the peppermint out of it and distribute it evenly inside my mouth so my breath wouldn't offend. I was only thinking of others. And I was trying to be good, I swear.

And I accidentally chewed it in exactly the wrong spot. And my temporary crown fell off, very gently, into a soft, sticky, neon blue bed.

FUCK.

So I called in and told them that it came out when I was eating a bagel. And they squeezed me in at noon. Thank GOD the crown came out intact, if I had had to do those impressions again, seriously, I would have had sumthin to fuckin SAY about that. Except that it was my own stupid fault.

FUCK FUCK FUCK. I'm such a dumbass.

So I put the crown in the cupholder of my van and continued to chew the aforementioned piece of gum. I figured not a whole lot was going to happen now that the worst already had.

Came home and got a call from the boys' school. Remember how I was going to be SO lonely in the mornings? Not anymore. They had to move Tito to PM Kindergarten. Last year we were on the AM bus route, and I drove Pie every day so he could go to PM kindergarten and so I could hang out with him in the mornings.

This year they changed the bus route and now we're on PM. I asked if I could drive Tito like I drove Pie, and they said no, the class sizes are just too big. Which means I won't be alone in the mornings after all. I will, however, be free from about 12:30 to 2:45. Better than nothing, I guess.

It also means that Beeb will be home before the boys will so she can take care of things until R gets home, which would actually allow me to take a part-time job if I wanted to. So at first I was kinda pissed off that my Mommy Mornings were snatched out of my hands before I even had a chance to enjoy them, but maybe I'll be able to hang out with grownups now.

So I had to go back to the dentist at noon. And this time I was in and out in about 45 minutes. Again, I took photos.

Because I'm such a rebel.



No, Dr. Ring, I swear it wasn't gum...



Ok, it was gum.



EXTRA STRENGTH CEMENT this time.


And where did I go, directly from the dentist's office? To Trader Joe's. Since fresh breath is a priority in my life and I can't have gum, I got myself some Altoids.

And Caramel Corn. Shhhhhhh....

9 comments:

Kevin C said...

I almost snapped a picture of a sign at Subway the other day that asked people to not use their cell phone while in line. The associated caption would be, of course,

"Learn the rules!"

Penny Karma said...

Estaaaaaaablishment, Estaaaaaaablishment,
you always know what's best...

SiressYorkie said...

You're a freakin' manic, Ms Penny, that's what YOU are.

BTW, I left your arse a PM on Knittyboard...please go look ASAP!

Sharpie said...

I did that exact thing with a Tootsie Roll at Bob's Discount Furniture's free candy store! DUH!! Nothing sucks more than admitting to your dentist how immature you are....

Rip said...

My absolute favorite happened on a plane trip a couple months ago. We were flying from STL to San Diego via American Airlines (remaining, as far as I can tell, in US airspace) but the flight attendant who was making all the pre-flight announcements had a distinct GERMAN accent. OK, so we hear the door to the plane close, and she says, in her best gestapo voice, and I quote: "Say goodbye to your loved ones. Ze door is closed."

Laughed all the way to the rockies.

Penny Karma said...

Ok, so the graphic description of me trying not to actually chew my gum didn't do anything for ya?

Frankly, I'm shocked. ;)

Kay aka dkswife said...

You can really tell that you have lost weight by your face! I know you have mentioned you had to buy a new size of power panties :)

Hope you are well!

I don't enjoy the dentist either. It never is any fun. Never.

Ferris Family said...

The graphic description of trying not to chew the gum caused me to pause and read it again... Nice description!
Ah, mommy mornings... what are those. I don't forsee them in my future. We are PMers over here and surprisingly, I like it.

Kashmir Knitter said...

I should send you a box of Milk Duds. You know, if I had your current address. HINT-HINT.