Yes. It's True. I'm a Lazy Tart.

Keep yer drawers on, Bitches.

Ok, sometimes I don't blog for a long time because I'm really busy. Other times it's just because my life has been boring for a while. And not even comically boring. Just your everyday garden-variety boring. I'm even yawning as I type this.

Lemme think if there's even anything I can tell ya about...

Ok, remember how I've said many, many times how the first sound you hear in the morning totally sets the tone for the entire day? A few days ago, I woke up to my darling sons standing at the foot of my bed, beaming.

"Guess what, Mommy?"

I hate that question. Because at my house, Guess What can totally go either way, ya know?

"We have ants!!!"

Huh?? You mean like Aunt Drama and Aunt Huggy?

"No! Ants! They're good bugs, so we don't want to step on them!"

So I sprung out of bed and found on the living room floor a hardened bread crust, hosting a colony of the happiest little ants you ever saw. Great. So I sprayed the crap out of them, and the boys shrieked in horror as I napalmed two hundred of their new best friends to death.

The next day, the sound I woke up to was Tito in the bathroom:

"Mommy!! I can't find my wiener!!"

You can't find your WHAT??

"I'm trying to go pee the pocket way and I can't get my weenie out!"

Oh, Christ... Well, check again. I'm pretty sure it's in there someplace. Keep diggin', buddy!

Five seconds later -

"Got it!!"

Yeah. So that's about as exciting as things have been around here. It's the calm before the storm. We're closing on the house in less than a month. I'm so happy that all of you are sharing the excitement! I think what I'm looking forward to most of all is having the chance to tell FIL to get the fuck out of my house, if it ever comes to that. Hopefully it won't, but life is funny like that. Perhaps I'm even secretly hoping it will.

The focus of my free time for the last week or so has been my search for Noro Kureyon 139. Now, I'm not even 100% sure that's the colorway I need because, stupid me, I threw away the ball band and this is from my huge Yarn Barn purchase when we went to San Antonio two years ago.

I really thought I'd bought three skeins but I guess I didn't, or perhaps I used one of them or traded it for something. Anyway, I have mastered Feather and Fan and it looked so kickass in this yarn that it about broke my little heart when I got to the end of the second skein and realized the scarf I was making wasn't long enough - and later discovered that the colorway was discontinued. Drat.



Here's me working on it in the only speck of shade available at the Air Show last weekend. It's just about the exact moment when I realized I wasn't going to have enough yarn, but it's still that blissfully ignorant window of time when I honestly thought I probably had more in my stash at home. That's why I'm half-smiling in this picture and not yet pulling my hair out.

So I found it online and yes, I cracked, people. I bought one skein of yarn. For the first time since February. It pained me to do it because I was so proud of my yarn diet. But it had to be done. And I don't even care if the dye lot's the same or not, screw it. I just want to finish the damn thing now. It's time to start Holiday Knitting.

Fortunately, I've got some time to knit when I'm in the carpool line, where I spend half my life, it seems. Ugh. But all of the kids are doing great at school. Beebie even has a lil boyfriend! I'm not entirely sure what I think of it, but she's digging it, so whatever.

We did have a little talk about appropriate boyfriend/girlfriend behavior and that she should always tell him (and me) if he ever does or says anything that makes her feel uncomfortable. I think she can handle it. She did tell me that when they were sitting at a table in the library, he put his hand on her knee under the table. I tried not to freak out (I find libraries incredibly romantic places, myself), so I asked her how she felt about it. She said that she thought it might not be appropriate for their age. I told her I agreed with her.

So we'll see how it goes, but Romeo needs to remember that Beebie's mama is watchin' him, and I'm SO not above kicking his little 10-year-old ass. All I know about him is that Beeb told me that her friends said that he gets in trouble a lot. And he's shorter than she is. And he has the handwriting of a serial killer.

Beeb also auditioned for the Special Chorus at her school. Have I mentioned in as diplomatic a way as possible that singing is (ahem) not Beebie's gift...? Well, she went and auditioned, and made it! And the other two kids in her audition group did not. I figured they must have taken everybody, but apparently they didn't. Way to go, Beeb!

I will say that one of the things I'm going to miss most about Beeb's old school is that crazyass music teacher who wore that Brokeback Mountain - The Musical outfit one year and the Phantom of the Opera with the jockstrap on his head the next. That guy was always doing something blogworthy. I'll have to see if anyone emerges as Prime Blogfodder at this school. I suppose it bears mentioning that Ms. Cheesy has two dachsunds named Mickey and Minnie. Maybe I'll have to change her name to Ms. Ubercheesy.

Let me think what else is going on... oh, I know. I saw the movie Kickin' It Old School with Jamie Kennedy. It was really just awful. And I like Jamie Kennedy. And I like breakdancing and 80's flashbacks jokes and stuff. But it sucked. I've seen a lot of shit movies recently. Underdog was pretty fuckin bad, but it did show the process of Felting rather prominently, so I'll give it Knitter-love points.

I've been eagerly awaiting the fall premieres of my favorite CW shows and, in the meantime, pacifying myself with a great season of Big Bro. Because we don't have cable, R and I will often rent an entire season of an HBO or Showtime show and watch it for several weeks. We love Weeds, The Sopranos, Six Feet Under (which has my vote for Best Show Ever), Entourage, and The Tudors (Yowza!!) and our current show is Deadwood. We're only about halfway through the first season, so don't tell me anything!

Oh, and can I just say in my unique transitionless way that I'm pissed off at WalMart today? Why, you ask? First of all, I went to pick myself up some Werther's Chewy Caramels, and get this - THEY DIDN'T HAVE THEM! NONE! They had two rows of the hard candies and no chewies. And not even a tag indicating that they would be back. Oh, I was bitter. Bastards.

And while I was standing in disbelief in the Candy aisle, a little old woman kinda walked past me to pick up some peanut M&M's, and when she bent over, she farted! You know those itty bitty old lady farts? Yeah. One of those. I giggled silently to myself and thanked God that the kids weren't with me. Can you imagine my Apes? EWWW! MOMMY! THAT OLD LADY TOOTED!!!

So anyway, I decided to fix my chewy craving (please keep all Oral Fixation comments to yourself) with a bag of the fruit-flavored Tootsie Rolls, which come in Cherry, Orange, Lemon, Lime and, my favorite, Vanilla, which obviously isn't a fruit but it tastes awesome when you pop a Vanilla one in your mouth along with an Orange or a Cherry. So I opened the bag in the car and pulled out an Orange. Righteous... all I needed was a Vanilla.

So I fished around in the bag and pulled out several handfuls, each completely devoid of Vanillas. Oh, there's NO WAY... I thought. I dumped out the entire bag on the passenger seat, and I swear to you, there was NOT ONE VANILLA in the whole bag. I couldn't believe it. It's just not my day.

I guess the most interesting thing that happened this week was my eBay auctions. I've been rounding up sellable stuff and last week I made enough to pay for my one skein of Noro 139, which I seriously hope is the right colorway. This week, however, I posted a jacket that I got at a church sale a few months ago. It was a Kickass Old School MTV satiny Starter jacket, from back when they used to only show videos.



With about two hours left, the bid was up to $ 1.04, which was $.04 more than I'd paid for it. I checked back two hours later, and the jacket sold for $36.00!!! WOO HOO!! So I think a little yarny splurge might be in my future. Then I'll keep selling stuff so I can buy sheets and bedding for the King Size Bed I'm going to get when I'm in my new house. This Friday I mail off my penultimate rent check to Evilite! Can you stand it?