Sunday, April 01, 2007


*April Fool!!

Now that I've gotten that out of the way...


Today (tonight, actually), the 2006 WORLD CHAMPIONS ST. LOUIS CARDINALS will take to the field against the New York Pond Scum in the Season Opener! No, I don't have tickets. I don't even have cable, so I won't be able to watch it at all. And I'm pissed.

There used to be so many more games on Free TV. Am I any less of a fan if I can't afford to go to the game, nor can I afford to pay for cable? Of course I'm not, but the League is sure making it tough for cheapasses like myself. I mean, shit, the Cards went ballz out - REO Speedwagon is doing the National Anthem. And I don't get to see it.

At least those of us who must be content to follow the games on the radio (which, last I heard, is still free) have the perhaps unintentional comedic genius of Mike Shannon calling the play-by-play. I've waited all winter to hear him say, "Gittup, baby, gittup!!!" coaxing a well-hit fly ball over the left-field fence.

He's not as funny as he used to be, since he stopped drinking eight or ten Cooooold Frosty Budweisers within the first three innings, but his voice (and the late Jack Buck's) has, my entire life, symbolized summer to me. And, as I got older, men with great asses in tight baseball pants came to symbolize summer to me too. And beer. Don't forget beer. I love beer.

My Beebie came out of her room this morning with, of all things, a CUBS t-shirt on. Of course I would not allow such a sacrilege to take place on Opening Day! I would not even have allowed CUBS paraphernalia to entire my home, but, two years ago Beeb played in a district baseball league and her team's name was the CUBS.

And, true to their namesake, they sucked. But I digress.

So she has a CUBS t-shirt with her name on the back of it. Not an actual Chicago Cubs t-shirt, as I said, but I still made her take the nasty thing off and told her to put on something red instead.

Anyway, so I'm in an unusually good mood today. And I know not all of you care about baseball as much as I do, so I'm going to share with you something I love which has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with baseball.

Ok, none of this is new or anything, but I've had the Barry Gibb Talk Show theme song in my head for about a week now... and the only cure I know of for getting a song out of your head is to put it in someone else's head.

For the clueless, SOMEONE ELSE = YOU.

Talkin it up
On the Barry Gibb Talk Show
Talkin 'bout issues
Talkin 'bout real important issues...

Talkin it up
On the Barry Gibb Talk Show
Talkin 'bout politics
In this crazy, crazy town...

Talkin it up
On the Barry Gibb Talk Show
Talkin 'bout chest hair
Talkin 'bout crazy gold medallions...

And finally, ya know what else I think is hilarious?

People all over the world know exactly which panties I'll be wearing one week from today.

That's just awesome.
Or else really disturbing, I can't decide.

And I'm not flashin' my stash today, maybe I'll do it tomorrow.


Batty said...

Thank goodness I remembered what day it was, or the frustration of not getting any free yarn would have been too much to bear!

Dan said...

If you really want to have the power over FIL may I suggest the REAL PP to wear. No not Power panties, but Paris Panties, as in Paris Hilton. Don't tell R, until you sit down for brunch then lean over and whisper seductively in his ear and let him know what kind of PP you are not wearing.

SiressYorkie said...

Oh man, thanks to you, I was singing in an insane bag lady sort of way, "It's the Barry Gibb Talk Show" under my breath for most of the evening.

Look, I live in a small, rural English village, and I stick out enough already being a Yank. I don't need you to make me do anything else weird, MMKay? *grumble grouse grumble*

Ali said...

You are the best! I was just explaining to my baby brother about the Barry Gibb talk show and the way I have fallen in love with Justin Timberlake since his two stints on SNL. He is seriously funny. I'm emailing my brother the link to your blog.