Shut Up, Beavis!

Today, as I do every day, I dug through the baskets of clean laundry that are sitting on the floor of my bedroom to find clothes for the boys to wear to school. I don't put laundry away. What's the point? The boys come downstairs to my room every morning anyway, and it saves me the trip upstairs.

I'm a little behind on laundry, so the fashion choices today were limited. At the bottom of the basket, I found a huge T-shirt that Pie got at an Eco-Expo Hug A Tree thing we went to last summer. Pie usually wears as a nightshirt. It's got a picture of the world on the front of it and big block letters that say DON'T THROW IT AWAY. Supposed to encourage recycling, I guess. Hippie freaks.

Anyway, it occurred to me that today is Earth Day! So I said Hey, Pie, why don't you wear this shirt to school today!

Mom, it's too BIG.

(That's what she said, I said instinctively in my head. Of course I knew he wouldn't get it, so I didn't say it out loud, but I can't stop my brain from thinking it. Seriously, it's like a reflex.)

No, dude, it's perfect! If anybody gives you a hard time about your shirt looking silly, just say, DUH! IT'S EARTH DAY!

Oh yeah! It IS Earth Day!!

Yeah, and you could say I love the Earth, don't you love the planet that you're from?

Ooooh, I know - I'll say Don't you love URANUS??


I choked on my breakfast.


Apparently he's caught on to the fact that I snicker a little whenever he talks about the Solar System and anything to do with Uranus. I'm SORRY. I know I have the sense of humor of a twelve-year-old boy. I've never denied it. Does that make me a bad person? No, it makes me a fucking genius blogger.


Mom, why is Uranus funny?

At this point I was chuckling too hard to speak, but I thought it was amusing that he knew that Uranus was the funniest planet in our solar system, he just didn't know Why. I actually really respect that. Humor is funniest when you know what you're talking about. Or if you're making fun of the fact that you have no idea what you're talking about.

Ummm, ok, Pie... ANUS is another word for BUTT. So when you say Uranus...

It's like saying Your Butt!! Heh heh heh heh... You're from Your Butt!! Let's send a rocketship to explore Your Anus, Mom!!! Heh heh...

We laughed ourselves to tears. We bonded over Uranus.


And now, it's like a million times funnier, cuz Pie thinks it's funny too. I've opened up a whole new realm of potty humor for my son.

I'm the best mom in the world.