Thursday, April 02, 2009

A Comedy of Errors.

Sometimes things got horribly wrong when nice people try to do nice things.

Since I met Rip last summer, his life has been anything but boring. Well, let's be honest - whose life isn't rendered less boring by my presence?

Rip's divorced after being married for twenty years to the biggest bitch alive (I think I might know a runner-up for that title, but whatever), who lives to inconvenience and annoy Rip as much as possible and whose ballbuster divorce lawyer actually quit because she couldn't stand the bitch either. I love that story.

Rip's been through a lot recently, and finally his life appears to be on an upswing. He finally followed his own advice and got out of a toxic relationship that had been dragging him down for months. He's been trying to buy his ex out of the house that his she has been living in (which she was supposed to be making payments on, but didn't), and trying to co-ordinate this purchase with the expiration of lease on the house that he's currently renting.

His lease was supposed to be up on April 15th but his landlord is letting him stay until the end of the month, so he's sponsoring a series of Drink Beer and Help Pack parties, to which you are all invited. I've already volunteered my services.

Last week Rip called me to see if I'd come to the liquor store with him (um.... DUH!) and pick up a keg for this project. After we got it in the Kegerator, we started moving stuff around in his garage, and I saw two shelves packed full of bags and boxes with blankets in them.

Do you really need all of those blankets, Rip? There must be about fifty of them!

Oh, no, they're for Project Linus. A friend of mine was going to take them to Glennon Hospital so I told her I'd take them in for her... like, a year ago.

Ok, well, blankets aren't heavy, I can manage to carry them myself, so next week while you're in Phoenix, I'll take them in for you, and we'll free up some shelf space for other stuff, and when you get home we can start packing.

Oh, that'd be so awesome! You're the best!

I know.

So Rip was supposed to give me the name of the contact person at the hospital, but because he was understandably reluctant to call the woman who gave them to him to ask the name of the person he was supposed to take the blankets to... like, a year ago, I took matters into my own capable hands and went online to do the research myself.

I discovered that there was a Project Linus representative in my little part of town who allowed drop-offs at her house. Fantastic! Rip would be so relieved to be rid of these things, and this would mean I wouldn't have to drive all the way into the city to take the blankets to Project Linus. It was a win-win-win.

I emailed the woman, got directions to her house (less than 5 minutes away!), mentally co-ordinated my schedule to include the picking up and dropping off of the blankets most efficiently, and waited for it to be not too early for me to call Rip, who was in a time zone two hours behind.

Hey, Rip - I got that blanket thing worked out! Is it critical that these blankets get to Glennon, or do they just need to get to Project Linus? Cuz I found a lady really close who collects blankets for Project Linus and she said she'd take them! Problem solved! You're welcome!

Wait a minute, you emailed the local co-ordinator of Project Linus?

Yeah! I just went on the Project Linus website...

Is her name Katie?

Yeah, I think that's her name, why?

SHIT, Sarah - that's who GAVE them to ME. The blankets are FOR Project Linus to give to the patients at Glennon. They HAVE to go there. You CAN'T give them back to her or she'll know I've been sitting on them for... like, a year!!

Then why the FUCK did you offer to take them to Glennon when it's her job to do that!??

I was just trying to be nice!!!

So now I have to figure out how I'm going to break it to the woman that I'm actually NOT going to bring her the blankets I'd already offered to donate, since they've already been donated once, labeled and placed, by her, into boxes and bags. FUCK.

I've packed them in the Odyssexy.

Why did I think I could handle this myself?
I was just trying to be nice!

I roped Speed into helping me deliver them today, because I had this vision of having to park on the 6th floor of the hospital parking garage and make ten trips back and forth all by myself. I'd do it if it came to that, but I'd rather have some help, so I was really happy Speed could lend a hand.

Rip, you know I love you, but the next time you offer to do something nice for someone, I'm going to punch you in the face.


Kev said...

So do I get to punch him in the face too since I'm helping? I mean, obviously you get first swing...

Speed "atoning for some horrible sin or something" Racer

turtlegirl76 said...

Oh shit. Doesn't that figure! Just tell her you ended up taking them into the city but thanks for being so accommodating!

Batty said...

Is he seeing someone for depression? Maybe he was crazy busy living his life, but if he's procrastinating things for no good reason, time just goes by, suddenly, it's a year later... oh, crap...
it might be worth checking out. I get a really bad case of SAD around February/March, and things just drag, get left undone, productivity at work goes down... it sucks.

I'm sorry about the blanket mess. Wow, that's worse than regifting to the wrong person! You were just trying to be nice... sorry it turned out this way.

Rip(ped), as in "a new one" said...


Can't we all just get along?

I'm sorry to have put you through that, PK. I left out a big piece of the puzzle when you said you'd take them to CG. How was I to know you would RESEARCH their origins??? And I was wrong to have sat on them for lo, all those many months.

Can I try to spin this in my most optimistic fashion possible? Remember the conversation we had right after you dropped all those blankets off? You gushed about how GIDDY the recipients were. You were front row on a truly wonderful giving experience. I hope that makes the whole thing worth it.

You can just tell the PL person that you don't need to drop them off any more because you took care of it. That's all you need to say. Cuz that's exactly what you did.

I am sincerely sorry for having put you through any misery or angst. I can make it up to you with frivolity, mirth and alcohol, as I am equipped to do all of that.

You, too, Speed. You and your better half are both welcome to attend any and all of my Packing Parties. Dates and times TBA.

Please, no face punching. I'm sorry.

Kev said...

So I can come to the packing party, drink beer, but not have to actually pack?

And OK, no face punching. I'm cool with substituting kicking in the nutz. (Kidding!)

I got to have lunch at Pappy's with PK, so its all good.