Monday, May 21, 2007

So I Went to the Renaissance Faire...

... and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!

Let me preface this whole story by saying that I had never been to a Ren Faire before. The Pirate Festival was similar, but this was a full-on Renaissance Faire. You also have to appreciate that hangin out with Rennies is SO not my scene. I mean, I'm a closet geek, I'll admit it, but Ren Faires are a little too In Yer Face with the geekiness for my taste.

But I did it. I went. I didn't get all garbed up, but I went. We stayed the whole day. AND I liked it. AND I'll go again. AND maybe I'll dress up in something wenchy.

HUZZAH! We had a good time. I even did the Caber Toss, can you believe? And quite well, I might add.

There's sumthin kinda hot about dudes in kilts. I actually said that to one of the young Scots, to which he replied,

"Aye, yer a flurrrrrty thing, aren't ye?"

Why, yes. Yes, I am.

Must be all that practice I've had flirting with my Beloved Local Meteorologist, Upon Whom I Have a Wickedly Impure Crush.

There's also sumthin really sexy about a dude walkin around in garb and gnawin on a big ol' turkey leg. I know that's probably icky to most people, but for some bizarre reason, I'm incredibly turned on by that. I, myself, however, prefered to eat something more dainty. Like a roasted ear of corn. Yum.

I'm Dead Sexy!! You know you want summa dis!

I never know if I'm supposed to speak in character to someone in a costume if I'm not dressed as a character, ya know? I'd just want to talk like my snarky lil self to the villagers and the merchants and everyone would speak to me in accents and it was cool but it also frustrated me a little simply because I wanted to ask real, honest, questions like, aren't you DYING in that corset??

Anyway, then I met The Falconer Lady whose falcon freaked me out when he flapped his wings and BRAAAAAWKED and looked like he was gonna rip out a vein in my neck or something. I thought R was going to piss himself laughing at me. He shoulda snapped a picture of me screaming and running away in horror, I'm sure it would have been hilarious. I'm freakin' terrified of birds. Particularly birds of, um, prey.

Beebie and Pie wore the hats I made them, from the book Folk Hats. Tito also wore a hat I made, but it was the one I made him for his Halloween costume - James, from the Thomas the Tank Engine series. Not exactly period, but he wanted to wear something that his mommy made too.

You may recognize Beeb's shawl as the one I wore to the Pirate Festival.

The blue cards in their hands are their King's Quest Cards. You're supposed to visit the different booths and merchants and get them to stamp the card, then when the King and Queen hold court, you present them with your completed quest card and you are Thereby Officially Knighted.

Pie was deliriously excited about that.

Here are my children being named Defenders of the Realm. It was a very proud moment for me as a parent, lemme tell ya.

Beebie was also selected from the audience to play the Queen in a play about Sir George and the Dragon.

Pie didn't want to be in the show. He wanted to try on fancy clothes.

So we walked around and the boys got some fancy wooden swords (which you have to pronounce like Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery) and Beeb got some fancy pink and purple knee socks, and I got some perfume oil, and then it was time for the Joust.

Based on where we were sitting, we were supposed to cheer for the bad guy. His name was Malcolm, and his motto was "cheat to win". It was interesting to watch the Joust, especially as it was billed as To The Death. At the end, Duncan, the good guy (the one we were actually cheering against), was about to win but Malcolm begged for mercy, and then when Duncan had his back turned and was giving a little speech about the virtues of being merciful, Malcolm snuck up behind him and stabbed him. And, as if that weren't enough, Malcolm knelt down, took his dagger and cut Duncan's throat.

CUT THE MAN'S THROAT. Blood spurting and everything. If you look carefully at this picture, you can see it.

I mean, obviously, it was pretend, but shit! I didn't expect that much realism. It was kinda horrifying.

You should have seen my poor Pie. He turned pale. He was absolutely AGHAST. I poked R to make sure he told Pie it was pretend, and once Pie realized the blood was fake, he was just fine.

Speaking of my Pie, he is now a PreSchool Graduate. His class had their little graduation ceremony yesterday, and, as I had previously warned Anti-Stella, I wept. It was that Michael W. Smith "Friends" song. It gets me every single time. Seriously. Even thinking about it now, I'm choking up a little.

I managed to videotape the ceremony for R, whose evil job would not let him leave for an important milestone in his child's academic career. But said evil job pays the evil bills, so whatever. And here's where I was going with that thought - I cried again while I watched the tape.

Anyway, as he walked back down the aisle after receiving his diploma, he did the Rock 'N Roll hand gesture which I found rather amusing.

And, as part of the ceremony, each kid gets to say what they want to be when they grow up. For the last several months, Pie has declared that he wants to be a comic book artist. Yesterday, however, he said he wanted to be a teacher. Everyone went "awwwwww...".

I was just glad he didn't say he wanted to be a lazy fatass like his mommy. He's been known to say totally off the wall stuff that embarrasses the friggin hell outta me.

So, let me think what else is going on... well, I've been trying to commit myself to exercising more with the kids, and the only way to really do that is to actually trick them into it by telling them we're going on a Nature Hike.

Last Saturday we went on a Nature Hike. The kids were really good for me on the 3/4 mile walk and I was proud of them.

And we saw some nature.

Including a skink, I think.

Pie wanted to name it Skinky the Skink. I thought it would be funny to name it Skanky the Skink. Beeb suggested we name it Britney Spears, since her name and the word Skanky are pretty much interchangable.

Tomorrow night, Beeb is playing My Country 'Tis of Thee on her flute in the school's Variety Show. I'll take a photo or two for you. I haven't heard whether or not Aldigirl will be performing. I sure hope so.

In knitting news, I'm working on something - another stashbuster projext - and I'll show you when I'm done. Unless it sucks, in which case, I won't show anyone.

I'm also working on my Dong-A-Long project. I've received three so far, and I'll post them on the Dong-A-Long Blog later this week.


Robin said...

Gotta love the Ren Faire. Dh has a kilt! Oh, and I explained all the colorway names just for thee...

DomesticOverlord said...

I so needed your post today. I was all melencholy until I read about you at the ren faire. Now I just wish I was with you at a ren faire! That'd be a hoot.

Rebel said...

Sounds like you had a blast!! You are the world's coolest mom you know. ;) - zuma

Trillian42 said...

Heh... maybe next year I'll lend you my RenFair outfit. You've got better boobs for it than I do. :D

And Beeb is DEFINITELY your kid. I love the line about Britney and "skank" being interchangeable.

Bezzie said...

"(which you have to pronounce like Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery)"

And this, my dear Penny, is why I love you.

I swear to god, I don't know if I could hold my tongue at a ren faire. I don't know how you did it!

Wendy said...

Ah! Memories ;). The best thing about Texas, when we lived there many moons ago, was the Scarborough Faire in Waxahatchie. It was SO much fun!

Poops said...

"Your mother's a whore, Trebek."

(I did that with my best Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery impression. It was good, too. I know because I laughed.)

I'm not sure if I love you more or the Ape Squad. Or that shirt that says "wench" on it. I'm just enamored of all things PK today.

Oh, and I'm tagging you for the Seven Random Things meme. Because if anyone can do random up right, it's PK.

Carry on.

SiressYorkie said...

I...erm...used to be a RenFest nerd in HS, even worked at the MD one in my Senior year. You've no idea of the twisted, dysfucntional types that hang out there and also help run it. It's actually like a travelling carnival (each section of the country is run by a different branch of the same company), so you wind up living out of trailers and setting up in different places year round, like carnies.

Makes me shudder to think of it. But that summer I got SO sick of shouting "HUZZAH!" and faking an English accent. It's much more fun to be a patron rather than a performer at RenFest.

Batty said...

Yeah, I want some of this! Gimme that corn on the cob or I'll make you walk the plank!

Oh, wait. That was the pirate festival. Never mind. But I, too, was a Ren Faire geek. It's fun.