Friday, August 17, 2007

I Kicked the Bitch OUT!

Last night I packed up every single Barbie item I could find in my house.

I'm so sick of that little plastic bitch's ass.

When I first read the Wanted: Barbies post on Freecycle, I was hesitant to get rid of Beeb's Barbie stuff. I knew she hadn't played Barbies for years, and yet part of me wanted to hold onto it in case she changed her mind or something. Or in case someday I'd have a granddaughter and she came over she could have something to play with. Someday. Oh, by the way, I'm only 36. Yeah, it's right around the corner.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a huge pack rat. I form sentimental attachments to objects. I'm sure there's some psychological implication there, but I've always been this way. I remember being in 1st grade and being in some Parents' Night event in which I, along with the other girls in my class, danced on the stage to "Sunny Side of the Street". We wore little bows in our hair, and our teacher mentioned that the bows would be a little keepsake from our show.

It was the first time I'd heard the word Keepsake. I asked her what it meant, and she said that it meant something that reminds you of something special. And after that, every little thing - every rock or feather I picked up on my walks with my dad, every note from my old boyfriend, everything that reminded me of something I wanted to remember, I saved. It drove my parents crazy. Pie does this now, and it drives ME crazy.

I've gotten better about it over the years. I've pared it down to just a few things that I refuse to part with. I don't even know why I keep these things, I just can't bring myself to throw them away. It's not like I even look at them every day, and I'll probably never look at them again, they're just there. My old diary, for example, I have no desire to read. I just think it would really depress me. Like how different my life is from the life I'd imagined for myself back then. Not that it's bad now, it's not, but how many of us are living the lives we dreamed of when we were little?

Having kids turned me into an even bigger pack rat because now I wasn't just saving my own stuff, I was saving the kids' stuff too. Oh, I remember how much Beebie used to love that little red stuffed dinosaur... stuff like that. I want to remember her toddling around lugging Diney by his neck. Or Pie's arsenal of binkies that we used to clip to his shirt, three at a time (for some reason, he always wanted to have three of them available). Or Tito's first drawing.

I know keeping their stuff won't keep them little. Kids get big. Here's the obligatory First Day of Kindergarten picture.

Yes, my Pie went to Kindergarten on Wednesday, and my Beeb went to 5th grade. Beeb has a man teacher, and I have to tell you, he's kinda HOT. I need to come up with a clever pseudonym for him. I pride myself on my pseudonyms. I keep hearing The Police's song... "Young teacher... the subject... of schoolgirl fantasy...". Maybe I'll call him Mr. Sumner.

Pie's teacher is Ms. Cheesy. She's totally Romperbomperstomperboo. "We are gonna have SOOOOOOOOO much fuuuuuuuun!!!!" I know kindergarten teacher are supposed to be kinda over-the-top enthusiastic, but girlfriend takes it to the H-N-L.

Hole Nuthah Level.

I also need to come up with a better name for Camille's mom. I called her Margie before because I think she's marginally OCD, but I've been thinking about it a lot and she's almost the embodiment of what I imagine Christopher Walken's voice would sound like if he was a woman. And I've caught myself, every time I mention her name, following it with "I love her to death, she's sweet as can be, she's just really INTENSE."

Let me give you an example.

Once I was over at her house and we were making lunch for the kids. In addition to Camille, she also has twin 3-year-old sons who both call me Pie. I was spreading peanut butter on bread for the sandwiches and she gasped all horrified and said, "What are you doing??"

Making sammiches. What?

You gotta spread the peanut butter all the way to the edge of the bread!

Um, okay. Sorry...

And I thought I was unpredicatably anal about stupid shit. That's what I'm dealing with. And again, love her to death, but man, she gives me a friggin headache.

So I forsee some potentially interesting drama this year. I seriously hope she doesn't become the person I can't stand the sight of at this new school.

And why didn't you guys try to stop me from organizing my day into completely impractical, unworkable little 3-hour segments? Drop off Beeb, hang out with the boys until it's time to take Pie to school, pick Beeb and Pie up at 4. Why didn't anyone try to talk some fuckin sense into me? Why did that seem like such a great idea when I thought of and committed to it? I am an IDIOT. Today, I'm so tired from all the running around I feel like crying.

Which brings me to my next announcement - I'm going to be adding another medication to my daily routine. Xanax, for my anxiety. Therapenny doesn't think I'm bipolar, she thinks I have issues with Anxiety. Hmmmm.... YA THINK???

I wanted to get on it as the house stresses are going to get worse before they get better. I knew it would be stressful, but MAN, what's wearing me out the most is rounding up all the stupid documents I have to fork over for the lender. It'll be worth it, I know, but I'm exhausted and we haven't even started the hard part. Packing our stuff up to move is going to be extremely difficult for me. I'm going to feel like I'm throwing away memories.

And yet, for some reason, getting rid of Barbie and her entourage's Pepto-pink shit was totally cathartic.

Perhaps there is hope for me after all.


Bezzie said...

Holy shit. Chunky's wearing that SAME shirt at school as I type this. $3.98 on the Target clearance rack! Ha ha!

You'll be surprised how quick you get over pitching the what seems to be sentimental crap. I'm thinking about ditching the baby shit this weekend--crib, highchair, the whole caboodle. You can do it!

Elizabeth said...

Good riddance to Barbie!

One great thing about only having boys is NEVER having to go down the Pink Aisle at Toys'R'Us.

Our school doesn't start until Sept 4. I am counting down, spleenfully.

Carol said...

Pay some professional movers. Trust me. It's worth it.

sophanne said...

Dear PennyKarma-

You are on my bloglines because of your adept skill at nicknames and because you blog the way I would if I weren't afraid that people were reading it. How pathetic am I?

Xanax is very much good for anxiety. You'll want to be sure to have some before you visit Marge again. Yikes. I've needed it less since I stopped hanging out with crazy people. However I anticipate needing it a little more as the school year starts and I'm required to interact with other teachers like the K teacher and not so much like the 5th grade teacher.

Barbie? Good Riddance Bitch. Though I will say that if my mom had saved the 1950's vintage Barbies we got from an older cousin, I would be a wealthy woman now. I wouldn't worry about the latest Barbie shit being worthin anything.

Rachel said...

Bipolar is way crazier than you come across. :) I say go for the Xanax.

Sheryl said...

PK is hot for teacher! Remember Van Halen??
My friend and I would give her cat rides in the Barbie van. Once it went down the stairs, or maybe twice. Poor Mitzy. Good to get rid of stuff before they become tools of torture. Besides, pack rats become hoarders in old age and it can get ugly.
Why take the peanut butter all the way to the edge, who eats the crust anyway?
I remember those 3 hr chunks of time. It's like you have to start out with nothing and work your way up. I started at 2.5 and will up to 6. xanax + power panties = you can do it!

Batty said...

You go! You're my new feminist role model.

Ferris Family said...

Stressed with being a Taxi, one word... LAIDLAW! I'm loving the bus, in spite of Friday's snafoo. (read my blog, you'll find the humor).
Barbie... Ah, what a wonderful purge you just made!!!
Margie... I don't envy you, not one bit! I'm sad that Coop is alone without his "old" friends, but dude, you can keep that one. She does need a better name, how about Ritlin? She could definately benefit from an elephant dose of it.

Ferris Family said...

Forgot to add... Hot teacher?!?! Way jealous. Coop's teacher wears jumpers. Her last name is that of a common forest creature. Coop came home from school the first day cofused, she didn't have claws or a funny hairy face like he expected becasue of her last name. I laughed, hard.

Carina said...

Good for you for getting Barbie out. I won't let her in, which bothers my daughter, but now we're an American Girl family, which is probably worse. *sigh*

I hear ya on the three hour thing. I have that this year, too. Anna goes in the morning, I take Stephen at noon, and they come home at almost four. And I'm supposed to get a lot done how?

kate said...

Hi! First time commenter, semi-long time reader. I came here for the knitting and stayed for the snark. I just wanted to say that I have had anxiety issues in the past and I have taken xanax before. Word to the wise: be careful with that shite. Take as little as you can get away with. It makes you feel great, but it made me really loopy...Love tha blog!

SiressYorkie said...

I'm wondering if your anxiety will improve once that plastic pink bitch is out of your house. She always made me feel inadequate and fat.

matxdc said...

I figured I should put a comment down at some point, and this seemed as good a time as any. I completely agree with the idea of hiring the movers, although it usually doesn't get you out of having to pack, which I always found was worse than actually moving. Anxiety is completely understandable, you've got a boatload of stuff going on, and it's tough for a person to juggle. If you ever need a bit of relief, just remember, your children are an absolutely prescious gift. That, and in 12 or 13 years you can leagally throw them all out.