Monday, February 19, 2007

Am I still funny? I don't feel funny.

Are you sick of hearing Back in Black yet? I'm not!

I had a Raw-ther busy week last week.

For Valentine's Day, R took me to G&W Meats to buy some meat sticks and some of the freakin awesome bratwurst they sell at Grant's Farm. Then we went Hardee's for lunch, and he offered to take me to Knitorious, but I was okay on yarn for now. He had to go to his class in the evening. Overall, an uneventful day. That's how I like it. I did get a package of pretty yarn from The Kitchener Bitch in the VD exchange hosted by the Knittyheads. Yarn is good.

Thursday night was Pie's birthday party. Anti-Stella and I had a brilliant idea to co-host a birthday party for both of our sons (her son's birthday is the 19th, Pie's is the 10th) and split the cost. It worked out very well. We invited the whole class to Chuck E Cheese and it wound up costing each of us about $110. Perfect. Tito's cost twice that and we invited half as many kids. And P.S., Anti-Stella totally rocks.

And I must publicly commend Chuck E Cheese on how well they manage birthday parties. I was very impressed. Our assistant was very energetic and attentive and everyone had a great time. Pie got some really cool presents, his favorites being a Kit Fisto action figure and some money from MIL and FIL that allowed him to purchase the Nintendo DS Lite he's been craving ever since Beebie got one. The two of them have been playing Nintendogs in Bark Mode all day.

Friday I went for a LONG overdue session with my therapist, whose name, coincidentally, happens to be Penny. I told her about how I went off the meds without meaning to, then had a completely paralyzing breakdown and now I'm leveled out on the meds but I kinda miss the "ups" because my life feels boring now. Guess what she said?

She said, "Do you think you could be Bipolar?"

How many times have I contemplated that same question on here?

I also told her I write a blog which is quite therapeutic and helps with my feelings of total isolation.

On Friday I also mailed My Beloved Local Legend Glenn Zimmerman a hand-knit nosewarmer. He dug it and he said he'll let me know when he's going to wear it on the air so I can tell all my knitting pals to watch. I'll tape it if I can. Would YOUR meteorologist wear a knitted nosewarmer on the air? Glenn Zimmerman is so damn cool.

Friday night I realized that after three late nights in a row, my kids hadn't had a bath in three days. It was too late by the time I realized it, so I suggested that Saturday would be a Backwards Day, where we would all wake up and eat pizza for dinner, then take baths and get dressed. Everybody was on board. And yes, I did make pizza for breakfast and cereal for dinner. See, if I was off the meds, this would probably have been more of an "up" for me, but I was kinda proud of myself for tricking them into taking a bath in the morning.

Saturday was R's cousin's wedding. I had been looking for an outfit for Beeb to wear all week, and I found something at Limited Too for her to try - a brown patterned skirt and an off-white kinda sheer top. Not inappropriately sheer, but sheer enough that she needed to wear something under it. So I went ahead and bought her...

A BRA.

She jumped up and down screaming THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!!!!! Apparently I scored some Cool Mom points.

My personal experience with Bras is a lifetime of misery - boys snapping your straps and assuming you're a slut because you have been blessed with an Ample Bosom, and never being able to find a cute one in your size. My size bras come in white, beige, black, and if I'm lucky, pink. And they have about twenty hooks in the back. Ok, it's really three or four, but it feels like twenty when you're trying to undo it seductively in a passionate moment. And need I remind you all of Ray the WalMart Brafondler? But hey, if Beebie wants one, fine. If it enhances her social status, great. Whatever.

So later, at the wedding, when MIL, FIL, The Aldi's and Beeb took up an entire row and there was no room for me, I sat directly behind Beeb, breathing a sigh of relief and hoping that I might actually get to sit by somebody fun.

Enter Aunt Drama. She is, hands down, the BEST one to sit next to at family functions.

She was complimenting me on Beeb and what a nice young lady she is growing up to be. I told her about how I'd bought her a bra, and added how much I hate bras. She said, "Oh, honey, that's the first thing I take off as soon as I get home!" Then we talked chatted about bras and boobs, and it turns out, Aunt Drama and I wear the same bra size. When I told R that, he just about threw up.

An interesting tidbit that I noticed in the vows - instead of "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer", the minister said "for better AND for worse, for richer AND for poorer". That caught my attention, because anyone who's been married knows that there's better AND worse and sometimes the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

So this wedding was a little unorthodox, but fun. This is the bride's third wedding and the groom's second. The bride wore a red dress (which really looked smashing on her), and her two sons gave her away. They walked down the aisle to "You Had Me At Hello" and after they exchanged rings, they played the entire four minutes of "Kiss From a Rose" while we all sat there wondering what we were supposed to be doing. Aunt Drama and I got a fit of the Most Inappropriate Giggles. Then they walked back down the aisle to "I Cross My Heart" by George Strait. It soon became the Redneck Disco Wedding.

The reception had a DJ, which I thought was kinda funny as there were only maybe 50 people there, most of whom I would NOT want to see throwing down on the dance floor, and NO alcohol. And the first song the DJ put on was "It's Raining Men". I about crapped my pants laughing.

MIL asked me what was so funny and I told her that this song is a favorite with drag queens. I was kinda disappointed that she didn't ask me how I knew. I SO wanted to let the fact that I have numerous gay friends and have been to drag queen pageants accidentally slip out in FIL's presence, just to totally reinforce the fact that I'm wild and zany and obnoxious as hell and probably the complete antithesis of their dream DIL, and there ain't a damn thing he can do about it. Plus, the next song the DJ played was "We are Family". That would have driven home my point beautifully. Ah, well.

Oh, and Beebie caught the bouquet, and Aldigirl snatched it from her so Mrs. Aldi made her give it back to Beebie. And Aldiboy actually caught the garter, which Aldigirl also snatched. Oh, I wish I had taken video of Aldigirl on the dance floor so that when she becomes a pole dancer I could whip out this footage to remind everyone that yes, there were indeed plenty of warning signs.

Their party favors were mix CD's of their favorite songs. A sweet idea (I wish I'd thought of it for our wedding ten years ago), but a really strange compilation. I snagged an extra copy just so I could give it away as a prize in a contest. I'm not telling you what's on it.

Here's the contest question - What is my (and Aunt Drama's) bra size?

I'll pull a winner next Monday from the correct answers sent either via email or comments. Maybe I'll post a Mardi Gras pic of me to give you some guidance. Would you think I was awful for flashing for beads on the blog? You know you wanna see the piercings. Maybe I can do it tastefully. Nah, probably not. Forget it. If you really wanna see, I'll email it to you privately if you promise to send me some beads.

Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, I wanted to let you know that I'm also hosting the 2nd Annual Online Oscar Party! I'll post the categories and nominees so you can make your predictions. AND of course I'll also host the Red Carpet Party, to which you are all encouraged to submit photos of yourselves in your Red Carpet Finery.

Yesterday we returned to the Pevely Flea Market, and on our way home we saw a Wendy's in Herculaneum, MO, the closest one to the Greater St. Louis area since the local franchise declared bankrupcy and every single one had to close down. I inhaled a delicious cheeseburger, and felt the Wrath of Wendy for the rest of the day.

When I got home, I started reading another book (Can ya believe??) called It's All Too Much. The author, whose name eludes me, says we should think about our vision for the life we want and only keep the things that contribute to that vision. In the life I want, I have a closet full of clothes that fit great and look good on me. I was inspired to clean out my closet, and I got rid of an entire trashbag full of clothes. Way to go, me. I wish I had taken a before picture. I'll see what I can do. Maybe I'll take a pic of R's side for the sake of comparison.

Tito is singing "That's the way, uh-huh uh-huh I like it, uh-huh uh-huh!" Charming. Say, that reminds me of a story. Once when Tito was about 2, he woke us up in the middle of the night by jumping up and down in his squeaky crib and singing "Hot Pants", only it sounded like "Ha Pince! YAY!!" Good thing I was listening to James Brown in the car and not NWA. Imagine waking up to "Ho, go home and wash out yer beavah!!!"

Tomorrow's my Sock Class. I'm totally stoked.

And I'm sorry I haven't been writing as often, dear readers. I have to force myself to think of things amusing enough to tell you about. But it's worth it just to see the smiles on your stinky little faces.

9 comments:

Zonda said...

What an interesting week! :) Yes, you are still funny! You have a wonderful, funny way of describing things, as boring as you think they may be!

Good luck with your sock class!!

Elspeth said...

My friends did that CD mix thing at their wedding. I was a bit disgusted by "Baby Got Back" being part of it, but whatever. We kept one to harass the groom with in years to come.

Also, my kids have been having fun with '70s songs too. They loved hearing "Shake Your Booty". Can you believe what was top 10 back then? I wouldn't have played it in my wedding, but still ...

I'm going to say 38 EE as a guess.

Helen said...

girl, anyone who would flash me online is okay in my book =D

love reading your blog.

OldLadyPenPal said...

I don't know your Aunt Drama's boob size, and although they're the same size as yours I bet they're nowhere near as sex-ay, baby!

I'd go through the archives to find the real answer, but I just got back from class and I'm too tired.

By the way- I dare you to accidentally on purpose put gum in Aldigirl's hair next time you see her.

Cheesy Knit Wit said...

Okay, just guessing because I am too lazy to search for your bra size: 38 DD

So do they test you to find out if you are indeed bipolar?

Blessings to you and yours!

Kay

Carol said...

38D Baby! And no, the Back in Black is not old yet. Although the first time it came on I was quite startled!

DomesticOverlord said...

I know you wear a DD because of that pic of you by the Highway DD sign.

I gotta tell ya, I've been missin' Tu vida loca lately but I don't really write much about our craziness so I can't really complain. Perhaps I'll change that...

Bezzie said...

Awww.....I won't be able to do the Oscar party this year. Ha ha, that's when I first got hooked on this blog...has it been a year already??

Alisha said...

The song ain't getting old and I find you very amusing!!

I'll have to check out this Oscar party you talk of.

Now I want a burger....even if it is onlt 10 am.

I will guess 44D.......I don't know LOL I have limited boobage it is hard to know what to guess.