Thursday, May 31, 2007

Doin' Random Up Right.

So I've been tagged three times (by Poops, LynnM, and Carmen) to reveal seven random things about myself.

Seven, huh? Fine.

Shall I relate each to one of the Deadly Sins, just for fun?

Sloth - I hate mopping the kitchen floor. And updating the bank balance. And laundry. And hand-washing dishes.

Gluttony - Sometimes, when my kids aren't around, I'll hit the drive-thru and have a damn milkshake for breakfast.

Lust - Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp.

Envy - I quote Morrissey - We hate it when our friends become successful. I hate to say it, but it's really kinda true.

Wrath - I don't think I have a really hot temper, but I hold grudges FOREVER. I know it's wrong, but if somebody wrongs me, I may forgive, but I never forget. I LOVE a well-crafted and perfectly-timed revenge plot.

Pride - One of my proudest accomplishments is the time I saved over $26 in coupons at the grocery store. I'm DAMN proud of that. In fact, I still have the actual receipt taped to the refrigerator.

Greed - I'm working on my greed issues. I haven't bought yarn, CD's or clothes for myself for quite some time. I did buy a pair of shoes last week, but they were only $20 and I really kinda needed them. Kinda.

Nah, if there's a theme to the randomness, then that's not really random, is it? Ok, then - y'all are getting a bonus. I'll reveal seven more things. And these will be random.

1. Back when I was single, I was what I like to call a "last name shopper". By that I mean that I would have serious reservations about marrying a guy whose last name I didn't like, either for the way it fit with my first name or for whatever other reason I could think of.

For example, one guy I dated for a really long time's last name rhymed with my first name. I didn't want to be Sarah Barerra. Call me shallow. Another guy I dated's last name was Tsiu, pronounced like Sue. I didn't want to go through life as Sarah Sue either.

In my own defense, in both cases there were myriad other reasons why it just wasn't going to work out between me and the aforementioned guys (who are now on the scrap heap along with the other guys whose hearts I've broken in my younger days).

My other primary reason for rejecting a last name was where it came in the alphabet. No Abernathy, and no Zwieben. I went through school with an end-of-the-alphabet last name and I hated it. The only thing worse, I always imagined, would be having the first name on the class list and having to go first on Oral Book Report Day.

I absolutely love my married name. It rolls beautifully off the tongue. Plus, as a bonus, I got a fantastic husband too.

2. I had a roommate in college that I couldn't stand. I actually had three roommates, and the other two hated the roommate too. She was just a redneck idiot. For a while she was dating two guys, both named Brad. Brad #1 was technically her fiance, and he was attending a school about an hour away. Brad #2, conveniently, lived in the fraternity house next door. My boyfriend was in the same fraternity.

The Much-Despised Roommate met Brad #2 when she and I attended a party at the neighboring fraternity house. Neither of us got home until the next day, but I got home quite a bit earlier and informed the other roommates that I was pretty sure she'd shacked up with Brad #2. We heard her merrily trotting up the stairs and decided to pretend we were asleep so we wouldn't have to hear her tell all of us about how amaaaaaazing her evening of Bradlust was. Gag.

Ok, it was like 2:00 in the afternoon.

She barges in and starts to speak the beginning word of any sentence she ever spoke... "(insert stereotypical sorority girl gasp) Ahmigodyaguys...", then she realizes we're all asleep and immediately picks up the phone.

Obviously, we could hear only her end of the conversation.


AhmigodTina! Guess what?
I TOTALLY shacked with Brad last night!
I know! I know!!!
He's sooooo cute!

Ugh, no he's not! He's a Neanderthal. His knuckles practically drag on the ground. His fraternity brothers call him Lurch, for cryin' out loud.

And he's reeeeeeally sweet. I can't wait for you to meet him!

(pause - and don't think we didn't know just exactly what question was being asked)

Well, we tried but... he couldn't get it up.

We shook in our beds with silent laughter.

Well, I'm gonna go take a shower, I just HAD to tell you!
Ahmigodthanks! Bye!!

I shared that story because for some reason I remembered it today. I assure you that it wasn't because of some erectile dysfunction. R's plenty functional.

3. R got a vasectomy on our anniversary two years ago. I like to think of it as The Gift That Keeps On Not Giving.

4. I can say the names of all fifty states in alphabetical order in less than ten seconds. I can also fit my entire fist in my mouth. The latter is a popular party trick.

5. My parents, sister and I were in a commercial once when I was about nine or ten years old. It was for a bank. My line was "C'mon, Dad, let's go!" or something like that. I never got to see it because the bank was located in a different part of the state.

6. I've been watching the DVD's of Little House On The Prairie with my kids. I used to love that show. I think I'll conveniently skip the one when Albert's girlfriend gets raped, though.

7. I told my Beloved Local Meteorologist that I was pregnant with Tito before I told my parents. See, the reality is, I have a crush on him, but we actually are friends and have been for about five years, when I first met him at a station-sponsored premiere of the movie Ice Age.

That random enough?

I have no idea who hasn't been tagged for this, so I hereby invite anyone who hasn't to participate!


Dulcedosa said...

Ahmigawd! What a totally wonderfully written random post about your randomness. :) We are eerily a like. *wringing hands* I think this warrants a trip to St. Louis with some of my knitter homies soon so's I can meet you!

SiressYorkie said...

Speaking of silly human tricks...I can put my ankles behind my ears, recite the entire script of "The Princess Bride" and "The Holy Grail", and bend my thumbs back so they touch my wrist. Why, I have no idea. There must be some visceral need to do so programmed in my mutated DNA. Maybe I had a cavewoman ancestor who was a Carnie.

Bezzie said...

I won't lie the fact that Dr. MS was a "B" last namer and I wouldn't have to change my initials was a huge plus. And he was a "Be----" and I was a "Bu----" so I even got to marry up in the alphabet a bit!

Poops said...

My best friend Bob thinks my married name sounds like a porn name. He's not wrong, but it's not why I married DH. It was his penis.

Kidding. I'm kidding.

It was his tongue.

I'm just gonna go now...

Batty said...

You always crack me up. Thank you for the 7 deadly sins, they are particularly funny on a Friday morning, don't know why.

I think everybody has at least one college roommate they hate. It's part of the experience.

bradyphrenia said...

i very much enjoyed reading your random things. now *that* is the way to do a meme. thanks.

ZantiMissKnit said...

Poops tagged me too but I haven't gotten around to it yet.


I was going to include a video of me putting my fist into my mouth, but now it looks like I'm copying you!

Ferris Family said...

I miss hearing the randomness first hand, I guess reading it will have to do! I hope you are loving your summer with the 3 kids. I know, mine is going to DRAG with these 3 boys.

JRS said...

Yes, I couldn't agree more about Johnny Depp.

So does that mean you're leaving JT for me?!

Alisha said...

Love the post....thanks for the bonus randomness!!!

Ed said...

Pride, great.
And the gift that keeps on not giving. lol.

Kevin said...

Hmm, how's this for random? My nickname in high school was Lurch. Wanna know why? ASK!