Friday, July 21, 2006

My baby's a whore!!!

We have discovered that my little Pie will do darn near anything if you pay him enough.

In fact, he's been known to ask "how much will you pay me if I... (fill in whatever you want)" several times a day. Here's a conversation we've had more than once:

Hey Mom, want me to bring in the mail?
Well, sure, buddy, that'd be nice...
How much will you pay me?
Nothing.
Never mind.

I fast-forward in my head to Mr. Pie in a fraternity house surrounded by a bunch of drunk guys daring him to light a fart for five bucks. And Pie'll hold out for more money before he does it. Like that Ogre guy in Revenge of the Nerds. Only he'll be a Nerd so I guess that would make him more like Booger.

I'm conflicted. On the one hand, I applaud his outside-the-box entrepreneurial spirit, and yet, I'm a little bit nervous that this boy has no shame. No limits. No dignity.

Yesterday, R, my parents and I took the Apes to Cici's Pizza for lunch. Dad was thrilled that you can ask for any kind of pizza you want, so he asked them to make him an anchovy pizza. I think he thought they were going to tell him no, but sure enough, they whipped Dad up an anchovy pizza. Yick.

Dad's eaten anchovy pizza, whenever he could get one, all my life. I think they are icky, foul, smelly little slugs with whiskers and you couldn't pay me to touch one, let alone eat one.

So I told Ry I'd give him a dollar to take a bite of PopPop's pizza.

My dad upped the ante: "Ry, I'll give ya FIVE dollars if you take a bite!"

R laid out the stakes: "Hear that, Ry? You can have six bucks just for eating a bite of PopPop's pizza!"

And Ry said -

"I want seven."

Deal.

I've never been so happy to have had a camera with me.



Initial Reaction


Still Chewing


Washing it Down


The Money Shot


Making Sure it's All There


Mama's so proud of her little ho!

14 comments:

Poops said...

Well, he could wind up like Booger.

Or Bill Gates.

After all, there's a fine line between 'whore' and 'entrepreneur'.

Penny Karma said...

I wonder if Bill Gates ever lit a fart in college...

Jennifer said...

As long as he is selective in his bargaining he'll be fine. I hope he never takes money for something like playing chicken with an oncoming locomotive or something.

So what was his ultimate verdict on the pizza?

Penny Karma said...

Oh! I left that out!

He said "I liked it, but it tasted kind of bad."

turtlegirl76 said...

Heh. That's funny. But imagine where this little trait of his can get you? A clean living room? An empty dishwasher? Garbage taken out? Lawn mowed? Car washed? Sure, it's all for a price, but ya start low enough, it'll still be a bargain.

But yeah, when he's out with his teenage buddies in a few years, he could be negotiating a price on chugging a glass of mopwater. (The going rate was $2 at 4-H camp back in '92)

cpurl17 said...

If he ends up with Bill Gates type money, let him fart away!!

JRS said...

Smart kid! Maybe he'll become another Takeru Kobayashi. That guy can eat anything for money.

You have power! I was wondering. You've had to deal with no electricity enough already this year.

Penny Karma said...

I think I'm familiar with Mr. Kobayashi's work. I love Nathan's hot dogs, but 50 in 10 minutes, well, that's just wrong.

Bezzie said...

Damn! Boy drives a hard bargain! $7!

'Cept Tito's face in the first picture looks like he snuck a bite too!

veritas said...

excellent! well trained, my dear.

ben said...

that kid might have a career ahead of him
by the time hes in his mid 20s
steve o and bam margera will be too old and retired
and then he can take over
if he will eat fish pizza
he might staple his anatomy for money
eeew!
lol

LadyLungDoc said...

About time that your kids started earning their keep!

Zonda said...

Too funny!! Love your play by play!! hehe

buttercup said...

Hey - with the price of Pokemon cards now-a-days... He's gonna need the cash.

Great play by play! Love it!