World Cup 101 - Embrace your inner hooligan!

Today, The US World Cup Soccer Team plays The Czech Republic.

(UPDATE: USA lost to Czech Republic 3 - 0.)

Prior to the last World Cup four years ago, I emailed Bob, a friend of mine who I used to work with and one of the absolute funniest people I've ever met, to explain exactly what the deal is with World Cup Soccer.

I want to enjoy World Cup Soccer. I really do. Perhaps it's my inner hooligan wanting to breathe free. Embrace your inner hooligan! That should be a bumper sticker, dontcha think?

I'm intrigued by how the rest of the world is so much more into it than Americans are. Do we not understand it? Do we not care? I kinda think that it's the same reason why we haven't fully converted to the Metric System that the rest of the world uses. We're lazy. We want the rest of the world to adapt to us so we won't have to change. We're busy sitting shirtless on aluminum bleachers in 100 degree heat watching cars drive around in circles 500 times. (That's no slam on NASCAR - for the record, I'd love for someone to explain the appeal of NASCAR to me too.)

*** Disclaimer: Not all Americans are this way, of course. The fact that you're reading this blog by your own free will (I'm assuming) and not just following the results of your search for Trashcan Jenga Strategy (or, more commonly and for reasons I fail to comprehend, self suck porn) is testament to the fact that you, dear reader, are of Above Average Intelligence. At least you are in my opinion. Congratulations. ***

Think I'm wrong? Watch The Amazing Race sometime and watch how the Geniuses representing our fine country expect the people they encounter in the middle of the farthest corner of the freakin desert to speak English. And my favorite scenario is when the innocent local person clearly doesn't understand whatever the Americans are trying to say, the Americans will say THE EXACT SAME WORDS ONLY LOUDER, their assumption, of course, being that perhaps OomFooFoo didn't hear us clearly the first time. No wonder the rest of the world hates us.


But anyway, here's what my friend Bob said about World Cup Soccer. I can't find the original questions that I asked because Hotmail deletes them after 30 days, but I think there's enough information there to get an idea of what I was trying to find out.



Dear Sarah,

You ask too many questions. But I have to congratulate you -- many Americans are not open-minded enough to appreciate the game of soccer (unless it's played by their own 6-year-old.)

Well, here goes. I'll give it a try.

1) It is a simple game, but once you begin to understand it, the most fascinating in its subtleties.

2) The amount of stoppage time, or extra time, is based on how many stoppages in play there have been. Typically, the referee adds roughly one minute for each injury and 30 seconds for each goal. But that's entirely at his discretion. I've seen as many as 7 minutes, as few as zero. The usual is about 3 minutes.

3) There's a fourth official that holds up an electronic board with the amount of stoppage time -- but only at the end of the full 90 minutes. The referee is the official timekeeper though, so the way the sideline official knows is by a hand signal from the referee just prior to the end.

4) There's a stadium clock that shows the amount of time played, but it's not the official time. Only the referee knows the official time, and the rest of us have to guess just exactly when the game will end. Will our team have enough time for one final attack? We can only hope.

5) World Cup pairings are decided about six months ahead of the tournament, at a drawing that follows the qualifying rounds. About 200 countries try to qualify, and it takes about two years to reach the final 32. Many of the best games are actually played in the qualifying rounds.

6) The top teams are seeded 1-8, then placed in the eight separate groups (kinda like NCAA basketball). Then the next eight are seeded, and allotted to those same eight groups. Finally, all the rest are drawn and placed in their groups as unseeded teams. The seedings are based on a team's record in qualifying, and also how well they've done in past World Cups.

7) Games always last 90 minutes, or two TV hours. You can set your clock on it. That's one reason I like soccer. Football games last 3 1/2 hours, baseball 3, playoff hockey and basketball at least 3 hours. But with soccer, you can watch a game and still have a big chunk of the day to do other things. The only time a soccer game might last longer (since ties are allowed) is in a tournament when one team must be eliminated. Then they add 30 minutes of overtime, then penalty kicks if necessary.

8) Most players do play the whole game, as only three substitutions are allowed. If you've used up your substitutions and lose a player to injury, you must play a man short.

9) David Beckham is indeed married to the beautiful Victoria Adams, aka Posh Spice, at victoriaadams.com (I think).

10) FIFA actually allows the size of the field to vary a bit, from 110-120 yards in length to 70-80 yards in width. (I think that's to allow for the older stadiums around the world.) New fields are about 115 x 75, but Soccer Park in Fenton is only about 105 x 65, if that, so games feel very cramped there.

11) You may find Senegal not on a map, but shock of shocks, in the second round of the World Cup playing Sweden.


So, there ya go, kids. All clear now?

Everybody watch the US team today - I don't have cable and won't be able to see it.

C'mon, now, lemme hear it!

U - S - A!
U - S - A!
U - S - A!