Saturday, June 10, 2006

Remember My Friend Maddie?

Click on the Link in the Cliff's Notes of Brilliance section of the Sidebar if you don't. I'll wait.

Can't find it? Click here.

Back? Ok. Maddie's birthday is next week. I can't decide whether or not to send a card. I'm thinking a call might not be a good idea. I just really don't know what I'd say. I'm afraid I'd be unable to restrain myself and blurt out something like -

"Oh hi, I just called to say Happy Birthday, you childish, petty,
passive-agressive, spineless bitch."

With a card, I can at least figure out what I want to say first, plus, she wouldn't be able to interrupt or rebutt me. The proverbial ball would be in her court, which it is at this point anyway, I guess.

And if I do send a card, how do I fight the urge to be catty in it? I thought maybe I'd say -

"Happy Birthday - of course I'm assuming you're still alive."

or perhaps -

"You're another year older, now will you grow the fuck up already?"

or maybe just sign my name and nothing else.

I also thought about sending some sort of scathingly snarky gift, like a gift certificate to Weight Watchers. I can't help it. When I feel I've been wronged, my claws come out. The primal urge to speak poniards and leave mankind twitching in the frothy wake of my bitchery just comes naturally. It's a reflex.

And, when selecting the card, do I go for something funny? Something over-the-top cheesy about friends? Do I even say anything to the effect of -

"Hey, just thought I should apologize...AGAIN...for whatever you won't tell me I did, six months ago."

or I guess I could just say Happy Birthday. What to do?

I kinda think I've apologized more than enough since she wouldn't even tell me exactly what the hell I'm apologizing for, but maybe one more bite of crow wouldn't kill me. I'm still bitter about the way she handled the whole thing. How can she be pissed about the fact that I didn't figure out by her too-subtle clues that anything was wrong? I'm not even sure she still lives at her last known address. I could probably send it to her parents' house; their address wouldn't be hard to find.

I'm all about the moral high road.
But only when it's convenient for me.


jackt said...

I can't find the link on the sidebar, but I do know what you are talking about. I hate it when people get mad at you and don't tell you: 1) wny and 2) how to fix it. At some point I guess you just have to decide you don't have time for such shenanigans.

Jennifer said...

I'd just send a card, sign it and call it a day. People like that are annoying.

The Fluffy Ewe said...

I'd do as Jennifer said, just sign your name and be done with it. IMO, you have given her PLENTY of opportunity to tell you what was bothering her and you also said that you are sorry for whatever was said to upset her. If she cannot accept that your sis' wedding was a harried event for you and you were not your typical self, then I say cut your losses and move on if your b-day card doesn't behoove her to call you or email you. Sometimes some friends are worth letting go. I had a friend like that who would get angry if I spent time with someone other than her. She actually got po'd at me becasue I was going to Alabama with a guy I met 5 mos previously (now my DH) and came back engaged. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. I told her about the engagement and she got angry, I mean angry, and told me it would never last. Her finacee ended up dumping her 8 wks before their wedding. Serves her. Anyway! Sign your name, mail it and don't think about it anymore. She'll have 2 balls in her court then. :) HTH!

cpurl17 said...

I vote for send a nice, short card.
At this point, you've done what you could and if she doesn't want to salvage the friendship, maybe it's time to do some weedin' in the old friendship garden.

Bezzie said...

I say screw the card. She wouldn't send you a card on your birthday. Write her off. You've done your part in apologizing. Sometimes you just have to break up with friends (I've been watching the Today show all week and they went over this topic).

Maybe in 10 years she'll pull her head out of her ass.

Penny Karma said...

She actually did send me an email on my birthday, which allowed me to continue thinking that nothing was wrong with our relationship.

Wouldn't that have been an ideal time to either send a message by not saying Happy Birthday or say "Hey, Bitch, I know it's your birthday but you really pissed me off a few weeks ago and I wanted to talk to you about it..."?

I bought the card. It has Winnie the Pooh and Piglet on it. I kept reading cheesy "Best girlfriend" cards and as I did, smartassed ways to deface them would enter my head.

It's hard being he better person. You'd think I'd be used to it by now.

turtlegirl76 said...

Ok, that last line of that comment made me spit coffee on the computer screen. You crack me up.

I'm glad you're sending the card. I think in the long run, it'll make you feel better knowing you've done all you could to keep up your end of the friendship bargain. Now, you can officially say "screw it, I tried"

buttercup said...

I was voting on the side of "do nothing - forget about her" but the fact that she sent you a "happy birthday" e-mail, well, she was reaching, however small and lame.

This is what I think, don't send the card, send an e-mail. She didn't spend money on a card or stamp, and you shouldn't either. I know it's not much $ but that's part of my point too. She couldn't even be bothered to make the effort.

I think you should go onto Hallmark or American Greetings sites and send her a free e-card. You make more effort than she did and you can save the card for someone who deserves it.

buttercup said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
LadyLungDoc said...

Write inside the card something to the effect of "I don't understand what happened between us, and I will miss having you as a friend".

Then, get on with your life. Eat chocolate. Drink Tequila. Buy nice yarn. (not necessarily in that order)

Anonymous said...

Here's what I think:
1. Maddie must be REALLY FAT if you want to send her W Watchers coupons so she's probably really jealous that you've lost weight.

2. REALLY FAT girls like Maddie can't get married so she's probably really jealous that your sister got married and she probably never will (unless she takes that fat ass to weight watchers).

3. Maddie is probably a lonely person without friends. She probably wishes that she had as much fun in her life as you do.


Penny Karma said...

DANG! Is that what I sound like?