A Sad Day.

Happy Cinquo De Mayo (and a belated Happy B'day to KOFA Kev)!

While the rest of you are drinking Corona and Margaritas, I'll be mourning the loss of one of my favorite forms of entertainment:


Dear LoveHappens member,

After much consideration we have decided to end the LoveHappens service. You may continue to use LoveHappens until May 31, 2008.

After May 31, 2008 you will no longer have access to LoveHappens.

We hope you enjoyed using LoveHappens as much as we enjoyed making it for you and we wish you love and success in the future.

The LoveHappens Team

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

LoveHappens was my primary source of Wookin Pa Nub Wednesday fodder. What's Wookin Pa Nub Wednesday, you ask? (insert nostalgic sigh) Well, it's something silly I used to do on my blog just to give myself and my readers a little giggle.

I'd search the personals for people with strange or unusual pictures or descriptions of themselves on their profiles, and then I'd thank the good lord that I was officially out of any dating pool that these folks are swimming in. Yes, it's totally bitchy; I've been told that more than once. But somehow, it always made me feel like a goddess.

I haven't done it for a really long time, though. No real reason why. I mean, it's a labor of love and I thoroughly enjoyed putting it together whenever I did it. I started doing it when I was still kinda trying to find the voice of my blog and back then I had a different topic for each day of the week, just to see which one felt the most natural for me to talk about. I'd talk about TV, Blogstalking assignments (another wagon I've fallen off of), and I forget what my other regular topics were, but WPN Wednesday was by far the most popular and the most fun.

I think what happened was that I didn't want to wait until the designated day to talk about something, and then I'd forget by the time the day came around. I was trying to help myself focus and give myself ideas for what to blog about on days that weren't particularly blogworthy, and instead I limited myself. I like my blog the way it is now, when I can just vent about pretty much whatever I'm dealing with. And I'm glad you guys read it.

Right now what I'm dealing with is a gnawing sense of guilt. I feel partly responsible for the untimely demise of LoveHappens through my neglect. I should have kept doing WPN Wednesdays. Perhaps I could have singlehandedly saved it.

So, kids, to clear my conscience, here is a big fat dose of WPN. I didn't want to wait until Wednesday. Ready? I might be a little rusty, but here we go.


Ok, the first two go out to the knitters. The knitters I know would know better than this, but if you're a new knitter and you're really excited to make something, please, please, please, don't make a Fun Fur Scarf. For anyone. Especially not a guy.



I choose to assume that the knitter that created this intended it for someone other than him and that HE is the dork who decided to put it on, but then again if you're making Fun Fur scarves in the first place, there's no telling.











Now, if you wanna knit THIS guy a scarf to keep his neck warm, bear in mind that it's gonna take you a long, long time.













This guy's got almost as much cleavage goin' on as I do. ALMOST.









Oh, if this isn't a Sexual Harrassment lawsuit just waiting to happen...

















The thought that some creepy perv's nekkid ass has been sitting on it is EXACTLY why I'll never buy a sofa off of Craigslist. Gih!!



And for the guys:


Now, why can't Glamour Shots find THIS nice girl...
























Instead of this one.









Or this one.


























The cousins got together and came up with a perfect plan to take Grandma off their hands... a personal ad. She'll either fall madly in love or she'll meet a psycho killer; either way, they won't have to take her ass to Bingo anymore.










Check out her rack... on the wall. Yes, guys, she's got a camoflage bikini and I'm pretty sure she's licking that gun.













She kinda looks like somebody with a mouth full of chocolate pudding sneezed on her. And don't miss the Andy Rooney eyebrows. Honey, one word. TURTLENECK.









Yeah, I'm gonna miss LoveHappens. (sniffle)

GIMME A W! GIMME A P! GIMME AN N!

Before we begin, I would just like to remind everyone that these are ACTUAL profile photos from an ACTUAL dating website. These are the photos that these women have consciously selected to be the world's first impression of them. Keep that in mind as I present...

THE WPN WEDNESDAY CHEERLEADERS!!
WOOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!



WE GOT SPIRIT, YES WE DO!!!























WE GOT SPIRIT, HOW 'BOUT YOU???!



















OUR TEAM IS WHAT?
RED HOT!
OUR TEAM IS WHAT?
RED HOT!


















SPELL IT OUT NOW -
R-E-D, RED, H-O-T...

















RED HOT!
RED HOT!
RED HOT!!






Mercifully, I talked them out of doing a Pyramid. You're welcome.


Here's the JV squad:








Doesn't she look like she's saying "I'll give you kids a dollar to get offa my property!!" ?


















She says she's honest to a fault. Do ya think she's been honest with herself? This ensemble is obviously somebody's fault.

Can I be honest with you, Vicki? You look like an escaped mental patient in the Disney Characters T-shirt, as does anyone over the age of ten, in my anything-but-humble opinion.

I can't think of anything less sexy than Disney, except maybe Looney Toons, or worse, BABY Looney Toons. GIH!








Y'know, I always thought there was sexual tension between Agent Starling and Hannibal Lecter.

Have the lambs stopped screaming, Clariiiiice?

The Return of WPN Wednesdays!

It's been a while since last we Wooked, no? I'm going to try to ease back into it.

Today will be the first of a two-part Wookin Pa Nub Wednesday. Tomorrow will feature some lovely ladies who are totally amped up for their appearance on my almost famous blog! They're so excited, they can't even stand it. But they will have to wait, and so will you.


GOD, I had almost forgotten how much fun this shit is.





I'd be willing to bet that this guy's mom has busted him with his dog and a jar of peanut butter more than once.


ETA: Double click on the pic... what's that pink thing at the bottom?







"The local police department has issued a photo of the suspect, who is believed to be armed and dangerous. Do not attempt to apprehend this individual. Call 911, and gouge your eyes out immediately."









And here's a nice, normal looking guy with a kinda cute smile...







till we zoom out.






































How thoroughly disturbing.








As if this guy's pic wasn't enough to creep you out, get this... his user name is like2lickurkitty.

('Scuse me a second... BLEHHHWRFFMMMUWWAAH.
{gargling mouthwash}
Sorry.)

I almost wonder if he doesn't mean it in the literal sense, as in, he wants to lick an actual cat. He looks like he might be the sort.







Ok, enough warm-up.

Icky Naked Guys!




He lists tattoos and piercings among his turn-offs. Yeeeah, well, that pretty much eliminates me. Thank GOD.









I had to do a double-take. This guy looks like my neighbor.















And this guy looks like my assistant principal from high school.
















And he looks a lot like, well, whoooo could it be... hmmmmm... I dunno, maybe, Satan????

Didja like that? That was my Church Lady voice.












And, finally, what would a Wookin Pa Nub Icky Naked Guy post be without...

MAN BOOBS!!!



ETA: Check it out - one nipple!












I'm BAAAAAACK!! (insert opening riff of AC/DC's BACK IN BLACK)

Add a video to your site Webratsmusic.com

Twelve Days Of Wookin!

Ok, kiddos, I've been slacking recently. So, to make it up to you, it's time for a Holiday Sing-Along! Ready? Here we go!

On the Twelfth Day Of Wookin, Your friend Penny gave to you...

TWELVE SEXY TRANZIES!



Look at him, trying to be all dainty n' shit.

















I dunno what's goin' on here.













I think she goes by the name Miss Shapen.












Major kudos for tuckin' yer schlong in those vinyl pants, dude.


















This one reminded me of the dude who played Mozart in Amadeus.














When I see pictures like this, I can't help but wonder about the person behind the camera.
















Pee Wee Herman?















I wish I could figure out the setting in this picture.
















I KNEW IT! Liza Minelli's a MAN!

















Now, she's kinda cute, other than the nails.











Yick.












She almost had me fooled until I got to the lipstick.


Day Eleven is tomorrow! Yes, I know I'm doing it backwards.

Today's WPN Theme - Bad Hair Day!

Ok, I'm going to be out of town next week so I hope this batch holds you until then.

How about this idea - I'll invite everyone to nominate their favorite past WPN pic and next week I'll post the winners in a WPN Hall of Shame. I'm gonna go ahead and cast my vote for the Blue Footed Booby girl.

All right, here's this week's crop. And the theme is BAD HAIR DAY.



This guy's username is dream_maker4u.

As long as your dream isn't of him getting a haircut.
















Is this like a bald-guy Mohawk?













With all due respect, sir, I don't care what kind of uniform you're wearing, it's impossible to be a skull-crackin' badass when you're a guy with side-swept bangs.

It's pretty much the polar opposite of badass.












Not just bald, but pasty and bald.













Leathery-faced bouffant guy with earrings!

Yay! Santa got my letter!



















At first I thought he was wearing a vest.


















Ok, you're on the right track, dude - a semi-thick mustache will help you look more badass, but the shiny hairpiece is rather detrimental to the overall effect.













I'm at a loss here. Other than just a resounding "Eeeeewww..."












I can't stop wondering what this dude does for a living.

With the swoopy hair, the lazy eye, and odd wardrobe selection of the jacket over the polo shirt, my guess would be something in radio.
Or shoe sales.

No offense, shoe salespeople.
Or radio people.









Jimmy Buffett apparently got Wilford Brimley's experimental medical supplies in the mail by mistake causing some freaky mitosis shit that scientists are still trying to explain. Meanwhile, this dude makes me think of a gay Captain Kangaroo.

I should probably thank my parents for the years of quality education they funded - all so I could whip out the word "mitosis" (flanked, of course, by the vernacular gems from the opposite end of the diglossic spectrum, "freaky" and "shit") on my silly little blog. Deep down, I know they're proud.







Hey, who let Billy Bob SlingBlade in the Server Room??? SECURITY!!!














And now, the ladies -





Y'know when you kinda hope for their sake that it's a reeeeally old picture? Yeah.















I'll be darned. Women can do the combover too! And it looks just as horrible!














Dammit, Gramma, get off the webcam! You're grossing people out!















This chick's hair is the LEAST of her issues.










I think this lady is this guy's mom.
Remember him, from the October 11th edition?






















The traditional Glamour Shots pose doesn't work in the Glamour Shots photos, let alone when you're just hanging out in your white overalls.

And the black eyeliner doesn't make you look glamourous either. It just makes you look icky. And sad.
And scary.





I know there's a lot of peer pressure out there, but please, kids, I can't stress this enough. There are many dangers of abusing alcohol and other drugs you might not have thought of.

Don't ever cut your own bangs when you're drunk. And don't get so drunk that you pass out and let other people cut your bangs.

Alcohol and haircutting utensils are a very hazardous combination. Don't let THIS happen to you. Just say NO.