Monday, July 28, 2008


I think I've settled on a name that will represent the Penny I like being - the real, everyday me.

Penny Fantastic. Only not pronounced Fan-tas-tic. You have to say it like this, syllable by sillyble:

Lower your chin just a bit, bite your bottom lip all sexy-like, close your eyes, and whisper Fahhhhhn in your best Salma Hayek / Antonio Banderas voice.

When you get to the Tast part (only pronouced more like DUST), raise your chin quickly and shake your head just enough to create the effect of the wind in your hair.

And on the final syllable, Teek, open your eyes and smile warmly. Add a contented sigh, if you are so inclined. Or lick your lips; that's fun, too.

Practice it in front of the mirror. I did.

I still love the moniker Penny McBadass, and she'll make periodic appearances, I'm sure. I'd love to unleash Penny McBadass on the Church Nazi, for example. I watched One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest (which'll make you feel pretty good about your life and snap you into sanity pretty quickly, let me just say) over the weekend, and dude, Church Nazi is FULL ON Miss Ratched. Down to the hairdo.

Beebie's party was an overwhelming success, I was so relieved. I didn't think I needed to tell you that I'd lost sleep worrying about it the night before. Anyone who knows me would assume that. And anyone who's been to one of my parties knows I really had nothing to worry about - I'm a great party planner. The girls had so much fun. R did a great job getting them to the Old Courthouse, the New Cathedral, Union Station, the Aloe Fountain, and Ted Drewes to find clues that would help them find the treasure. They even got to take the Metrolink, which they loved. West County kids don't always get to experience Public Transportation.

It was a long day, too. The girls arrived at 1, got back to the house for Imo's Pizza (a St. Louis tradition), and didn't leave until almost 8. At about 8:30, RVW came over, straight from a 14-hour drive from the Canadian border. He helped us finish off the pizza and had some of our awesome cheap beer. I explained to Rip my relationship with the Hamm (and apologized for being a shitty hostess and not engaging in deep, philosophical conversation) and informed him that at 9 we would be watching Mad Men. And we did. Good times. Missed ya, Rip.

I've enjoyed my first day of cable, kinda. I discovered a show called HURL! which Pie and I watched together. Five contestants eat as much of some designated food (this time it was Cream of Spinach soup) as they can and then they get on some Carnival ride and try not to Hurl while the crowd below cheers them on and tries to avoid the barf raining from the sky. The winner ate 3.7 pounds of soup, rode the Flamethrower without Hurling, then ate another couple of pounds of Organic Tuna Casserole (not sure what the Organic part had to do with anything, but they pointed it out). Major creativity props to whatever high school kids came up with the concept for that show.

I was hoping that there would be lots more choices available to me when I inevitably woke up at about 3am. And there really wasn't. I flipped through all 8000 channels for about twenty minutes and finally decided to watch the last few minutes of The Brady Bunch. It was one of the later episodes, when Bobby and Cindy were in awkward phases of puberty and Jan had those two dipshit curls on the sides of her head in addition to her long blonde hair.

The kids are LOVING cable. And they didn't come in and wake me up this morning like they usually do. That's worth the money, right there.


Rip said...

So I come rumbling into town and get greeted by the entire McBadass Mileu. Hugs, high 5's, low 5's, sideways 5's, change for a ten's, you name it. Thanks for the warm welcome home, Penny and brood!

You'll get used to having satellite TV pretty quick. It's funny, I actually don't have cable or Satellite, but like watching stuff every once in a while. Love things like History and Discovery channel. Mad Men was engaging, helped by your "she had his baby, he's gay, THAT'S HIM! Oh, god!" commentary.

Missed you, too, Penster. In between waterskiiing, tubing, hiking, drinking, lounging, laughing, bonding with my daughter, swatting at bugs, and generally having an awesome time. Other than that, it sucked cuz you weren't there. Maybe sometime the whole McBadass Gaggle can go up there wid me. Eh?

BTW, if you have never gone swimming in Lake Superior, definitely put that one on your "bucket list." Do it with a friend or child and it will, I absolutely GUARANTEE YOU, be a memory that will last a lifetime.

Kevin C said...

Dipshit curls? What, you have a thing against curls now?

Penny Karma said...

Come on, Jan's two little curls are utterly dipshit.

Yours are most emphatically Non-Dipshit.

Kashmir Knitter said...

You are making that up! Please don't let it be true that there's a show called "Hurl". I just lost all faith in America as a nation.

Do you have On Demand or a DVR? TV at 3 am is much more awesome with On Demand or DVR. You can save up shows R doesn't like and watch them in the middle of the night. You know all the stuff you'd never cop to during daylight hours is totally acceptable. Like HSN or Tila Tequila or Japanese Game Shows (DUDE! MXC on Spike TV is the most awesome thing ever).