Saturday, July 12, 2008

Emergency Retail Therapy

I want to thank everyone for the empathy and encouragement recently. And thank you especially for not doing one of those disgusting cheesy cheerleader "Turn That Frown Upside Down, Charlie Brown!" ridiculous bullshit. Sure, you can outthink your depression. SURE ya can. Right.

I deal with my depression in my own way. First, if I'm sad, sometimes it helps me to find something in the situation that I can be angry about instead. Yes, it's completely unproductive and it resolves absolutely nothing, but isn't it waaaay more fun to be pissed off than sad? It is for me.

Oh, there's a part of me that relishes being pissed off. Why? Cuz It's ON. I go into Penny Scorned mode. She's way more powerful Penny Dark. She can kick Penny Dark's ASS. I dig deep and find inner strength I didn't know I had. And I get eloquent and creative. It may manifest itself as a poem or as some poetically spiteful act of vengeance. Stay on my good side. I'm serious.

But in this case, I can't be pissed. FS-H didn't do anything wrong, really. Hurtful, yes, indescribably painful, but not wrong. It was right. I don't disagree. And I'd like to be pissed so I can be something other than sad, but I can't be pissed, so now I'm just frustrated as fuck. And that's worse than sad.

My other means of dealing with depression (in a short-term sense, which sometimes is enough) is through small amounts of Retail Therapy. I'd never go out and drop a hundred bucks or anything, because what's more depressing than getting the Bounced Check notice in the mail and realizing you have no money? No, I indulge maybe $5 in a lip gloss, and pretty soon, I feel better. And apparently I do it quite often because my Tito has caught onto it.

Here's what he said about me on Mother's Day.

So I was in need of a lil RT, and it somehow occurred to me that I probably have enough lip glosses. And instead of a lip gloss, I thought I'd get something new to keep my lip glosses in. Like perhaps, a cool purse! I was getting kinda sick of the one I'd been carrying. It was too big.

I go back and forth between a too-big purse and one that's not really big enough. This has gone on constantly for the last eleven years, roughly since I started having to carry baby paraphernalia with me, like Ziploc bags with Cheerios and wipes and an emergency extra onesie at all times.

Anyway, I dumped my old purse out to transfer everything into my righteous new hemp purse I got at Whole Foods Market.

Would you like to guess how many lip glosses I had in my old purse?

Go on, guess.

SEVENTEEN. Count 'em.

And that's just in my PURSE. I have more in my bathroom, next to the bed, on my dresser. I had no idea I had so many.

I do have some Hella Sexy lips, and of course I do love to draw undue attention to them as well as my other top features, but I didn't realize I was the Imelda Marcos of lip gloss. I'm sure there's some glaring psychological implication.

Speaking of psychological implications, I'm starting back on the meds today. Stay tuned.

Grandma passed peacefully this morning. I'm glad my mom could be there with her brothers and sister. Thanks to everybody who offered to road-trip it to Ohio with me so I could be there, but I'm really okay. Yes, I'm the Ultimate Road Trip Companion, and you'd get to meet my awesome family as a bonus, but I'd rather plan something fun, not Road Trip Funeral. Under other circumstances, though, I'd love to.

Maybe I'll write a book and go on tour. Pimp out the Odyssexy like the Madden Bus with a hot tub and a knitting nook for my groupies. And plenty of room for my lip gloss!


Trillian42 said...

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, but it sounds like you are really ok with it. Still, (((hugs)))

And re: lip gloss? I'm pretty sure you've got nothing on me, babe. I've only got 15 in my purse right now, but you should SEE the collection in the makeup drawer. It's a bit of a sickness, really.

And anytime you want to road trip up to the DC area, you've got a place to stay. And I've got all the yarn stores programmed into my GPS. :D

Penny Karma said...

And can I just say, Pam - your lips always look fantastic.

Poops said...

Me, I can never find so much as a chapstick when I need one. Such is my life.

Why didn't you show a picture of the new purse. I waited, scrolled, and...nothing.

I like purses. I have three in rotation right now, plus a diaper bag. It's no wonder I can never find my shit. I have to figure out which bag it's in.

turtlegirl76 said...

I can never seem to find my lip gloss when I need to. I go through periods when I have 7 or 8 in my purse then I put it all back into the bowl in the bathroom and then I'm stuck. Bleh. I envy the 17 in the purse. You never go with dry lips ever!

Sorry to hear about your Grandma. Glad to hear she was surrounded by her children though.

Anonymous said...

I would like to apply for security detail on your book tour as I am sure you are going to wreak havoc at every stop you make...


shiguy4076 said...

I love the fact taht you had 17 lip glosses in your purse. That's awesome.

I'm totally a RT girl when I'm depressed only I will over spend so good for you on your self control.

I'm sorry to hear that your grandma has passed. I'm so gald it was peaceful. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Jo said...

Sarah, I am glad your grandmother went peacefully and is at rest - and I am sorry for your loss.

As for lip glosses - I am not sure if I have 17, but I have 3-4 purses (little backpacks, really - I'm not a purse girl) and each of those have 2-3 different lip glosses in them. Really, it is the only make up I wear.

Rip Van Winkle said...

Your grandma musta been hella proud of you and your ability to roll through life with such a remarkable spirit and outlook, Penny. May she rest in peace, and may your family be at peace with her passing. The best thing we can do for those who pass before us is live our lives fully, and without regrets. I hope you got a chance to talk to her sometime before she died. I was able to talk to my dad before he died, and we had a marvelous conversation that still reverberates with me today, 7 years hence.

Re: Lipglossaholism: Any good flavors? Or are they just for "show" and suppleizing your lips? I mean, if you like the TASTE, too, then, well, don't we all have some obsessions like that? I'd like to put your obsession with lip gloss ($5 each or less, give or take, right?) into perspective for you. Once, several years ago, I "redid" the closet in the master bedroom that was occupied by my now-ex's wardrobe (hence my closet was in the hall, but I digress...). Well, in order to redo it, I had to remove everything from the closet, which was a decent sized walk-in. On a whim, as I was removing shoes, I decided to count the pairs, ala Imelda. Just to see. The closet was empty when I got to 69. That doesn't count the pairs strewn throughout the house. To add insult to injury (given the fact that I owned, maybe, 5 pair myself, including things like softball cleats that I only wear like 4 times a year), the most troubling aspect was that of the 69 pair that emerged from the closet that day were at least 10 pair that HAD NEVER BEEN WORN. Why would you buy a pair of shoes and not wear them, for God's sake? And since the pricetags were still on the boxes, let me also add that we are not talking about $4 flip flops here. There was one pair of boots that was "marked down" to $140 (which, no doubt, made them a STEAL). I should add here that our financial situation, during the years it took to acquire said collection, did not support a shoeaholic illness. So, take heart in your low-cost Retail Therapy.

Plus, your habit fits in your purse! (Having seen the purse myself, I will say that it was one mighty fine purse, as purses go. Does that sound too gay? Eh, what the hell...)