Monday, February 25, 2008


Check out my sexy ass on the Red Carpet, bitches!

Yeah, I'm a party girl. Only I drank too much when I went out. And the bar we were at put fuckin NASCAR bullshit on instead of the Red Carpet! SERIOUSLY! Oh, I was pissed.

So we went home. And here's me when the Best Picture Oscar was awarded. Pic taken by the man who didn't cut me off after four beers in less than ninety minutes. No, no. Here, honey, have another...

Kudos to Pam for her sexy Red Carpet Photo:

Thank you for your declaration of undying love on your blog, too, by the way. If I ever get to go to the Oscars (y'know, when I eventually write the screenplay of the story of my life - and I swear to God I'll fuckin do it), you can totally be my date. I'll even let you decide if you want to be Ellen or Portia.

I was hoping for some Red Carpet Glam from Cool Kevin, but instead he sent this little banner he found. Scary, no?

And speaking of scary, next comes my Red Carpet Snark! Sadly, there were only a couple of dresses that I found truly disastrous. I was hoping for more.

I think the worst dress by far was Jennifer Hudson's.

I know a lot of people liked Cameron Diaz's dress, but I really didn't.

I respect Diablo Cody's boldness, but I'm not sure I was 100% on board with the amorphous animal print.

Is it me or does Renee Zellweger have a look of perpetual confusion?

And my opinion of Marion Cotillard's dress changed from different angles. It looks fantastic from a distance. And in profile. Full on, though, it's kinda weird. Maybe I'm just jealous that I can't wear a scaly form-fitting dress like that.

Jessica Alba is beautiful. Really. And I thought her dress was stunning, apart from the feathers (I'm just not a feathers person), but as a matter of principle, I think a pregnant woman needs to rethink the long train on her dress. I have this horrible vision of her tripping and landing on her belly and her baby squirting out into Gary Busey's arms.

Johnny looked ah-maaaaaaaay-zing.

Tilda Swinton, not so much.

And it just wouldn't be Red Carpet Snark if I didn't make fun of Hilary Swank's horsey teeth and her bizarre rigid posture.

Here are some of my favorite dresses:

Kelly Preston's was my favorite. And I like her hubby, Vinnie Barbarino, but he just gets puffier and puffier.

I loved Diane Lane's dress. I want to look like Diane Lane.

Or Laura Linney. She's beautiful too.

I liked Calista Flockhart's dress. And I think it's sweet that she takes her dad places.

I thought Jennifer Garner looked fantastic.

But the name of the game at my Online Oscar Par-tay is to guess as many right as you can. I had 22 entrants this year - a new record!

EDIT: And yes, Poops, there are eleven categories. Why? Because it's one BETTER than ten, isn't it? (name that movie!)
Ok, really, it's because I wanted to include both original and adapted screenplays. That's why.

R took the liberty of adding up everyone's correct answers. And let's just say Price Waterhouse Coopers, he AIN'T. And lemme tell y'all what else he ain't. He AIN'T gittin any for a while. My reputation as Online Oscar Party Hostess Extrordinaire is tainted.

THERE HAS BEEN AN ERROR. Minor, but an error.

It was originally announced that Chris and Nell won with 6 correct answers each. Poops had 7 correct when I re-read her emailed guesses, and she quite rightly objected. So then I went through and double-checked everyone's answers. Then I checked my husband's math. He had Poops down as having 5 correct. I added the tallies up again.

Chris and Nell still win, with 8 instead of 6 correct. And Pam also had 8 correct, so she wins too. Apparently R didn't scroll all the way to the top of the spreadsheet when he added. R won't be asked to participate again.

Anyway, Pam, Chris and Nell, please email me your info and I'll pop a sexy prize in the mail to you tout de suite. And Poops, I will have R send you a personal note of apology.

In case you missed it, here are the winners in the various categories we used in our little game:

Best Picture
No Country For Old Men

Best Actor
Daniel Day-Lewis

Best Actress
Marion Cotillard (If you haven't seen La Vie En Rose, you really should)

Best Supporting Actor
Javier Bardem (a gorgeous, gorgeous man)

Best Supporting Actress
Tilda Swinton

Best Director
Joel Coen and Ethan Coen

Best Costume Design
Elizabeth: The Golden Age

Best Original Song
Falling Slowly (From the ONCE soundtrack - toldja it was good!)

Best Foreign Language Film
The Counterfeiters

Best Adapted Screenplay
No Country For Old Men

Best Original Screenplay

Many thanks to all who played along!


Kevin said...

I thought Juno was fantastic, but I just didn't think it'd get recognition for it. Good to be surprised, I guess. And I was also sidetracked by people telling me how great this movie was that I'd never heard of (Michael Clayton), so I put in a couple votes for it. Oh well.

Poops said...


I'm not one to split hairs here, but there are 11 categories, not ten.

And I got 7 of them right.

I guess you didn't get my email...ah, well...

(I thought Helen Fucking Mirren looked lovely as well. What was Jen Hudson smuggling in the top of her dress? Looked like when I used to stuff with water balloons on Halloween. I'm just saying.)

Bezzie said...

Man, I suck.

But you did make me nearly choke reading that comment about Calista. Hee hee!

Trillian42 said...

Woohoo! I'm a winner!

And I was totally serious. I just adore you to pieces. Heaven help the world if we ever get to meet up in person... >:D

I agree with most of your dress opinions. I thought Marion Cotillard looked lovely, but the centers of the flowers? Kind of unfortunately placed, don't you think?

My fave dress of the night was totally Helen Mirren's. You can be Diane Lane. I want to be Helen Mirren. You know, eventually. :D

JRS said...

Great photo! Hilarious!

Didn't I get 7 correct too? I messed up the song, and supporting actress, and adapted screenplay, and foreign language film, but I got all the others right...didn't I?

JRS said...

Oops, I'm bad at math. Ignore my previous comment! 8 is more than 7, isn't it?!

buttercup said...

WOOHOO! I missed your original post so no complaints from me. You are still untainted as an Oscar Party Hostess. Watch out Elton John!!!

PM with snail mail addy coming to you shortly. I'm hoping it's some Simple Green... heh


Eryn said...

I have this horrible vision of her tripping and landing on her belly and her baby squirting out into Gary Busey's arms.

This has been seared into my mind's eye. Thank you very much. :P

Nell said...

WooHoo!!! Thanks!!!!

Ed said...

You know my feelings about the oscars and actors in general, so I'll say no more on the topic.

However the "before" and "after" shots of you have made my day. Such contrast!