Wednesday, February 06, 2008

More Caulk Talk!

The plumber we had out here recently left me quite dissatisfied, apart from the fact that he giggled at my dumb caulk joke. And as much as I appreciate a little dampness down below (c'mon, who doesn't?), it seems his anemic caulk job was apparently not enough to fix the leak in my basement.

So I had this great idea to greet the guy at the door in a robe and a martini glass - or better yet, two - and ask him why real life is never like Penthouse Letters.

Instead, I decided on wearing this shirt:



My logic, of course, was that if the man was gonna whip his caulk out, it would be really funny if I had a

(ahem)

Heart.

On.

Read it out loud if you didn't get it.

But as it turned out, the guy that showed up this time was a different guy than before, and, sadly, far less of a conversationalist. He ran the water in my bathtub and went downstairs and found nothing. Then he splashed the tile on the wall where the spout and the dial are, and - AHA! There's the problem.

There's not enough caulk surrounding my spout.

How many times have I heard that before? Ok, never.

Plumberman then proceeded to tell me that fixing the problem would be something that my handy husband could probably handle. I couldn't decide whether to go with "Well, actually, my husband's not into handling caulk, if I'm readin' ya right, but I'm sure he'd be flattered" or "Oh yes, my husband is QUITE talented with his caulk". So I just chuckled to myself and played it off like I was coughing. Damn straight my husband's caulk'll do the job!

R was delighted to hear that his caulk was more than enough to satisfy my dampness.

Later, as I was making beef stew - craving something meaty, I suppose - my adorable Pie walked into the kitchen... with his pants down. I knew he wanted me to act all shocked and freaked out, so instead I very calmly said,

Pie, please put yer Junk away.

Yes, I call it their Junk. I think it's hilarious, personally, to hear a little kid call his privates his Junk. I also think it would be funny to hear a little kid ask where his bitches were at, but perhaps that's a bit too edgy for school.

And Pie said,

Mom, it's called a Wiener. And YOU WILL RESPECT IT.

15 comments:

Eryn said...

*screams of laughter*

"You will respect it!"

I'm dying hwere!

cpurl17 said...

I hope Plumber 2 didn't charge you too much for some hard caulking.

Zonda said...

Oh Wow!! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree huh! Still laughing here...

Pajnstl said...

you do ONE more post like that and you will owe me a new keyboard! LOL Your kids are hilarious!

SiressYorkie said...

I believe it's pronounced "johnk"...

I do wonder what comes out of Max's mouth when he's at school, given the filth that pours out of mine on occasion. He once spent an entire birthday party marching round proudly saying, "F*cking hell! F*cking hell!" because someone had cut me off on the way over, and that's what I spouted.

BTW, I'd check out your caulking situation anytime you like.

Batty said...

The kid's hilarious, and I can tell where he gets it from. Your posts are always good for a round of rolling around laughing. Doesn't always go over well at work, but that's just because they don't know what they're missing.

Dame Wendy said...

"heart on"


Hee hee hee! Pie sounds like the coolest kid ever.

knitnthings said...

**A heart on ** I'm pissin my pants hahahaha. And I'll even admit I had to read it out loud - which made it that much funnier.

shiguy4076 said...

You just made my morning. You are hysterical. By the way I had to say it out loud. Oh my sides hurt.

buttercup said...

OMG! I love that your little apples didn't fall far from the tree. There is nothing funnier than a kid who spouts off the most unexpected smart ass comment.

So nice to see you're raising your kids right.

Ed said...

Reespec!

Kevin said...

Since I got "heart on" as soon as I read it, I've had time to wonder how exactly you made the mental leap from "caulk" to "heart on" when deciding what to wear.

I haven't come up with an answer yet.

BTW, my word verification is "ygmiehdl", which I'm pretty sure is a Semitic expletive.

sophanne said...

gotta respect the junk

ZantiMissKnit said...

Now I'm singing "Respectable Weiner" to the tune of "Detachable Penis". Thanks for the earworm.

Poops said...

Oh, Pie. I do respect the Weiner. How could you not?

I call Dave's meat and two veg his Junk too. It's just funny...