Victory is Mine!

I won the aforementioned eBay auction and am now the proud owner of a new, twin-sized set of Star Wars sheets - the only set I could find with Mace Windu on them. As much as I'd love to sleep with Ultimate Badass Samuel L. Jackson under me, alas, these sheets are for Ry. Mace is Ry's favorite Star Wars Character, and Ry is getting a Big Boy Bed for his Birthday. Every time he gets into his current toddler-sized bed, it creaks. So we figured it was time. Oh, and I also won a Vintage Star Wars bedspread. He's gonna FREAK.

And my 2006 Writer's Market came in the mail today. Righteous!!


Check me out, I made an Avatar.

You Know Your Day is Off to a Craptacular Start When...

You're looking for your keys and you find that you washed and dried your jeans with a Werther's Chewy Caramel in the pocket. Damn.

The day hasn't gone too badly, really. It's still early, though.

The Pie has a nemesis at school named Andrew. I don't know what the nature of the animosity is, but this kid is just really snotty to Ry. He told Ry he couldn't come to his birthday party unless Ry got a haircut. To a kid, that's like the ultimate insult. When you're four years old and you really want to hurt somebody's feelings, You can't come to my birthday party is the absolute meanest thing you can say.

So naturally, when we were planning P's party, he said he didn't want to invite Andrew. I didn't blame him, but I told him that we were inviting the whole class, so Andrew would be invited. P said "But Mom, Andrew is mean!", and for some reason it entered my head to say "Well, buddy, sometimes when people are mean, it's really because they're sad." I don't know what made me say that. Then Ry said "Mom, I just remembered something we learned at school - we're supposed to love our enemies. So I guess we should invite him."

R intervened as only dads can. "Hey Ry, there's this phrase called 'Kill 'em with kindness'. That means be nice to people who are mean to you, and it will drive them crazy."

To which Ry said, "COOL!!!" That's my boy.

I love the whole concept of killing people with kindness. I think there's a Proverb about how "a kind word to an enemy is like hot coals on his head", or something like that. My Inner Bitch, however, acknowledges that sometimes it's a lot more fun to kill 'em with Fookery.

So anyway, today I dropped Ry off and Andrew got right up in Ry's face and said in a voice reminiscent of Francis Buxton from Pee Wee's Big Adventure, "Guess what?? I get to go to your birthday party." And my sweet little Pie said "Well, that's good!" It was a proud parental moment.

In other news, I'm taking two writing courses online through BN.com. I'm determined to get paid for writing something - at least make back what I spent on the books for the class. If you need me to write something brilliant for you, please let me know. Scathing complaint letters and cleverly-worded hate mail are my specialty.

In other other news, I've contacted my SP6 downstream, and having perused her blog, I see that her knitting prowess by far exceeds mine. She is clearly Ubercool (since we have quite a few things in common), and I've gathered some goodies to mail her. I've also got some goodies gathered for my Cheapass SP, I can hardly wait to find out what incredibly lucky Knittyhead has me for an upstream.

I was just contacted by my SP6 upstream thusly:

"Ms. Penny Karma, paging a Ms. Penny Karma...

Your SP would like you to know she is strange, crass and will probably be sending you at least one thing which will make your nose wrinkle, your brow furrow and you to exclaim, "What the ... ?" in utter bewilderment.

Enjoy!

P.S. Don't worry, it won't be dog turds....this time."

I love my SP already. That's my kinda humor, right there. BRING IT!

Lastly, I'm bidding on some eBay stuff and I'll be SO pissed if some stinky sniper gets in there at the last second. Oh, I hate those people.

Frugality requires Creativity. And a Sense of Humor.

Boy, don't I know it. Thank God that I was born into a Creatively Frugal home, so I've never known any different. Fortunately, what we lacked in Cash Assets, we also lacked in Pride. It's hard to be proud when you've got knee patches on your jeans and socks on your hands instead of mittens.

So Roxy and Sarah put together this Knitty Secret Pal round that requires you to spend no money at all. I love it!

For those who don't know that the word Frog is a verb (ie, non-knitters), an SP (Secret Pal) thing is kinda like Secret Santas at work, where you're given the name of someone and you send them stuff. There's usually a spending minimum given, but not this time.

"The idea is to exchange patterns, ecards, snail mail cards, cute pics, fun links and things that you don't have to spend $ on. If you want to send something RAK-style out of your existing stash too, that is fine, but no one will be required to spend $ on gifts."

This is SO right up my alley.

Of course, I also signed up for SP6 before I knew about this Cheapass SP (that's what I'm calling it, and I mean it in the most loving way), so I'm really going to be involved in two SP rounds simultaneously. Both require the same Questionnaire, so I'll put my answers on here for all to read. In addition, I was thinking I'd put up a list of stuff that wouldn't cost anything but postage and would make me deleriously happy.

_____ Behold My Questionnaire _____

Knittyboard user name: penny_karma

Preferences:

1. What is your current skill level (beginner/adv. beginner/intermediate, etc): I'd call myself a beginner/advanced beginner. I can knit and purl but I suck at the finishing process.

2. How long have you been knitting? I took my first class on February 12th last year.

3. What are your favorite fiber colors? I really like everything. I have no fiber color issues.

4. Are there any fiber colors you absolutely do NOT like? If so which? See above.

5. What are your favorite fibers? I've had fun felting recently, so feltable stuff is cool. But I'd be happy with whatever.

6. What is your favorite yarn to knit with and why? I've recently discovered Noro. I love the colors, especially when felted.

7. Do you like stripes or solids more? I like a little flare rather than monochromatic.

8. Do you have any unwelcome fibers (stuff you just don't need more of or like?) Nah, knock yerself out, I'm easy.

9. What is your Dream Yarn? Sari Silk - never tried it but it looks cool

10. How do you feel about novelty fibers (both the yarns and the items made with them)? Like them. For some reason people love the Fun Fur scarves I make them. Not my cup of tea, but I like to make stuff for other people. I think the novelty stuff is kinda fun.

11.Do you prefer straight or circular needles (are there any sizes you really need)? I like circs, and I think I'm set as far as sizes.

12. Bamboo, aluminum, or plastic? Aluminum

13. Do you spin or crochet? Nope. I'd like to learn crochet, though.

14. What is the next thing you want to learn (techniques etc)? DPN's. I suck at them. I want to make mittens and socks.

15. What item(s) do you knit the most? Scarves, hats, shawls and purses.

16. What are your favorite items to knit? I like scarves because they're quick and I can give them to friends.

17. What are you knitting right now? A "Bama Boa" for my sister's new mother in law. It's that Boa yarn in Alabama Crimson. I heard you groan.

18. Any projects you haven’t gotten to yet? Hundreds in my head!
Wants and Nots:

19. Allergies:

a. Do you have any food, fiber, smoke, pet allergies your SP should be aware of? Nonsmokey, please, that's all I ask :)

b. Do you smoke, have pets, or process peanuts where you store your yarn? If so, please declare them here: Smoke free/ Pet free home here.

20. Do you have any Wishlists? Amazon.com, knitpicks.com, and Freebie!


21. Anything you’ve been longing for or would really love to get (knitting or not)?: I've been meaning to get the Amy Ray CD called Stag and something more important always seems to come along whenever I have money.

22. What about stuff you don't need at all? I can put anything to good use!

23. What about knitting accessories? I'd LOVE a bag to organize my needles, and some stitch markers and row counters, point protectors maybe?

24. Do you have hobbies other than knitting (tv, sports, collectibles, fave things)? I collect really bad Holiday CD's or just music by obscure artists I might not have heard of.

25. Books you would like (knitting or not): I liked this one called Kids Can Knit - I'd like to use it to teach my daughter.

26. Magazines you would like (knitting or not): I like ones with easy patterns so I don't feel like a knitting moron.

27. For those of you who live outside the US, is there anything you'd like that you can't get your hands on? I've had a hard time finding Cascade around here. I'd love to try some of that Fixation so I can make Nosewarmers, or the 220 everybody's always talking about.

28. In the event your SP lives outside the the US, is there a particular yarn,etc. you can't find in the US? I haven't really tried. I'm lame, I know.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things:

29. Who/What is your favorite...
a. Chocolate: Cadbury Milk Chocolate, or Dove
b. Muppets: Ernie and Bert
c. Cartoon Character: Squidward
d. Flower: Pink Tulips
e. Ice Cream flavor: Double Fudge Brownie
f. Fragrance: Colors De Benetton
g. Shoes to wear: LL Bean Comfort Moc's
h. Type of garden: Butterfly
i. Animal: Penguin
j. Beverage: Diet Coke, occasionally with a twist of rum
k. Author: David Sedaris
l. Musician: Lyle Lovett and Indigo Girls (yes, I'm straight)
m. Holiday: Thanksgiving - tons of food and football
n. Time of Day: Sunset
o. Bath or Shower: Shower


I Want to Get To Know You Better:

30. How did you learn to knit? I took a class at Michaels.

31. What is your oldest UFO and how old is it? Wow, I have no idea.

32. What is the most exciting this that happened to you this month, year? Well, it depends on who you ask. I thought that my husband taking me yarn shopping yesterday was pretty exciting. Last year, the most exciting thing that happened to me was losing 40 pounds.

33. What is your favorite thing to do to waste time? Hang out on the Internet.

34. The things that make me the happiest…. A full tank of gas, money in the bank, and no particular place to go. I LOVE shopping at estate sales and thrift stores for vintage treasures and Kitschy Knick-Knacks.

35. If you were candy would you be sweet, sour, or cinnamon? I think I'd be Cinnamon on the outside and sweet in the middle.

36. If you were a fruit which would you be? Probably a pineapple.

37. Are you a Java Junkie? Not at all, I've never had a cup of coffee in my life.

38. Your birthday, in case it falls during the swap and your SP wants to send you a card: January 13th, ya just missed it. But my knitting anniversary's in February ; )

39. Do you have a personal mantra? Treat people how you'd want to be treated. Unless they're assholes. Then be heinous to them. They started it.

41. How do you feel about holidays? I really get into them, actually.

42. How do you really feel about socks? I wear them every day and wish I knew how to make them!

43. What is your shoe size? 8

44. How do you feel about ponchos? I like 'em.

45. What kind of music (and/or which artists) do you listen to when you are happy? My very favorite is Indigo Girls, but I love to rock out to all kinds of stuff when I'm happy. When I'm sad - The Smiths.

46. Rate yourself on a girly/fruh fruh factor from 1 - 10: Somewhere in the middle.

47. What is your family situation? Do you have any pets? Married with 3 kids. Only pet is a goldfish that we bought at WalMart 5 years ago.

48. What are a few of your life dreams? Get out of debt and buy a house and a minivan. I'd also like to write books, but I'm such a perfectionist I edit myself crazy.

49. What languages do you speak (besides English)? I speak un peu de francais, y un pocito espanol.

50. If you could live anywhere, where would that be? I'd love to live near London. Never been there, but I think it would be cool.

51. If you could do anything for a living what would it be? I wish I could be the person who comes up with nail polish names for OPI. Or be an anchor on Sportscenter.

52. If you could have any "super power" which would it be? The power to predict the future. I knew you were going to ask me that.

53. You're given $10,000 for traveling. Where do you go and why? I'd want to take hubby to Ireland with me. What we didn't spend on the trip I'd probably have to use to pay the babysitter.

54. How frequently would you like to hear from your SP, and what kind of contact would you prefer? I don't like to be high maintenance, but just let me know you're alive. Email's fine, or cards, or really whatever. Don't go broke trying to make me happy!

And now, stuff that wouldn't cost anything that I would love -

Newspaper coupons from Michaels and Hobby Lobby
Super-Easy Recipes
Ideas for Games I can play with my Kiddos

Take Heed, Cuz I'm a Lyrical Poet.

There are the obvious side-effects of insomnia, such as lethargy and general crabbiness, and then there are those which are a little less obvious.

Case in Point: I've been talking like Vanilla Ice for the last 3 days.

Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know.

God, I hope so - before I make Rice, Rice, Baby for dinner and Vanilla Ice Cream for dessert. That wasn't supposed to sound gross.

Then, last night, I couldn't sleep and I turned on some lame Night Owl Theater movie called The New Guy. And playing the role of the Music Store Employee was none other than Robert Van Winkle. And I recognized him immediately. I scare myself sometimes.

I was up the rest of the night wondering, what is Word To Your Mother supposed to mean, anyway?

Yo, VIP - Let's Kick It!

Just because I'm the sort of individual who relishes using words like "moniker" in place of "name" and "edifice" in place of "building", check the sidebar for a link to the fly-est Vocabulary-Building website I know, boyeeeeeeee!

I take that back - I'm the THIRD biggest idiot alive.

I can't even believe these people.

Now, I think the Chronology of Events in this story would be interesting to verify. Did the hubby find the dude with the thumb in a Baggie first and think, "Hey, I know what we could do with this!" or did the wife say "I have a perfect plan for how to score some big billz... if only we knew someone willing to cut off his thumb..."

If the latter scenario is true, then I guess that idiot would bump me down to fourth.

Some of these goofy quizzes are alarmingly accurate.

Your Birthdate: January 13

You're dominant and powerful. You always need to be in charge. While others respect your competence, you can be a bit of a dictator. Hard working and serious, you never let yourself down. You are exact and accurate - and you expect others to be the same way. Your strength: You always get the job done Your weakness: You're a perfectionist to a fault Your power color: Gray Your power symbol: Checkmark Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Personality Profile

You are sexy, powerful, and bold. You're full of passion and energy... Sometimes this passion has a dark side. You feel most alive when you're seducing someone. You never fail to get someone's attention. Quick minded, you're also quick to lose your temper!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

OH MY GOD, I am the BIGGEST IDIOT ALIVE.

You like me! You really like me!!!

Domestic Overlord, what would I do without your guidance as I fumble through the foggy waters of Bloggery?

Thank you ALL for your comments, now that I've figured out that I'M the bonehead, you can go back to talking amongst yourselves.

And now, let me tell you about my awesome husband. I got the man to take me yarn shopping today, to TWO DIFFERENT STORES. And out to lunch too, but did I mention TWO different stores? And he looked at yarn labels for Fiber Content and Dye Lot Numbers! We picked a deliciously heinous Yarn Bee yarn from Hobby Lobby (50% off this week) with the equally heinous color name Fudge and Kisses.

Then after a yummy lunch at Macaroni Grill (which was free because we used the Gift Card my mom sent me for my birthday), we went to the next yarn store. Hand in hand, we looked for masculine colors in 100% wool because - get this - he has asked me to make him a FELTED scarf. Yes, when he asked, he used the word FELTED. Then he bought me NORO. I love him.

A Hijacked Meme (kinda)

Nobody ever tags me for these things, which begs the question - is anybody reading this? Would it kill ya to leave a lil feedback every now and then? So I borrowed it from one of My Favorite Blogs and added a little extra to it. Cuz it's all about Me, in case you hadn't heard.

Four Jobs You Have Had In Your Life:

1. Aveda "Lifestyle Educator"
2. Gap Accessories Expert
3. Y2K Compliance Project Manager
4. Victoria's Secret Bra Fitter (jealous??)

Four Movies You Could Watch Over and Over:

1. Raising Arizona
2. Godfather (1 and 2)
3. Goodfellas
4. Napoleon Dynamite, Gosh!

Four Places You Have Lived:

1. Kirkwood, MO
2. A sorority house in Columbia, MO
3. San Antonio, TX
4. Ballwin, MO

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch:

1. The Office
2. My Name is Earl
3. Arrested Development
4. Survivor (and pretty much all reality shows. Love 'em. Schadenfreude. Look it up.)

Four Places You Have Been On Vacation:

1. Longboat Key, FL
2. Petoskey, MI
3. Rockport, TX
4. Steubenville, OH (jealous??)

Four Websites You Visit Daily:

1. Yahoo.com
2. Knitty.com
3. Ebay.com
4. Hugethrobbingcox.com (just kidding)

Four Of Your Favorite Foods:

1. Werther's Chewy Caramels
2. Shakespeare's Pizza (Columbia, MO)
3. Leftover Shakespeare's Pizza
4. The Jumbo Popcorn Chicken Salad from Sonic

Four Places You Would Rather Be Right Now:

1. A beach
2. A cabin in the mountains
3. A massage table
4. A cafe within walking distance of the Eiffel Tower

And now, the categories I added for My Own Amusement -

Four A-holes On Whom I Wish Evil To Rain Daily:
1. M. D.
2. P. M. (and the whole M. family)
3. E. Z.
4. This space available for rent.

Four People Who Shouldn't Be Bosses of Other People:

1. Cathy P. from NML
2. Kerry L. from Aveda
3. Karen J. from Aon
4. Me. I'm too nice and I can't delegate for shit. Whoever just whispered "control freak" can just shut the hell up.

Four Little Quirks I Have:

1. I never take the top newpaper in the pile.
2. I always wear socks to bed.
3. If one of my shoes comes untied, I'll untie the other one and re-tie it too.
4. I get kinda panicky driving over bridges.

Four Actors With Whom I'd Do a Nude Love Scene:

1. Johnny Depp
2. Zach Braff
3. George Clooney
4. Drew Carey (cuz I'd look really skinny)

Four Things I'd Like to Do Before I Die:

1. Walk across the Syndey Harbor Bridge
2. Knit a sweater
3. Write my autobiography
4. Tell Cathy P. of NML that she is the absolute meanest person I've ever met

Four Things I'd Do With A Million Dollars:

1. Build a funky retro-style house with a Conversation Pit in it
2. Buy a minivan
3. Buy this purse
4. Give a whole bunch of it to United Way

Four Things I Probably Should Do That I Don't Do:

1. Floss Regularly
2. Work Out
3. Laundry
4. Sleep

Four Things I Probably Shouldn't Do That I Do:

1. Relentlessly Mock the Idiots I Encounter Every Day
2. Eat Werther's Chewy Caramels Until My Jaw Hurts
3. Buy Yarn
4. Buy More Yarn

Four Things I Couldn't Live Without:

1. My George Foreman Grill
2. Internet Access
3. A Toothbrush
4. It's a tie between Yarn and Werther's Chewy Caramels. Maybe I could roll some Werther's Chewy Caramels really skinny and knit myself an edible scarf. Nah, that'd take too long. Never mind.

Four Of My Pet Peeves:

1. People who bitch about everything that's wrong with their lives and claim to be unable to do anything about it
2. People who say "nookyalar" instead of Nuclear
3. People who say "supposably" instead of Supposedly
4. People who think I'm a snob for correcting someone's pronunciation, grammar or spelling (Jeez, sorry I want to preserve the purity of the English Language)

Who's it All About?

1. Me
2. Moi
3. Yo
4. Me

Kid Logic and some other Childish Thoughts.

In a 3-year-old's mind, the words "face" and "head" can be suffixed to just about any other word in the English language and Voila! Instant insult. Here are some examples that I've heard recently:

Gas Station Face, Sock Face, Laundry Head, Raincoat Face, and, my personal favorite, Poopy Diaper Head, which I've actually used recently, when Some Dumbass thought that the fact that Their SUV is bigger than My Mazda automatically meant that it was her turn to proceed through the 4-way stop first. Just cuz I'm smaller doesn't mean I won't sue that effin Lexus right out from under your fat ass, Poopy Diaper Head!


So last night as I was watching the Golden Globes, I got to thinking. I wonder if Sir Anthony Hopkins ever sits around his Ancestral Estate in his Boxers eating Doritos and watching porn. Maybe nobody else in the world's brain works like mine does, but that's the kind of stuff I think about.

The Golden Globe Red Carpet as well as the upcoming premiere of American Idol also got my mental gears turning. Don't these people have friends who try to talk them out of making asses of themselves? I mean, didja see Marcia Cross in that Orange Toga? And Drew, honey, I love you (and your boobs), but for cryin' out loud, would it stifle you artistically to put on a Bra?

Sometimes I think I should give these people my phone number and have them call me before they leave their houses so I can talk some feckin sense into them. I mean, alls I would have had to hear from Marcia Cross is the word "ORANGE", and I'd have had her zipping by the mall to pick up something less heinous. Then again, I guess if I were Ridiculously Rich, I'd pay somebody just to tell me I looked great even if it wasn't true. Why can't I get a gig like that?

And American Idol just kills me. I don't care who wins. I wish nobody would win. I'd rather see 8 weeks of hideously abysmal singers who all think they're going to be the next Ruben Studdard (who??). Isn't it amazing to think that even the worst singer in the competition stood in line for days thinking they were going to grab Hollywood by the ballz and run?

And I actually love Simon Cowell. If I had the knitting knowhow to design a haughty, pretentious-looking cowl-neck sweater, I'd call it the Simon Cowl. It would be inspired by his ubiquitous black T-shirt, and I'd make the pattern completely illogical and nearly impossible to follow. (Then I'd make one for Randy Jackson made out of DAWG hair! HA! That just came to me! Y'know how he's all "Ya did yer thang, Dawg!" Well, I thought it was funny. I crack myself up. Does anybody read this?)