Thursday, May 28, 2009

I wasn't going to write about Tuesday.

But now I kinda have to. And I have to write about Wednesday. And today.

Tuesday morning at about 11, I got a call from Buffy. From the way her voice sounded, my immediate thought was that someone was dead. I wish I could recreate in writing what it sounded like, but the closest I can come is that it reminded me of when Linda Blair says "Your mother sucks cocks in Hell" in the Exorcist, only she was whispering.

Basically, she was sick, she needed to get to a doctor, her husband was working, and she couldn't drive herself. I said I'd go pick her up as soon as Tito got picked up for school. So I packed my knitting (thank GOD I had the presence of mind to do that) showed up at her house at about 1. And when she answered the door, she looked like she'd been sucking cocks in Hell for about two days. She was clearly very, very sick.

She didn't have an actual appointment, but she had called her doctor's office and they were going to try to "work her in" at around 2. We got there at about 1:20 and they put us in a room right away. But I knew better than to be encouraged by that.

Buffy told me she'd gone to an Urgent Care in Springfield the day before, where they told her she had Strep Throat and gave her antibiotics. She wasn't feeling better and her throat hurt so bad she couldn't eat or drink anything, so she was severely dehydrated.

You may remember that Strep and I have a bit of a history. I asked her if she'd had Gatorade or Propel, which is my standard treatment for the Strep I've dealt with six times in the last year or so. She hadn't. I went to the hospital snack bar and brought her back two bottles of Gatorade. I'm nice.

She asked me to see if I could find her a blanket. The nurse asked if I was Buffy's girlfriend. Um, no, just tryin to help a sister out. Got a fuckin blanket, Anita Bryant?

The doctor came in at about 2:30, wrote her two prescriptions and said to take her to Intubation in the other hospital building where they'd give her fluids for two hours. That was fine, I called to let Beeb know where I was, no big deal. I got her to the Intubation place (which smelled like salsa and B.O.), and sat there while they got her hooked up. Needles and IV's totally ick me out.

She asked if I would mind running down to the hospital pharmacy and getting her prescription filled. Sure, I said. Better than sitting here.

So I walked back to the other building and waited while I got only one of the two prescriptions filled. They told me they didn't have the other one. Um, isn't this a HOSPITAL??

I figured maybe they just had a run on whatever the fuck it was, so I'd just offer to go somewhere else to get it. When I got back and handed her both the bottle of pills that they gave me and the paper for they said they couldn't fill, and she said -

Oh, that's the MORPHINE. That's the one I reeeeeeeally neeeeeeeeded...

Morphine. Cuz she's allergic to both Vicodin and Percoset.

So I figured my choices were stay there and listen to her moan, or try to get my hands on some Morphine. Instantly the immortal words of NWA ran through my mind - "You know who the fuck I am? This bitch is tryin to gank me. Imma slap ya upside the head wit nine inchesa limp dick!!" It's from DOPEMAN, if you're not familiar.

I went to the closest 24-hour Walgreens, armed with Buffy's credit card, her ID, and her insurance card. I don't know how tough it is to score Morphine for yourself, but imagine trying to get it for someone who isn't you when you can't answer the questions the pharmacist is asking.

Ma'am, do you know what this is for?

Um, no, not really. It's for my friend who's at the hospital.

Why didn't the doctor just give it to her there?

No, no, she hasn't been admitted or anything, she's in for Strep and she's really dehydrated, and she's in immense pain, and she can't take Percoset or Vicodin and they've got her hooked up to IV fluids and whatnot...

Are you aware that this is a VERY. UNUSUAL. CONCENTRATION?

I'm not aware of anything, dude, I'm just trying to be a nice person, and the hospital pharmacy didn't have it, so that's why I'm here.

Well, we don't have it either.

Look... is there ANY way you could call the doctor's office to see if there's any alternative that you DO have that would work? Cuz there is NO WAY I'm going back there without her pain meds.

There I was, on the verge of tears, and it wasn't even my drama. Long story short, they eventually called the doctor and got something so I didn't have to return to Buffy empty-handed. I texted Buffy to see if she wanted me to bring her food, hoping she'd say Shit yeah, I'm starving, and get something for yourself too... but she didn't want anything.

I got back to the hospital at around 5. Buffy wasn't done yet. I knew that Perfect Baby needs to be picked up from the day care by 6. Good thing we'd brought the car seat, just in case.

I gave Buffy the meds, and she asked if I could get her some juice because liquid Morphine tastes really bad. The nurse asked me if I was Buffy's girlfriend.

We got out of there at 5:30 and headed to get Perfect Baby. Buffy had called to tell them I was coming, so picking her up was no problem. I dropped Buffy off at 6:30, and told her, "Hey, just give me a call if you need anything", hoping it came across in the kind of way like when you're saying goodbye to someone you don't give two shits about and you're just trying to be polite.

At about 7:15 Wednesday morning, before I was even out of bed, Beebie sent me a text message from her phone asking me to bring her yearbook up to the school for Yearbook Signing. She didn't tell me where it was, so the actual request was Mom, could you spend an hour turning the house upside down, then bring me my yearbook.

I also had to locate a bunch of little trinkets and Happy Meal prize-type stuff for Tito to take for his class' Garage Sale. We were supposed to bring them to school priced, in 10-cent increments.

While I was in the process of turning the house upside down, I found Pie's overdue/assumed lost library book that I'd paid $13 for the day before.

I got Tito's stuff done, emailed the librarian and dropped the book off at the school(and got my check back), and dropped off Beeb's yearbook. Then after Tito got on the school bus, I was about to eat leftover spaghetti - oh, yeah, when I got home after spending 6 hours as Buffy's Bitch, I still managed to make spaghetti for dinner - and then I remembered that Rip was moving into his new house that day, so I thought I'd take some spaghetti over and we could eat lunch together.

The movers had broken Rip's microwave. So there went that idea.

So I'm helping him get his stuff unpacked and moved around, and while I was cleaning his refrigerator and telling him about the 6-hour Buffy ordeal, my phone rang.

Have I told you what her ringtone is? It's Queen, UNDER PRESSURE. Appropriate?

She needed to get to the hospital for a CT scan.


Anytime before they close at 5. (It was 3.)


Oh, and I'd also need to you pick up Perfect Baby.

Well, I've got dinner plans tonight so what would be easiest for me would be to come get you now, drop you off, go and get Perfect Baby and drop her off with Princeton...

Oooooh, I was kinda hoping you could get her as close to 6 as possible, because Dummy's working and Princeton would have to take care of her all by himself, and I don't want to put too much on Princeton.

(And yet, she has no issue with fucking up MY day.)

What would make the most sense to me would be for me to (drop everything and) come get you now...

(sigh) Ok, yeah, I guess that'll be fine.

So that's exactly what I did. I immediately left Rip's house. I went and got Buffy and PB's car seat, and took her to the hospital. On our walk through the parking lot, Buffy suddenly stopped walking and started to cry:

Sarah, I just need to have a breakdown... I am in SO MUCH PAIN... And I still have to be strong and be The Mom because Dummy has no clue how to run the house... And I just can't do it. I can't.

I really wanted to say Oh really? What's that like??? Cuz right now I'm neglecting my kids and I'm fucking sick of taking care of you and everyone else and I haven't had time to eat or even PEE today and I'm kinda wishing I could have a breakdown too, but I'm being strong so YOU can have YOURS. You need to lighten the fuck up on your standards at home, is what you really need to do...

But I didn't. I hugged her. I think I was secretly hoping I'd catch Strep so I could make her MY bitch next week.

I dropped her off, took PB to Princeton, remembered we needed milk and I hadn't had a chance to the grocery store, and called Beebie. I told her that if she got her brothers ready, I'd come home and pick them up and take them to get Cheapie Sodas at Mobil On The Run because the Cardinals scored 8 the night before. Then I was going to fix the kids dinner and get them bathed and jammie-fied before I left for the evening.

We were at Shoplift N' Save when I heard PRESH-AH!! PUSHIN DOWN ON ME... Fuckin fanTASTic.


Hi. I got done sooner than I thought and Dummy's at work for a few more hours, is there any way...

Buffy, I'm at the grocery store with the kids right now, and I need to get them home and feed them and head to the city for dinner.

And then I felt like a dick, so I added, If you can't find anyone else, then I'll try to work something out, but I've really kinda got stuff goin on...

Ok, I'll see if the neighbor can come get me...

This would be the neighbor whom she talked to before we left to make sure she'd be home when I drop PB off with Princeton. So she's using her backup, leaving her with no backup if there was something Princeton needed.

I felt like an absolute asshole for leaving her in a bind like that, but fuck, I was looking forward to going to the Iron Barley with Kev. I didn't hear back from her. And I didn't call her to make sure she had a ride.

And the Iron Barley was closed when Kev and I got there. I was so pissed. But Kev's really cool about just letting me just unload emotionally when I need to, and I went home feeling much better. Ambiguity intended.

So this morning at about 9, my mom called. I told her of the last two days of being at Buffy's beck and call. And I know I'm a douche for complaining about it. I should re-emphasize the fact that Buffy is really seriously very sick, and that she and Dummy have no family in town, and that her husband is technically unemployed and so he works odd jobs whenever he can get them and he needs to be at work, especially if Buffy's not at work. And she tells me how much she appreciates me.

Still, taking care of her for two days had taken a physical and emotional toll on me. It wasn't like I had missed a manicure appointment or something for myself; I could have dealt with that. I was putting off household things that I don't relish doing. The everyday things I needed to do - like laundry, dishes, and vacuuming, for example - weren't getting done.

And at that point, my family was becoming affected. Plus I had burned through more than half a tank of gas shuttling her and PB about. I was starting to get bitter.

And literally five minutes after I got off the phone with my mom,


Hey, how are you doing?

Oh, hey, Sarah, it's Dummy. They kept Buffy overnight and now they're saying she can go home, but the only thing is that I have a job I need to get to...

Ok, I can come get her, no problem. What time?

Well, that's the thing... she's waiting to see an ENT so it might be a little bit.

That's fine, just have her call me when she's ready to go.

Thank you!

Not a problem.

I had a couple of errands to run, so I took a shower, got dressed and went to Trader Joe's. While I was in the parking lot,



Well, it seems they're NOT letting me go after all. I haven't seen the ENT yet and he's the one who's going to make the determination whether I need to stay another day or not. So I have no idea...

Ok, just let me know. Once Tito gets on the bus, I can be there.

(sigh) Thank you so much, Sarah.

It's fine, I'll talk to you later.

I got home, got Tito on the bus, and fell asleep for two hours. I woke up when Beebie got home from her last day of school, crying and blotchy. She had left her purse in the gym and someone had taken it. She reported it right away, and at the end of the day, no one had turned it in. Her cell phone was in it. She was really upset.

I wasn't mad at her, but mad at the jackass kid who would take another kid's purse with a cell phone in it and not do the right thing and turn it in - and even more mad at the loser parent who doesn't teach their kid not to take something that isn't theirs. I can't imagine a parent seeing their kid with a phone that they knew they didn't have the day before and not asking them where the fuck they got it. But I called AT&T and got it shut off immediately, so it'll be useless, and so now whoever took it will probably just throw it away.

She's learned the very important Don't Let Your Purse Out Of Your Sight lesson, the hard way. The phone can be replaced, obviously, but what makes me sad is that it has pictures on it that she's taken of her brothers and her friends, which wouldn't mean anything to anybody else. The phone would be useless anyway, so at that point, why wouldn't whoever had it just turn it in?

I hate it when I am reminded that not everyone in the world is nice. That doing the right thing in a given situation isn't as important to everyone else as it is to me and the people I know.


Goddammit, NOT NOW.


Hey... I'm gonna be here for a while and I'm going crazy, so I was wondering if (laughs) you felt like coming up and keeping me company?

Actually, Buffy, Beeb just got home and told me her purse and cell phone got stolen at school today.

(gasp) You're KIDDING!! Did they shut down and lock the doors and look for it?

Um, no...

Well, I would have demanded that!

She filled out a report and I talked to the assistant principal, and there wasn't any money in it or anything, just her phone and her umbrella, so really it's... I'm just kinda upset...

Oh, of course you are! I was just going to see if you could pick up Perfect Baby and keep her for a little while until Dummy gets done...

I need to call and get the phone shut off and everything, and Beeb's really a mess, but if there's no one else who can, then let me know.

And as of this moment, I haven't heard back. But the last two times I've told the story, within minutes I'm under PRESH-AH!!! So I'm kinda taking a risk by telling y'all about where I've been for the last few days, but I do it because I love you bitches.

And you've seen what I'm willing to do for people I don't even really like a whole lot.


Kev said...

As someone who also will do just about anything to help others, my Wed. night became "care for PK night." (you can thank me later Buffy) I enjoy making you feel better - Ambiguity continued...

While the Iron Barley was closed, it did allow me to hit my 3rd brewpub in 3 days.

I do worry about you taking care of others to the detriment of your own health, Sarah. I know you feel like an asshole for not helping every single time you could, but you needed to recharge yourself so that you could continue to care for all those folks who you care for regularly - The Apes, R, Rip, Me, SuperWife... We all know that you'll do anything for us, and never ask us for anything in return. But like it or not, we're going to take care of you when you need it.

My verification word? "wornseq"

Penny Karma said...

I have incredible friends. :)

Bezzie said...

I think Buffy's blog name needs to be changed to Pussy.

Gah. That whole no family around/husband unemployed excuse is Bullshit--ask me how I know. Bitch is giving us Alaskan girls a bad rep. First Palin now this.

turtlegirl76 said...

you ARE an incredible friend. You deserve to be surrounded by friends as good as you. I am curious though. What has Buffy done to deserve such a great friend?

SiressYorkie said... sounds like YOU'RE an incredible friend.

I can understand Buffy relying on you so much. I don't think it's cool, but I can understand all that mess, annoying as it is. As someone who currently lives with NO family around her and having very few people that could be counted on in a crisis, even fewer that speak my language and could understand what I needed, I totally get that mentality. Even more right now because my hubby's across the ocean, so if something went wrong with me, I'd have limited options.

But that last bit about coming to keep her company? Absolutely not. THAT is going to far. She does know you have three kids, right, AND a husband and household to maintain? Sistah, please. Hobble down to the gift shop and buy a book of crosswords or summat.

I still don't understand why she'd expect you to sit round on-call waiting for her to be done so you could come fetch her. Take a fuckin' taxi, lady. It keeps people in jobs under a tight economy because people always need taxis.

And man, where do YOU live that you get morphine for strep throat? I'd be so down with that!

Penny Karma said...

The house next door to us is for sale, Yorkie...

Jo said...

You are a saint. I think at some point I would have stopped answering my phone.

Poops said...

Tell you sumthin' else, Sistah: I live next door to my dad, in a town where I know freaking everybody, and I don't have anyone like you that would drop everything in their life to get me and my Precious Baby here, there, and everywhere.

There's a house on my street for sale, too. How 'bout you and Yorkie move in? NH's lovely this time of year...

Penny Karma said...

A saint? Patron saint of Snark, perhaps.

I know I'm a common-sense good person, but no better than the average person. And yet I can think of at least two people, off the top of my head, who think I'm a total douchebag.

Rosi G. said...

PK, I don't even know what to say. I want to hug you and hold you and smack you all at the same time. MY word verification is "berater" so i'll do that.

Sometimes, it's totally ok to SAY NO. JUST SAY NO. You really should put your foot down and tell her you CANNOT POSSIBLY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES REARRANGE YOUR SCHEDULE TO SUIT HER! the first few times if it's easier, you can do it via text. Then you'll get better at it and tell it to her on the phone and later to her face.

But, sweets, you really do need to not let her have your family suffer your absence.

I understand that Dummy has to work but with as sick as his wife is, money ain't everythang!

Kev said...

Don't forget they think you have a persecution complex.

And if it makes you feel any better, those same two fucktards don't like me either.

knittingkitty said...

You ARE a good friend. The request for you to 'keep her company' is totally out of line.

That's a 7-letter Deborah, never a Deb said...

Wow! My husband (different last names, and actually I don't think we were even married then) somehow managed to bully his way into getting a vicodin scrip. filled for me after an accident. I've no idea how he managed it and I hear they threatened to call the cops. I'm impressed w/ your mad opiate-scoring skills.

You're certainly getting lots of practice with your limit-setting skills too.

You're definitely a good friend.

Penny Karma said...

Fucktard's a harsh word. It just bugs me that certain people have chosen to see only the stupid shit I've done, (admitted and apologized for), and not retract or apologize for any unfair statements made about me.

If you're going to lecture me about how decent adults behave in polite society, then please be a grown up and make things right.

Please pass this request along to the appropriate people, spies.

Kev said...

Harsh like a cake :). Yes, its a harsh word, but based on how those two people have behaved towards both of us, I stand by it. If they don't like it, I'm not that sorry.

Penny Karma said...

You're certainly entitled to be harsh if you want to, I just want it to be clear to the world that that's your word and not mine.

I'm really more hurt than angry, and of course it's wrong when I say something that hurts someone else, but they can say whatever they want to say about me, and if it hurts ME, then it's because I deserve it.

And it's not just a hurt, it's a systematic and sustained hurt.

Kev said...

Yes, it is very much my word. I know you and I have had different reactions to the ways we were treated, because we had different experiences in dealing with the people in question, and this isn't the forum to really get into it. I'm more disgusted with them than anything else.

SiressYorkie said...

I've got two wastes of sperm that despise me too. Luckily they're cyber, so I've never met them and probably never will. They both took every opportunity to insult and publicly embarrass me, and I finally told them off for it, I got so sick of their shit, as they were becoming trolls. I look back on it (one was just in the last few weeks), and I think, If only I'd done that with more people in my life instead of being afraid of people not liking me, I might not be the quivering pile of neuroses that I am now. And I'm not a bit sorry I told those two douchebaguettes to STFU.

If you're going to open your door, step out into the world, and be yourself, you're going to make enemies even without trying or meaning to. I wish it weren't true, but there are more damaged people than sane most, people have a skewed reality, and such people would be threatened by and unforgiving of a kitten that wandered across their path. For them, the kitten would be preventing them from greater things. Schade.

In the meantime, think on this: my new pet mice pooped in their waterdish last night, and it's swollen up like a wee cigar. They're staring at it like,'d THAT happen?

Take heart in knowing you weren't born a rodent.