OH. EM. EFF. GEE.

Fucking LIVID. LIVID BEYOND LIVID.

Plenty of good stuff happened this weekend, I assure you, and I'll tell you about the good stuff too, but before I do, I simply must vent a bit. Grab a hold of something, because if it's not bolted to the floor, it may just blow away under the force of my wrath.

Last night, R called his sister, Mrs. Lexus, to get some Christmas gift ideas for her two sons who have everything in the world - including their own Lexuses (Lexi?) sitting in their garage just waiting for them to turn sixteen. And at some point in R's conversation with her, Mrs. Lexus told R something that really, REALLY pissed me off.

Remember the time FIL asked R how I would be voting? I don't fault R, entirely, FIL's just not a person to whom you could say, "With all due respect, that's really none of your fucking business." R did what he had to do. He should have just said he didn't know, but he wasn't thinking. I forgive R. Really.

Well, apparently, after R called in for the Weekly check-in call to Chez Inlaw, Mrs. Lexus called in next. And here is the transcript as I imagine it to have happened:

(Ring Ring)

"Hello?"

"Hi, Dad!"

"Hello, Chris."

"How is everything?"

"Well, I have some... rather disturbing news."

"Oh my God, Dad, is everything okay?!!???"

"It seems that SARAH is... an OBAMA SUPPORTER."


So not only does the fucker extract information about me via his son, he then decides that it's perfectly all right for him to discuss it disparagingly with other family members without my knowledge or consent.

I have made the conscious choice to not discuss my political views with him or with anyone. I believe that I have the right to keep my opinions to myself if I want to (others may choose differently and that's fine), and that's how I would have wanted it, but NO, the fucking bastard has to not only know everything about everyone, but also has the duty to report my private opinions to whomever he wants to, pointing out that said private opinions are, of course, ignorant and wrong. And then, of course, as you may recall, came the incessant flood of Anti-Obama emails intended to bring me in to the Flock.

Apparently I have no right to think whatever the FUCK I want to think. And that means it's perfectly acceptable for him to make me out to other members of the family to be an uninformed, unintelligent, idiot jackass because I don't think the way he does. ALL of this smacktalk went on behind my back, without giving me an opportunity to defend myself, which I shouldn't even have to fucking DO at all - last I checked, this is AMERICA, for fuck's sake. Fuck ME.

When R told me the story of how Mrs. Lexus heard from FIL that my political leanings qualified as Rather Disturbing News, I swear I thought he was kidding. And as soon as I realized he wasn't, I was absolutely fucking ENRAGED. How dare FIL, first of all, ask my husband something about me that's not his fucking business in the fucking first place, THEN go and talk shit about me to his daughter and God knows who else? At least I can hope that the other family members can easily see what a total dick move that is for him to talk shit about me like that behind my back. Reeeeal fuckin mature.

It's not YOUR fuckin business, FIL, and it's not anybody else's fuckin business either, so for you to go bashing me and my brazen audacity for dissenting from the family's views is TOTAL FUCKING BULLSHIT and so fucking help me, if you say WORD FUCKING ONE to me about the way I voted or am planning to vote on anything, EVER, I will unleash the hellfire shitstorm that I up to now I have somehow, only through Divine Intervention, managed to hold back.

You will NOT treat me that disrespectfully ever, EVER, again. NEVER.

I got so fired up about this after R told me about it, I ranted out loud (as opposed to At Him) until after he'd fallen asleep. He told me I don't ever have to go out there again. What, I'm going to sit at home by myself on holidays? R said, "Well, you liked being home alone on Mother's Day..." Um, duh, I was SICK and I slept the whole time you were gone. Yeah, I liked it a whole lot, actually, until I found out that FIL didn't believe I was truly sick.

For me to refuse to go out there is like me saying "Ok, then, if you don't respect my views, then that's fine. I will just assume that I'm not welcome in your home, and I just won't attend any more family events." And that's not the message I want to send to him.

The message I intend to send to him is this.

Look, Assfuck, your son married me, so whether you like it or not (and trust me, I don't like it any more than you do), I am a part of your Family. And your views may differ from mine. And you don't have to respect my views if you don't want to, but you WILL respect ME, and my right to have whatever opinion I want to. Oh, and please respect my right to a little fucking PRIVACY, thankyouverymuch, pass the fucking asparagus.