Sunday, March 08, 2009

Yet another man I love - James.

One of my favorite television shows is Inside The Actor's Studio, with James Lipton. James Lipton is brilliant and hilarious, and I love how he comes across as totally pretentious and almost condescending, but he's really quite humble and not above making an ass of himself on Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

James Lipton makes me wish I was a movie star. I'd deal with the papparazzi just so I could be on this show. But since it's highly unlikely that I will be a household name anytime soon (except in your household, of course), I'm just going to pretend I'm uberfamous and skip to the ten questions Mr. Lipton asks every guest. Not that you asked.

1. What is your favorite word?


2. What is your least favorite word?


3. What turns you on?

I'm a lexophile. I'm really turned on by great conversation and well-chosen words that effectively create an emotional reaction in me. When someone says just the right words to me at just the right moment, touching my heart and rendering me speechless, I just melt.

4. What turns you off?

Bad smells. I'm really sensitive to smells. If Johnny Depp invited me over to his house for dinner and a hot tub party and when I got there I smelled that he'd just put out some funky smelling mulch by the pool, I'd turn around and go home. Or, rather - I'd weep bitterly, steal something as a souvenir, then I'd turn around and go home.

5. What is your favorite curse word?

I curse so much that some words that are curse words to other people aren't all that curse-y to me. For example, I love the word Twat, but to me it's not a curse word. It's like Cooter or Hoo-Hah.

I bet you thought I was gonna say Fuck since I use it most frequently, right? Well, the way I see it, Fuck and Shit are just colorful, versatile words that can both be used many ways, in many contexts, as both a noun and a verb; but I like the word Gaaaahdammit, because to me, there's only one context in which it works best. Goddammit is a True Curse Word, because I'd only use it if I was totally fucking pissed off. That's like, the ultimate curse word to me. I reserve it, so it maintains its intended effect.

6. What sound or noise do you love?

The combination of sounds in a huge library - the hollow echoes, the hushed voices, the footsteps and the squeaking of chairs, the sound of turning pages and book covers closing. I love that. It's the sound of the pursuit of knowledge.

7. What sound or noise do you hate?

Annoying mobile phone ringtones.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

I'd love to get paid to write something. I'd love to be a television writer for a sketch comedy show or work with an ad agency coming up with clever commercials and jingles.

9. What profession would you not like to attempt?

Political office. It would drive me crazy that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't possibly make everyone happy. I'd be so frustrated I'd probably kill myself.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Girrrrrrrl, you crack me up.


Kashmir Knitter said...

Girrrrrrrl, you crack me up.

Skye said...

You're a household name at MY house. :)

Penny Karma said...

I'm not even a household name at my OWN house.

Anonymous said...

The way I hear it, you have LOTS of names in your own house...

Mrs. Racer's favorite sentence? "Fuck you you fucking fuck."

Speed "F-bomb" Racer

L Dawg said...

Ditto on the crackin' me up. I can still whomp you at trivial pursuit, though.

Rip said...

PK, the only reason you are NOT writing for a living is that you have it in your mind that it would be too hard or too impossible to somehow land that kind of gig for yourself.

How many of your blogites need to tell you, over and fucking OVER how you have a gift? You do this writing thing waaaaaay more better than we commonfolk.

We would miss you if you actually got a job writing for a living and your posting schedule got cut way back, but we'd all totally understand and relish the thought that we "knew you when."

Live your dream, child.

But if you don't want to do that, you can always get a job with my company selling probes that are inserted into post-vibrated concrete or shot into a shaft. Giggle giggle. (sort of an inside joke, sorry everybody...)