Sunday, October 05, 2008

In Which I Gloat. (don't read this, Husker and Cub fans)

MISSOURI 52 - Nebraska 17

Dear Nebraska,

While it's certainly gracious of Coach Pelini to apologize to the entire state for the humiliation his team suffered on Saturday, I think that as a hard core Missouri fan, I should apologize too.

I'm sorry your delusional coach felt the need to trash talk our team, saying you weren't only going to beat us, but SHUT US OUT. Hope the University's health care plan covers mental health.

I can understand why the fact that we hadn't won in Lincoln in thirty years might make you feel pretty confident, but we beat you by thirty-something points last time you were in in our house, and we're every bit as good if not better than we were last year. So I'm sorry we handed your team the worst whuppin your asses had taken in FIFTY years. The fifth worst loss in your school's HISTORY. Gosh, that must suck.

I'm sorry your players have no manners or class. Spitting (yes, spitting) on our Golden Boy, Heisman-bound QB Chase Daniel during the pregame only made him want to run up the score. Which he did. Sorry.

I'm sorry your defense didn't realize the game had started. Maybe their watches were a little off. Seems they were about a minute late to the game. A minute's not that big a deal, really. Except that we scored 59 seconds after the kickoff.

I'm sorry most of your fans left at halftime. Can't blame them, really - your offense did too. But hey, at least fewer Husker fans witnessed your team get their punk asses handed to them by the Missouri Tigers.

Oh, and the other highlight of my awesome sports-intensive weekend - a big, fat, Nelson-style "HAAA ha!!!" to the CUBS! Even as a die hard Cardinals fan, I honestly would have liked to see you win The Series. I was kinda pulling for you guys; cheering GO CUBBIES! through clenched teeth. This was supposed to be your year!

But you crashed and burned, big time. You got SWEPT by the Dodgers. As my Cards' biggest rivals, I don't even like you, and I'm disappointed in you. I can't imagine how pissed off your actual fans must be, but hey - at least they're used to being disappointed by you for the last 100 years. Ah, well. There's always next century. Have a nice off-season.

1 comment:

The Composer said...

You know, I tried cheering for the Cubs for a little while. I did. Honestly. (Save when the were playing the Cardinals, and I'd have cheered against god himself had he been playing the Cards.) But I took it rather personally when their fans trash talked my sick sister, so I hope they enjoy their next hundred years. May it be much the same as the previous hundred. (They are reliable, at the very least.)