Wednesday, April 30, 2008


We finally found out what Evilina said Beeb said. Kinda. Evilina told Beeb that she never told Marilyn Beeb said Marilyn was an Effin Bee, she told Marilyn that Beeb almost said it but didn't actually say it. Riiiiiiight.

I asked Beebie if she believed that Evilina told Marilyn that Beebie almost said something rude, and Beeb said, "No, because Marilyn told me that Evilina said I said it. And anyway, why would she be mad about something I almost said but didn't really say?" I'm so relieved that Beebie knows Evilina is fulla shit. Beebie's got her head on straight.

Oh, and Frances wrote R and me a personal apology for "her behavior on April 13th," which I thought was very sweet, but it was interesting to me how Frances very clearly pointed out in her letter that her mistake was in going along with Marilyn's idea to leave the messages. Yeeeeeah.

I've just started reading Queen Bees and WannaBe's. I think I might summarize and comment on the chapters for the benefit of the other mothers of pre-teen girls who very kindly offered their encouragement during the Mean Girl ordeal. Thanks, all of you.

My thanks go out to everyone, parents and nonparents alike. I appreciate all the nice things you said about my Mad Parenting Skillz and what a cool kid Beebie is. And if you just sent me some nice thoughts and didn't actually comment, well, thank you too, Lurker.

Anyway, after a week like that, the normal everyday drama of my life seems pretty boring. It isn't, though. I've got other stuff goin' on, so this is gonna be kinda random.

- I finally took Tito to the Ear Doctor to get the stupid tubes put in. I'm sick of his ear infections. Y'know, cuz I suffer too. He failed the Kindergarten screening. Twice. And of course the administrator tells me in the hushed, sympathetic voice...

Mrs. Karma... your son... (barely whispering)... failed ... the hearing test...

I think they're alarmed that I'm so nonchalant about the whole thing. Yeah, his ears are fucked. I know. So we're getting the tubes put in June 2nd.

- Pie finished the first Harry Potter book and is a good 80 pages into the second. I'll have to take a video of him reading out loud, he is really hilarious.

- Ren Faire is coming up. I'm actually excited about going. I might dress up and I might not. I'm totally gonna munch one of them big ol' greasy turkey legs and rip it outta my mouth and growl like a drunk Viking. SOOO sexy.

- Also coming up is Mother's Day. I don't think I need to remind you how I feel about Mother's Day. There are links in the side bar under Archival Highlights. I don't even want to think about it, really. Suffice it to say that I get to spend a day that's supposed to be just as much for me as it is about my mom or R's mom at my inlaws', the one place on the planet I LEAST want to be.
Gotta love that.

Father's Day is worse just because I'd prefer not to celebrate the man who physically and mentally abused my husband as a child and who emotionally manipulates him to this day, but at least I get to take fiendish delight in my covert plot to murder FIL slowly by feeding him pound after pound of butter in the form of some delicious treat I baked. I've been at it for a while. The man's got some strong arteries, apparently. But I'm not giving up. Oh, hell no. They're gonna have to clog someday. There's probably melted butter running through his veins right now. I bet if he cut his finger he could drizzle it over popcorn.

- Ok, American Idol. Dreadlock Boy needs to GO. David Cook had me at Hello. Paula gets weirder and weirder all the time. I can't wait for America's Got Talent. That shit's hilarious.

- School's almost out. I haven't made many plans for the Apes other than Summer PSR. Oh, and they haven't asked me for money yet. One year when we were a food pantry family Church Nazi herself called to let me know that they didn't have record of our payment for Beebie, and I told her about our Food Pantry Adopt-a-Family status, and she got all flustered like "Oh! Oh, well, then... of course..." She was totally embarrassed for mentioning it. It was absolutely fuckin delicious.

Now, c'mon, I'd never lie and say we were still a Food Pantry family when we're not anymore, but I'm certainly not going to volunteer the information. I'm hoping Church Nazi will assume we still are and not give me a hard time about it. It's not a lie that we can't afford it.

I'm also reeeeally nervous that summer's going to prompt Swamp Thing into her signature Ambush Playdates more often. That's all I fuckin need. But admit it, you're sitting there now secretly hoping the freak shows up at my house JUST so you can read about it, arentcha? How catty of you. Y'all go gitcher own Swamp Thing and let ME read about it instead of having to LIVE it.
Bitches, alla yuz.

Nah, I'm just kiddin. You bitches know I love you.
Love you FOR your cattiness, even.

What else, what else, what else? Ummmm...

OH! OH! OH MY GOD!!!! Can't believe I forgot this.

We upheld the cherished Karma family tradition of going to Grant's Farm on Opening Day and buying our Parking Pass for the season. It was like 55 degrees outside. I had on a coat and a fleece pullover, but I got my free beer on at 10am. HELL YEAH!

Photos from my amazing cameraphone.



Amy in StL said...

They have entrance exams for Kindergarten? And there's a hearing test portion? I skipped that grade, so I don't know anything about how it was, but I thought you just turned the magic age and they let you in.

Oh, and are there people sans children at GF? I'd love to go - haven't been in AGES - but I don't have kids. Do I need to rent some for the day?

Bezzie said...

Hmm..I hate to say this, but I think your camera phone kicks Kevin's camera phone's ass.

C'tina said...

That coat is fabulous. With the sunglasses, so chic...I love houndstooth, but never actually owned any...

Holly said...

Delurking to say that after you read Queen Bees you should read the follow up book by the same auther - Queen Bee Moms and King Pin Dads. It's more about dealing with adults that you interact with in dealing with your child like teachers, coaches, other children's parents. It should be required homework for every parent upon enrolling their kids in school!