Q & A

No, not T & A, you buncha perverts.

In my last post I mentioned that I would open myself up to answer your questions, inspired by An Evening with Kevin Smith. I've only gotten asked one question so far. I wouldn't be surprised if people didn't see where I wrote that part. The post was lackluster, and it was toward the end, probably long after a normal person would have clicked on NEXT BLOG.

So, yeah, anyway - I want to see if I can be Kevin Smith, so ask me a question about myself and I'll answer it the best I can. Generally it's my policy to answer whatever questions you guys might have, especially if they're about me, so it's not like it's anything new, but there ya go. Ask away.


Question #1 comes from Jo:

Here's my question:

Are you this snarky (and I mean that in a good way) around your kids or do you tone it down for them?

I ask because I think we are a lot alike in humour and way too many times things fly out of my mouth in front of my 4 year old and later I end up trying to explain why Mommy says things like this...


Yes, I am pretty snarky around the kids. It's a little ashamed to admit it, but I'll even confess that I'm a bit potty-mouthed around them too. I do try to use my more colorful words sparingly, and I'm getting better, but as far as the snark, they see the same me that my friends do.

Like, if I thought the dude in the drive thru was a rude little fucker, and I had the kids in the car, I'd probably water it down to "Man, that guy was rude..." but of course I'd never just let it go without drawing their attention to it, like most grown-ups probably would. I point weird shit out to them all the time. But I'd never say something like "Oh my GAWD, kids, look at that lady's fat ass..." for several reasons.

Primarily, they may very well turn to me and say "But Mommy, your ass is WAY fatter, you just can't see your own ass! Trust us! It's true! Your ass is ENORMOUS, GARGANTUAN AND EPIC!" (I do try to expand their little vocabularies.) No, I try to be more subtle to make sure they're paying attention. Like I wouldn't say, "Look at that skanks's trashy outfit with the denim mini skirt and fishnet hose!", instead, I'd say "Gee, I wish that lady would quit borrowing my clothes..." See? The sentiment's still there, it just requires a little effort on their part to get the humor of it.

I try not to be too mean around them, because I want them to grow up to be nice people that other nice people want to hang around, I mean, I guess I want that. Still, my rebellious inner child knows that sometimes the maybe-not-as-nice people are the most fun to hang out with. I've always loved Miss Clairee's line in Steel Magnolias - "If you can't think of something nice to say about somebody, then come sit by me!" Maybe I'll get that tattooed around my ankle in some classy font.

It's not that I want my kids to hang around assholes, but I guess what I really dislike is insincerity in people. I mean, there are obviously people who are genuinely nice and it is their nature to be nice. And that's great, And I think that generally I'm a nice enough person - nice enough to be polite and snarky enough to be fun. Maybe I'll get that tattooed around the other ankle.

I guess I'd rather they just be genuine, and be able to spot other people who are also genuine. I'm always assuming people have ulterior motives, after that Evil Daisy Troop Puppet Regime Incident. I need to work on assuming the best about people instead.

I don't EVER talk about the people I don't like (especially the family members) in front of them. Cuz that shit would get fucked up in a hurry. I've often thought about what would be the worst that could happen, though - what? They'd avoid any and all contact with us?

Ouch.
No.
Please.

Honestly if I didn't feel a sense of responsibility to my blogreaders, and if I didn't get such a kick out of searching the English Language for words that can accurately convey what a bunch of fuckin' freaks I married into, I wouldn't be the least bit disappointed if they suddenly cut us off because of some shit I said.

Sometimes when we're out running around on our many adventures, the kids'll ask me "Are you gonna put this on your BLOG, Mom???"

And I say, "FUDGE YEAH!!"