Busy, busy, busy...

I think my blog has peaked. I'm losing popularity. At one point it had 46 blogs linked to it. Now I'm down to 36. I suspect my blog's getting boring. Hell, my life is boring. And when it isn't, I'm either too busy or too tired to write about it.

I try to keep a variety of topics going - parenting, knitting, general stuff, Oh well, if I get too many readers, Bezzie won't read me anymore. Maybe I need to get back into WPN Wednesdays. Maybe I need to update more.

(I know I'll always have at least one fervently loyal reader. Hope you enjoy your candles, by the way.)

I'm sorry that my updates have become weekly. It's summer. Whoever came up with the concept of Summer Vacation obviously didn't have three Apes to entertain every day for three months. We've had a lot going on, as usual. I'm going back through the pictures stored on my camera to remind myself of all that I haven't written about. I have an assload of photos I still have to go through in order to properly update you on the goings-on at Chez K. Chez K - I like that.

First though, I have to discuss a few things.
Oh, you won't even believe this.

This morning I found chocolate sauce on my bra.

No, I didn't eat ice cream in my skivvies (although that sounds delectably kinky), I had washed it and hung it up on my bedroom doorknob to dry, and when I took it off to get dressed today, there was a funky brown spot on the side of it. So I sniffed. No doubt about it, it was chocolate. In my illustrious parental career, I've encountered many strange stains in many strange places, but chocolate on my bra, that's a new one.

Several hours of reflection brought me to the conclusion that one of my Apes (most likely the one who's eye-level with the doorknob) must have snuck a chocolate Reisen candy from the bag on R's nightstand and, to conceal his crime, wiped the tell-tale chocolate drool on whatever was closest. My BRA.

I suppose it's comforting to know that right now The Apes are not quite clever and cunning enough to pursue lucrative careers as criminal masterminds. At least not until they learn how to destroy critical evidence.


Next topic - I hate swimsuit shopping. I mean, really, what's worse? Ok, shopping for a swimsuit for Beeb was actually just as bad, what with every designer thinking a 9-year-old girl needs to look like a skank prepping for Girls Gone Wild Junior Miss Spring Break, but I can think of very few things I wouldn't rather do than try to cram my lily-white dimpled ass into swimsuits and try to decide which one looks the least repulsive on me.

I found one at LB which I actually really liked. I had resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to break down and get a skirted one (just like my mom has worn my entire life and which I swore I would never, ever be caught dead wearing). Swimsuits are damn expensive, but they're also damn hard to find, so I went ahead and forked over $77 for the one I liked, and planned not to wear it until I had looked everywhere else I could think of.

The next day, I went to Marshalls and found one I liked for $25. Then I also bought myself the biggest wide-brim hat I could find, because I love great big obnoxious hats, especially at the pool. I feel like I should have an umbrella drink melting in my hand. Remember the TV show Gidget, with Sally Field? The reason I bring it up - Gidget's best friend LaRue, in a memorable episode, went to the beach wearing a hat almost as big as the one I bought. I love it. It's my LaRue hat.

We haven't been swimming too much yet. It hasn't been warm enough, and the Apes are going to VBS this week (which Tito calls Occasion Bible School), as they did last week. It's lovely. I get a few hours to myself and they get to learn about God and I feel a little better about the fact that we don't go to church.

VBS is great, but after a little while, I must confess, I miss those little shits. Oh, but get this, Beebie suddenly turned all girly on me. The same child who I have to remind to brush her hair every single morning is suddenly asking me for a scrunchie. Ok, I am soooooo not a scrunchie person. I wonder if she's not a wee bit boy-crazy. Following in her mother's footsteps.

Next week Beeb goes to Summer PSR. I've had a little heart-to-heart with Beeb on my bitterness toward the Catholic church. She knows I wasn't raised Catholic and how difficult it was for me emotionally to convert. I hope to raise her with a sense that Catholics aren't the only Christians out there. I fear that my disdain for this particular church, the Church Nazi and certain aspects of the Catholic church in general has affected her. Oh well, I kinda want her to question her religious beliefs and not just be a parrot.


I got my hair cut today. I have bangs now. This is a major thing. I have spent the last several years with my bangs in various stages of the "growing out" phase. And now, they're cut. And I actually like them.


Still house hunting, still trying to save up for down payment and whatever. I don't think I'm very good at the saving money part, but I honestly am trying.

I'm still on my yarn diet and doing awesome. I'm also doing well on my garage sale diet. Last weekend I went to two church rummage sales, and at one I found a bag of superwash Shetland wool that looked interesting. I always forget which is thicker, DK or sport. It's whichever is less thick. And it might even be fingering weight, which I've never tried. Anyway, I got ten same-dye-lot skeins for $15 - about 1000 yards (give or take) of it in a pretty dusty pink and I don't know what I could make with it. So yes, I cracked. I bought yarn. But I prefer to view my falling off the wagon this way - I supported the church.

Still, $15 after spending $0 on yarn for more than 3 months still breaks down to an average of $5 a month on yarn - pretty respectable for a yarn diet, yes?

Oh, I sounded like Chef Ramsay just then.

Have I mentioned how much I love Hell's Kitchen? I love it. You know on the first episode when the new chefs have to prepare their Signature Dishes? I think it would be funny to show up with one of those Snackmaster machines that makes the little triangular sandwiches and tell Chef Ramsay that's my signature. A triangular grilled cheese sandwich. Maybe he'll look me in the eye and scream, "YOU DONKEY!!" I daresay I might actually be a little bit turned on by that. I love accents, and I don't mind a little intimidation within a certain context.


And, I also love the return of the Hoff on America's Got Freaks! What do I like best about this show? Sharon Osborne. Why? Because I do a spot-on impression of her. Perhaps I'll record a sound clip for you. I don't do a lot of celebrity impressions, but I do a really good Sharon, Suzanne Pleshette, and Edie McClurg.


I love having a blog because I can ask things I've always wanted to know and someone out there will answer me. Trillian, I think, enlightened us all about Pork Butts once. Tactless Wonder recently explained what Xanthan Gum is. I think it's so cool that you all help me out when I wonder stuff out loud. So here's my next question -


Corn: Why can we see it in our poop? I think they should make the Black Boxes on airplanes out of it. Wouldn't that make sense?