I can't believe I forgot to tell you -
Recently, I was waiting in line at Target with Pie and Tito, my two four-year-old boys who are not twins. Pie was growing impatient, so I wearily suggested that he look at the magazine rack to see if he could find any words he knew.
No, he didn't see the Rachael I-get-my-wisdom-teeth-pulled-daily-to-maintain-my-cheeky-cuteness Ray magazine and read the words "Cooking is Fun". He didn't see Martha Stewart Living and read the words "Christmas Magic". He went straight to some Glamour/Cosmo/Vogue hybrid.
"It says, 'Special... Tricks. What... Your... Man... Wants... You... To... Do... In... Bed!' I read it, Mom!!"
Oh, SHIT.
"And that one says 'Wild Sexy... what does P-A-N-T-I-E-S spell??"
Panties.
"WHAT???"
Panties, I repeat a little louder. Y'know, since it's hard for him to hear me over the chorus of other shoppers' snickering.
"'Wild Sexy Panties!' S-E-X-Y spells SEXY, Mommy!!"
Yeah, I KNOW it does.
"Are you gonna buy that magazine, Mommy?"
NO.
"Why not?"
Because I already know special tricks.
"Will you get it for me, then? I want to learn Special Tricks too, so I can be like Harry Potter."
If I were Harry Potter, you can bet your ass that my Special Trick at that moment would have been to whip out my invisibility cloak as quickly as effin possible.
One's naming turds, one's reading Cosmo. But I'll focus on the positive.
At least the Turd-namer is creative.
And at least the Cosmo-reader is reading.
9 comments:
Well, that is a story that you will be able to bring up at all crucial moments in his life to bring up some red cheeks!
You are obviously giving Pie all sorts of learning opportunities at home, as learning to read at four years old is no small feat. Naturally, it could be a freakish genetic anomaly and has nothing to do with your parenting, but I say take credit where you can!
Your children never cease to amaze me!
Never a dull moment at your house, huh?
I can remember Owen pointing at the Cosmo decolletage and whispering, "Her titties are about to fall out!" He had the best impish grin while he said it.
Our supermarket has a big display of condoms kind of near the check-out. Once he asked me what they were. I just told him, "Grown up things." Whew, he let it drop at that.
Wow, he's going to knock the socks off the other kids in school with his reading abilities. I'm a little jealous Chunky doesn't know how to read Cosmo. Hee hee!!!
omg, I can't remember the last time I was crying laughing reading a blog. :)
Thank you for posting that, PK. I needed a laugh and hoo boy did that lil gem hit the spot!! :)
Oh wow, that is hilarious! And so cute :)
My brothers used to do things like that all the time...
That is so funny and embarrassing! I love it!
I've read this three times now. I can't stop giggling about it. I'm so glad I'm not the only mom that kind of thing happens to. :-)
Bina
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