Monday, October 03, 2005

Hiya, I'm Penny Karma!

Inspired by the new NBC TV show, "My Name Is Earl" (which is highly worth checking out, if you haven't), I decided to give some thought to the concept behind the show - the idea that bad things happen to people who do bad things, and good things happen to people who do good things. Simple concept.

I was looking back over my own life and a common theme appeared. A lot of people have pissed me off when I didn't deserve it. And of course, karma would dictate that bad things should befall them. Not necessarily the fire and brimstone, sackcloth and ashes, weeping and gnashing of teeth variety; but perhaps more like the paper cut, get in the slowest line at the grocery store when you're in a hurry, stepping in gum sort. Not pure undiluted evil, just minor inconveniences and annoyances.

The problem with karma is that you have to kinda just believe that everybody gets what they give in the end. You don't often get to witness karma at work on some jackass who done ya wrong. And that sucks. Is it wrong to want annoying things to happen to annoying people? YES, I know technically it kinda is. My dad is a minister so I'm well aware of the fact that Jesus said vengeance is his and we're not supposed to let our minds hatch maniacal revenge plots.

But they're such fun.

Now wait, before ya freak out, lemme clarify - I'm a good person. I leave more pennies in the penny cups than I take out. I love performing random acts of kindness. When someone does a good job, I tell them I appreciate them. Customer service reps usually have especially amusing reactions to kind words as they're not used to hearing them.

I've never put sugar in anyone's gas tank, never stalked anybody, never left a pile of flaming poop on someone's doorstep. And I suppose the argument could be made that if people pissed me off then I probably pissed a whole bunch of people off through the course of my thirty-four years, but dang! Did I deserve to be fired from my job when I was six months pregnant? Uh, NO. Did I deserve to do the job of two people without a pay increase, and leave work in tears every day? Definitely not. Did I deserve for a co-worker to make up an entirely bogus list of things I'd done wrong and give it to my boss behind my back in order to protect her own job? Oh yeah, I was pregnant then too, by the way.

These people, in a word, SUCK.

I worked my ass off for these people. I only have a lil bitty nub of ass left. HA! Ok, maybe ass size should not be used to illustrate this point. But I digress...

So anyway, I thought it might be therapeutic and practically harmless to document the transgressions of these individuals who have pissed me off here in my Blog Sweet Blog for posterity.

Then I read this article:

It's about letting go of grudges. And one of the article's recommendations for doing so is confronting the person against whom you bear said grudge. But that's not always practical.

Behold my brilliance.

Welcome to my open forum for confronting the PWHPMO's (pee-whip-moes) - People Who Have Pissed Me Off.

You're welcome to play along at home. Who hasn't gone to their high school reunion with the secret wish that all the Mean Girls got really really fat? Do you ever inch your car up in order to prevent the jerk who cut you off a mile back from merging into your lane? Come on, we all want to see people get what we think they deserve or reality shows wouldn't be so popular! There's always the person you're kinda pulling for and the person you love to hate, right? Of course, sometimes we're rooting for the villain, but that's part of the fun of it. Whether we admit it or not, we love Schadenfreude. Look it up.

Did you for even a moment snicker at the thought of Martha Stewart in prison? Ya know ya did! That's a sitcom waiting to happen, for cryin out loud. More power to her for working the a bad situation to her advantage. Mad props, sistah. I have a theory on Martha Stewart and her loyal army of Stewartites that I'll have to share with you another day.

Lest I be viewed as a negative, bitter person (which I'm truly NOT), I think I'll throw in a positive paragraph or two just to keep the balance. Cuz that's what karma's all about.

Here ya go. Ahem.


Until recently, I thought that all mascaras were pretty much the same. They all perform the same function. Some curl, some thicken, some strengthen, some lengthen, some enlongate - but any one type of mascara is pretty much interchangable with any other. I would be willing to wager that I, as someone who uses mascara every day, would be unable to tell the difference between a $2.99 mascara and a $20 one. I'm even more sure that my husband would be unable to tell the difference on me.

Enter Unstoppable by Maybelline. I love the brush, I love that it doesn't make my eyelashes look like tarantula legs, and it's supercheap. Yay!!

For the record, that Great Lash crap sucks. Whoops, sorry... must stay positive... focus...

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