Monday, August 03, 2009

Yes, kids, it's true.
I've been cheating on you.

I'm not proud of myself.

I've been spending a lot more time on Facebook and Twitter than I have here. *

It's not you, it's me.

It's the fact that I find myself coming up with a couple of clever sentences at a time, not enough to create a whole paragraph. It's also a matter of convenience - I can update Facebook and Twitter from my phone, and writing a whole blog post via text... usually while driving ... well, I know you'd want me to be safe so I can keep writing, right?

It's also the fact that the Apes expect to be entertained every day of the summer, and part of their entertainment involves kicking me off the 'puter. And yes, I know they were gone for a full ten days and I didn't blog much then, but during that time I was very, VERY committed to the idea of cleaning the basement and the boys' room before they got back. As it turned out, however, that plan was almost totally derailed when we had to replace the garage door opener, and I was disappointed in myself for not meeting my own goal, which I'll admit was a lofty one, but still, I hate when I don't meet a goal I set for myself.

I don't report to anyone. I don't have a boss. I don't have an annual performance review. I'll never get a raise. I don't get any sort of formal recognition for the amazing job that I do, so my sense of job satisfaction comes from myself and how well *I* feel I do my job. I know the world probably wouldn't fall apart if I didn't get something done that I was hoping to get done, but I'll feel like I didn't do my job. And my job is more than a job to me - it's a big part of my identity, whether I like it or not. So it's important to me to feel like I'm good at it.

But I failed. I came close, but ultimately didn't achieve what I was hoping to achieve by the deadline. And I had a bit of a breakdown over it.

Then the kids came home. And they brought my parents with them.

Now, I love my parents like crazy, and we all have a great time when they're here. They tell me how awesome my kids are, and I feel like a fantastic parent - in stark contrast, of course, to FIL, who points out how poorly behaved my kids are (when they're behaving in a totally age-appropriate manner) and makes me feel like a douchebag.

Again, I love them, and they don't put pressure on me intentionally, but I still feel enormous pressure to be "on" when they're here, if that makes sense. Plus, when we all go somewhere, sometimes Dad takes the boys in one direction and Mom and I take Beebie in another direction, and getting us all to meet up in the same place at the same time is a lot like wrangling squirrels - exhausting and totally futile.

But before my parents left, I told my mom that I was a good mom because of her, I meant it. My kids are good kids because I'm not afraid to parent them, which sometimes includes saying NO to them or otherwise disappointing them. They know better than to ask me for stuff they know we can't afford. They know that there will always be other people who have more than we have.

The boys are still kinda too little to get it, but Beeb's friend Elle, for example, has EVERYTHING. But Beeb's cool about it and she's not ashamed of her family (yet) or the fact that we don't have a pool table or a pool in the backyard or the ability to purchase 3rd row tickets to the Jonas Brothers.

(Which was the FUCKING BEST TIME EVER, by the way. But I digress.)

Anyway, kids, that's where I've been. So now, let me catch you up on what you've missed.

Got a call from Buffy last week. Remember that dream job that was good enough to make her pack up and move across the country? She hates it. HATES. IT. Loves where she lives, so she's glad she moved, but she is absolutely miserable in her job. I've been trying to imagine a job she would be happy in, and I can't. I honestly think she's happiest when she's got something to complain about.

Hmmmm. . . what else? Oh, my Beebie turned twelve on the 23rd. TWELVE.

I know that when one becomes a parent, everyone tells you that the years go by really quickly and your kids will grow up before you know it, but it really is true. Even when some days it feels like they will never learn to pour their own milk or tie their own shoes or ride a bike without me running along side of it or finally drive THEMSELVES somewhere instead of treating me like their personal taxi.


So I went through a brief period when I felt like I was a hundred years old and lamented my own mortality, but I spared you guys that because it was boring and a total downer and I just wanted to push through it. And I did.

I love the show Rescue Me. Sometimes I lie awake at night worrying about Lou and wondering if I'm more of a Janet or a Sheila.

I'm anxiously awaiting the Season 3 premiere of Mad Men on August 16th. Seasons 1 and 2 are available on DVD and you have some time to get caught up and lust over The Hamm right along with me.

See? It's really kinda random thoughts. More a series of one-liners than the monologue you're used to reading from me. I will try to do better about blogging, though. I promise.

School starts on the 18th. Beeb has 7th Grade Orientation tomorrow. And I'm afraid Pie and Swamp Thing Junior are going to be in the same class this year. I just have a feeling. We'll know in about a week. Stay tuned.

* If you'd like to add me on either site, let me know.
EDIT: I'm not PK on Facebook. :)


Amanda said...

I haven't blogged in, oh, about 2 months now. I completely blame Facebook and Twitter. Completely. I think we're following each other on Twitter, I'll go add you on Facebook, too.... :)

Happy Birthday to Beebie. I hope her teenage years are painlessish for you....!!

elspeth said...

I'd love to add your active account on both. On Twitter I'm kniTV and on FB I'm Beth Merenda McKee. I miss your anecdotes! I totally know what you mean about only having the time or energy to mention a sentence's worth of stuff. I love Twitter for that.

elspeth said...

P.S. I added a Twitter "feed" to my blog. It doesn't come up in Bloglines, but if you go to my website, the Twitter comments show up there, so people can follow me there. You might want to do the same for your loyal fans!

Jo said...

I won't hold the cheating against you - because I am right there with you. And honestly, I see a lot of it going on. Many great blogs I used to read have petered off for various reasons. I'll still keep tuning in ;)

Penny Karma said...

The blog will always be my outlet for the unfiltered rant, while FB has to remain more family-friendly because my parents are on there.

Skye said...

I'd like to add you on Facebook, please! Skye Nightingale Robertson

JRS said...

You're a great parent. I've seen you in action! Pie is amazing. I had never met such a clever boy of his age that day we hung out. Be proud!

Beverly said...

May I add you on Facebook? I'm Beverly Prescott Lindeen over there and beverly_knits on Twitter (though I did find you on Twitter).

SHELLY said...

May I please add you on Facebook? I could use a good dose of PK in my days.

Penny Karma said...

I'm on as PK but I don't update that one. You can add me as Penny Karma and I'll message you with my regular everyday Clark Kent identity.

Audrey S. said...

I'm "Audrey Gardner" on FB, and I'm with you, I don't have a blog because it's easier to update Twitter (which is linked to my wall on FB, two posts for the effort of one). With my schedule and family needs, that's all I can do!

About Beebe's birthday, first of all, happy birthday! They turn into teens UNBELIEVABLY fast (ask me how I know). R turned 14 this summer, and all of a sudden is a whole different person, and her social life is insane! She got to see the Jonas brothers through a friend whose mom has access to a skybox at Staples Center, and she said it was "INCREDIBLE" (that's a more or less direct quote from her text, complete with the all-caps).

I see you were prescient about Pie's class assignment, should be a fun year...hmmm

Lili said...

Hey PK please friend me on Facebook and Twitter! I'm Akemi Thompson on FB and lili808 on Twitter. I totally understand about FB sucking up all the blogging time. I've been guilty myself. :) Lili

The Beautiful Kind said...

OK well here is one thing - ONE THING - I don't like about your blog - the posts are too long. Personally I'd rather them be broken down into bite size pieces (like 500 words or less), despite the charm of breathlessly stringing together six funny things that happened to you that day. That's the thing - most blogs and lives are boring, and yours is not. It must be hard to keep up with all the fun and games. And I love all your visuals. xoxoxBAM!