Monday, March 10, 2008

A glimpse into the future.

You know when you look at the upcoming week on the calendar and wonder how in the world you accumulated that much shit to do in a short amount of time?

Today I have to go to Summer PSR registration. This is what I like to refer to as Minimum Heaven Requirements. We don't go to church but maybe 3 or 4 times a year (just lazy), then we go to a couple of MANDATORY goofy PSR workshops throughout the year (where they take attendance so they can pass the info up to St. Peter at the Gates). There was, for example, a workshop on the ten billion Saints they pray to/through, but it didn't explain why they pray to/through them, which totally irked me. Then we send our kids to get all their churchin' done over two weeks in the summer.

It would be one thing if this didn't cost me anything. But it's like $200 a kid. Of course, the alternative is to send them to Catholic school, but A) it's even more expensive, B) there's a waiting list, and C) just on principle, I wouldn't send them there even if it was free. I don't think we can afford to be Catholic anymore.

I don't know if I've ever gotten into it much on here, but I grew up a minister's daughter. I never wanted to convert when R and I got married, but R insisted, mainly to prove to (guess who?) FIL that I was for real and not just some random skank that his son knocked up. And for all the fuckin good it did me, I might as well have just remained Some Random Skank in his mind forever.

Oh, just as a tangential funny, last night R was making his weekly phone call home and his dad was bitching for ten hours about his cell phone service. Then when I asked R what he and his dad talked about, R mentioned that FIL was in a dispute with his cellular provider. God have mercy on that cellular provider.

R said, "Yeah, Dad basically said that (insert name of cellular provider) has him by the, uh, short and..."

STOP, R. NOW. NOT ANOTHER SYLLABLE.
That's a visual I SOOOOOOO do not need.


Anyway, so I have to truck my ass to PSR Registration tonight and somehow round up $600 so all three of my kids can go to Heaven. Yeah, I'm bitter.

Then tomorrow the kids have School Pictures. I have to do some laundry today so I can figure out what they can wear. Then after I drop Pie off at school, I have to take Tito for a Kindergarten Screening. That should be interesting. He lives in Pie's shadow so much, I almost think of the two of them as a unit. Tito's not as good a reader as Pie, but Pie's an excellent reader for his age, and Tito's really an excellent reader for his age, too. It's just that because their ages are less than a year apart, it's hard not to compare them as peers.

Wednesday I have to send Tito to school with an Easter Basket and 16 plastic eggs, each labeled with the name of one of the children in this class. Oh, and here's another random funny that you might like -

The kids in Tito's class were learning about Easter, and about how Jesus was in the tomb and then he was gone. So his clever teachers did a project which involved wrapping crescent roll dough around a marshmallow and baking it in the oven. The idea was that after it was done baking, the kids would peek inside and the marshmallow would, of course, be gone.

So the teacher was showing the class how the marshmallow was gone from the middle of the dough, just like Jesus was gone from the tomb. And my brilliant little smartass Tito yelled,

"JESUS MELTED!!!!!"

traumatizing the entire Pre-K class. Is it wrong to be proud?
I thought it was fuckin hysterical. Kinda like "Oh my God, you killed Kenny! You BASTARDS!"

Anyway, Wednesday morning I have Beebie's parent/teacher conference at 11:30 and I couldn't swing it so I could get hers and Pie's close together, so I have to truck my ass back up there for Pie's at 4:30.

Thursday I have to take Pie to his last swimming class - oh, and by the way, he has to miss a week of his awesome camp this summer. Why? Summer PSR.

Friday the kids are off school and R took the day off of work so we could go out to Chez Inlaw for the afternoon. The kids are looking forward to playing with their Wii, but R hasn't told them that it won't be opertaional when we go out there. FIL bought himself a big fat gigantic new TV and it's not hooked up yet. That means we might actually have to engage in conversation, and neither the Aldis nor the Lexi will be there for backup. FUCK FUCK FUCK.
God, I hope there's liquor.

The upside is that I will have been to the parent/teacher conferences by the time we go out there, and I'll be able to talk about whatever awesome things they're doing in school. The Aldi's won't be there, so it won't be nearly as much fun as telling them what geniuses my kids are while Aldigirl eats paste, but I take comfort in knowing that FIL will certainly pass the info along to them.

Saturday I have to take Tito to a birthday party, then I have to remember where I packed all of our summer clothes, because on Sunday we're leaving to spend a week in San Antonio with my parents.

I'm picking up my Xanax refill this evening.

It should be all right, it's gotten easier as the kids have gotten older. And this time, unlike last time, R will be coming too. I'm so glad. He and I could use some relaxing time together. One of the days I think we're going to Austin - so if you're in Austin and want to say hello to me, R and the Apes, let me know. And I think we'll go to Fredericksburg and maybe even the thriving metropolis of Leukenbach. I keep saying I'll get a t-shirt from there and the last time they didn't have the one I wanted in my size.

But then, maybe after a few days at my parents' house with no snacks, nothing but low fat, low carb, low calorie in the whole place I'll drop a few. I swear to God, a week at my parents' house is like Fat Camp.

I won't be able to make a trip to Yarntopia this time, and I'm quite bummed out about that, but my mom did say she'd take me to one of the shops in Austin and I know there's another one in Fredericksburg, so my vacation won't be completely devoid of yarny goodness. Plus there's Yarn Barn in San Antonio and another shop that was about to open the last time I was there. I forget the name of it. I'll have to check that one out too. If I have to go to the World War II museums with R and my dad, they're coming with me for SEX at the LYS.

Oh, Sweet Christ, that's a visual NOBODY needed.

I'm sorry.

9 comments:

sophanne said...

Jesus melted- I want to be that kid's friend when he grows up!

Kevin C said...

it's really hard to fool a smart kid, which makes it really difficult for teachers when they're trying to fool an entire class. Magicians look like idiots when someone points out how obvious their trick is.

Your kids are absolute riots!

Bezzie said...

Word on the street is that Yarn Barn is closing--so here's hoping its still open when you're down there! The other store is Yarnivore--definately worth checking out.

And now I really want some melty Jesus rolls. That sounds delish!

Jo said...

I hear you on the summer camp and other such costs - you don't even want to know how much W's summer camp costs - and it is subsidied through my work.

Carina said...

Jesus melted. That's classic!

I have never heard of a church charging that much for PSR. You should talk with your priest about that.

Oh, and the saints thing, from the Orthodox perspective, goes like this: there's no death since Jesus died and rose from the death, defeating death. There's no time or space in God or in the Church, either. So, just as you ask loved ones, friends, fellow church members to pray for you when times are rough or whatever, we also ask the saints to pray for us. Just as missionaries and Christians on the other side of the world ask us to pray, and we know God takes care of the time thing and the distance thing, we ask saints to pray for us when times get tough or when we get sick or whenever and know that God takes care of the time and distance things.

That probably was confusing--I was trying to keep it short. That's the argument, in a nutshell, for asking saints to pray for us that a Russian priest told me.

SiressYorkie said...

I don't know what you're so stunned. Every Easter in our family we had Melted Jesus Rolls, Kosher Ham, and Golgatha Mashed Potato.

And I grew up Lutheran.

Poops said...

They don't have weekly religious ed at your church? Bug goes once a week on Sunday during the school year and it costs all of 40 bucks. How can they possibly get all their church learnin' in two weeks? That's crazy!

You wanna rock his teacher's world? Tell Tito what Fr. Albert taught Bug about Groundhog Day: once a year, Jesus comes out of the tomb. If he sees his shadow, he goes back in and it means six more weeks of winter. Bug shared it with her 2nd grade rel. ed. class--the one currently preparing for their First Communion. Her teacher was less than impressed.

Me and Fr. Albert thought it was hilariously funny. Equally funny was the fact that the teacher didn't find it funny.

My priest is an evil genius. You'd like him. I'd drink the purple Kool-Aid for him.

ElizaMac said...

OK, so the "Jesus Melted" line just made me pee myself a little. Brilliant.

Robin said...

Oh dude! You've got to say hi when you're in Austin! Just let me know which LYS and when and I'll be there (probably dragging Entrelac and Mary, Mary along with me).

(Robincat from knittyboard, btw)