Friday, July 16, 2010

Summer Days and Summer's Eve

In non-Luigi news, work's going great.  I really love my job at SQUISH.  I've found my groove and the other girls on the team are fun and cool.  Yeah, my boss is ten years younger than me, but whatever.  In my 6-month review, she told me I was everyone's favorite to work with.  That's the kind of thing I love to hear!  I'd rather have that be my claim to fame than being #1 in sales.  Frankly, I'd be stunned if I wasn't everyone's favorite.  I have no authority to boss anybody around, I get shit done, and fuck, I'm hilarious.

I'm working fewer hours over the summer so I can hang more with the Apes.  Toward the end of the school year my other mom friends were asking me if I'd signed my kids up for any activities or camps.  I hadn't.  Totally forgot, didn't research, couldn't afford it anyway.  How big a loser mom did I feel like? 

But then I remembered how much time I spent in summers past (documented for all eternity, thanks to Blogger) driving kids from one thing to the next.  I about killed myself, as you may recall.  So this year, quite by accident, the Apes and I have been enjoying summer's leisure.

Remember this little girl, all dressed up in her fancy flower girl dress? This is the first pic I ever posted of her on this blog, back in 2005.

In less than two weeks, I will be the mother of a teenager.

Is this bothering me?  Am I consumed by thoughts of my own mortality?  Nah, not really.  But kind of.

I'm so proud of Beebie, and I'm even just a little bit proud of myself for being a pretty good mom.  She's such a cool kid.  We talk about everything.  Seriously, everything.  Well, R was the one who explained to her what Boners are (penises and anything penis-related are his domain; menstruation and cooter issues are mine), but I explained what a Douchebag actually is, and how my grandmother used to have boxes of Massengill in her hall closet, and tried to find that goofy commercial about the mom and the daughter and the "not-so-fresh feeling" on YouTube.  Here it is. 

Then I found some other funny ones. You're welcome.

Sorry, I digress. R and I have a great, ongoing open dialogue with Beeb, and I think it's the one thing I'm proudest of.  But when I remember that her turning 13 means I'm going to be 40 in about 6 months, I keep hearing this song in my head -

The competition's getting younger
Tougher broncs, you know I can't recall
The worn out tape of Chris LeDoux, lonely women and bad booze
Seem to be the only friends I've left at all

And the white line's getting longer and the saddle's getting cold
I'm much too young to feel this damn old
All my cards are on the table with no ace left in the hole
I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Lord, I'm much too young to feel this damn old

And can I just say, when you've got nothing but Garth Brooks lyrics rattling around in your noggin, it might be time for an intervention.

Beeb's 13th birthday is as much a milestone for me as it is for her.  I'd been dreading her becoming a teenager since before she was born.  And now, as the dreaded day looms ever closer, I'm not only at peace with it, I'm overjoyed.  I'm excited, even.  And so incredibly proud.   

In a strange way, Beeb's upcoming birthday has given me a sense of parental competence that I've never had before.  For all the stressing and freaking out I've done over the last thirteen years (the last five immortalized in this blog), I've actually managed to get a lot right.  I'm getting better about picking my battles and not sweating the small stuff.  I'm starting to get the hang of this Mom thing. 

For the first time in my illustrious parental career, I actually feel like I kinda know what I'm doing.  Well, that's not exactly right.  It might be more accurate to say that I've accepted that no matter how much I stress myself out trying to get everything perfect, there will always be things I'm going to screw up as a parent.  There will be numerous Epic Fails.  And they'll probably be fuckin' funny.  And guess what?  The kids are probably going to be okay anyway.   

The fact that Beeb has managed to live this long without ending up in Juvie is not just a credit to me, but to every person involved in helping me be the parent I want to be.  Yeah, I know I have no idea what lies ahead.  Of course I don't.  But I feel pretty good about my (and My Village's) ability to handle it. 

Beeb is an awesome, awesome person. 
Y'all can pat yourselves on the back.   


Cindy in Happy Valley said...

Missed you!

Anonymous said...

Also? She's fucking gorgeous. Well done, YOU!! Nice to read you again, I've missed your blog. Jacquie(bean) in Nova Scotia

Anonymous said...

I'm honored to be a part of the village.

My verification word?
"cysesto" - a bit to close to cyst if you ask me.

SpeedRacer Kev