Monday, September 14, 2009

** NSFW ** Sometimes I go a long way to connect one thing to another.

Seriously, y'all who have been reading my blog for a while should know that pretty much every post is most likely NSFW.  But anyway...

Yesterday we had waffles for breakfast, and I looked at the label on our Aldi syrup.

Aunt Maple's.  Got that?  Ok. 

It reminded me of one of my all-time favorite bits, which was a major bitch to find on YouTube because the only time I ever heard it was on an LP.  Record.  Album.  Vinyl.  Those things we had before cassettes and CD's and MP3's. 

(I watched the VMA's last night and I felt like I was a hundred. Janet Jackson doing Scream was just incredible. Oh, and P.S. - Kanye, you're a douchenozzle. But that has nothing to do with anything, really.)

To continue. . . Fortunately for us, video footage of Dudley Moore singing House On Fire does exist. I couldn't decide which I liked better. With the first one, it's easier to hear the actual lyrics. But the second one has a much more animated delivery.

Did ya catch the connection? "We have not laughed so much since Grandma died, or Auntie Mabel caught her left tit in the mangle." Who else but your pal PK could relate Dudley Moore to pancake syrup?

I always thought that a mangle was a garbage disposal, which is why I always mind my tits when leaning over the sink. But further research showed me that I've been wrong all these years.


"In the 18th century, the first form of the modern laundry mangle emerged. A mangle has two large rollers which are turned by hand with a crank or by an engine, while laundry is passed between the rollers. Historically, such mangles were often powered with steam engines, once the steam engine was invented, and they would have been noisy, hot, and quite dangerous for their users; most modern mangles are electric, a significant improvement.

When used to process wet laundry, a mangle can cut down on drying time significantly by squeezing out as much excess water as possible. For pressing things flat, mangles may be heated so that they will create crisp, smooth creases, and it is not uncommon to see a pressing mangle with a steam attachment for setting pressed seams and creases. In many cases, a pressing mangle is used with a clean sheet to wrap the object being pressed, to ensure that it stays clean.

Modern mangles are much safer than their historical counterparts, but it is still a good idea to be careful, especially around an industrial mangle. These machines can easily severely damage extremities, and users have been severely injured when their hair has been caught up in the workings of the mangle; in some cases, a mangle can actually pull someone's scalp right off, which would not be a pleasant state of affairs."

I'll say.

The ending is my favorite part: "We are miserable sinners. Filthy fuckers. Arseholes." I like to sing that line quietly to myself when I do something blantantly snarky or snicker at someone else's misfortune.


Scott Hulbert said...

Which leaves me to a great quote "It seems you sure got your Tit in a Wringer".

I think that was the RAMS quote for yesterday in fact.

Trillian42 said...

Ok, OW. My boobs are cringing in solidarity with that poor woman.

And the only reason I knew what a mangle was is that one features in a Stephen King short story. Reading that was pretty much the point at which I knew I had no desire to work in a laundry or drycleaners. :D

OckGal said...

Haha, glad someone got a use out of that video (I uploaded the second one). It's always been one of my fave songs by him. Of course that last photo up there will be in my mind every time I hear it now, lol!

Tactless Wonder said...

It's the way we solemnly chant/sings areseholes at the end that brings it home for me.

Thank you for this, I really really needed it.

Batty said...

I knew what a mangle was because... well, people in Yugoslavia were still using 'em in places when I was little. But... OUCH!

Maple syrup. Snicker snicker. It'll be your fault if they arrest me and have me committed when I go grocery shopping this weekend.

SiressYorkie said...

I thought that was a wringer. Seems like a mangler would actually MANGLE something, ya know?

OckGal said...

Isn't there an old movie called The Mangler? Now I'm picturing some psycho chasing people around with a laundry thing, haha!