POP QUIZ! Hope y'all studied!

You Are Basic Panties

You are a laid back chick with a real natural beauty. You can make unwashed hair and minimal make-up super sexy. Men tend to notice you show the "real you" - and they appreciate it. And while basic makes boring for some, it looks classic on you.

What Kind of Panties Are You?

Your Lucky Underwear Is Red

You're confident and bold, and your lucky red underwear will only make you more sure of yourself. You have a great zest for life, and you tend to take on impossible goals - and succeed. When it comes to love, it's hard for you to take the time to open up. You're too busy conquering the world. So if you're looking for a little more romance, put on your red underpants. And see where their passion takes you!

What Color Is Your Lucky Underwear?

I don't believe it.

Today, in the mail, we received three copies of our lease extension for us to sign.

The owners agreed to a SIX MONTH LEASE!

AND... the rent is increasing by...

a mere FIFTY dollars.


I seriously can't believe it. I really thought they were gonna jack with us. Up to now, the nicest thing I could think of to say about Evilite Property Mismanagement was that They Are A Perfect Example... of How NOT to Run A Leasing Company.

Or Any Company that Deals with Human Beings.
In Any Way.


So now we have a plan. We're outta here in SIX MONTHS. Where are we going? We don't know. But, who cares? No more Dingbat!

We were so happy, we cleaned the garage!

BEFORE


AFTER


GOODWILL RUN



I think it might be fun to document the cleanup process over the next few months, just for my own edification. And y'all's. ;)

Perhaps I'll come across some wacky items I can offer as prizes. Or trade for yarn.

George Foreman Grill, anyone?

Maybe not everyone was wondering, but I was.

So last night I was watching Letterman and I heard him mention that Toby Maguire would never be on the show again.

And, because I don't always watch every episode, I wondered why.

So I did a little research.

This is why.


http://switchboard.real.com/player/email.html?PV=6.0.12&&title=Tobey%20Maguire%20%2D%2D%205%2F2%2F02%0D&link=http%3A%2F%2Fmag4.free.fr%2FMaguire%2Fmedias%2Flateshow.ram

Note: This content may require the latest RealPlayer, which is not available on Windows 95, Mac OS9 or Linux systems.



Now ya know.

BEHOLD! I am SuperMom! Maybe.

I took Beebie to the dentist this morning. But it wasn't for a routine visit. Oh, no. No no.

This is the Karma family we're talkin' about.

I got a phone call yesterday afternoon from the Bus Company. The woman told me that Beeb's bus driver had called in to let me know that Beeb was pressing her face against the bus window, and the driver hit a bump and Beebie chipped her tooth.

My first reaction: Thank God Beebie's school pictures were taken last month (and they're supercute, I'll show ya).

My second reaction: Is she okay?

She's on her way home now. That's really all I know.

My third reaction: How bad is the chip?

I don't know, ma'am. I'm just the messenger.

My fourth reaction: What the FUCK???

You don't give someone who doesn't have all the pertinent information the job of calling a parent in a potential emergency situation. Of course the parents are going to ask questions because they want all the facts they can get! And if the messenger doesn't know anything, well, it's just bloody frustrating.

My fourth reaction, in my out-loud voice: Um, okay.

So this lady told me Beebie chipped her tooth, but I was left wondering if the child was bloody and toothless and unconscious and how was I going to pay to get the tooth stuck back on? I have about $30 to make it until Friday. I wondered if the dentist has a payment plan.

I had this vision of Beeb walking in the door with her front tooth split in two. I wondered if it was broken horizontally or vertically. I was kinda hoping for horizontally, since I figured that horizontally would be easier to fix, but then I remembered the craptastic luck I invariably have (how long have you been reading my blog?), and I figured that chances were more than likely it was as bad as it could possibly be.

So I waited by the front door for what seemed like hours. I wanted to be there the instant the bus arrived, so that I, like a good mother, could cradle my daughter's trembling body in my arms as she sobbed that now she's ugly and hideous and no one will ever want to marry her. She's almost ten, remember. She really needs to start steppin' up that Husband Search.

I was totally prepared for a SuperMom Moment.

You Moms know what I mean - when the right thing to do comes to you instinctively and you feel like maybe you might actually know what you're doing with this Mom gig. Alerted by my acute SuperMom Senses, I was all set to swoop in and save the day. With a giant American flag waving behind me.

Maybe, after nearly ten years, I'm starting to get the hang of it. And best of all, it will almost certainly be witnessed by others, who will no doubt marvel at my parenting skills which clearly come so naturally to me. I should write a parenting book.

I could hear the bus approaching and I ran out to the lawn expecting to see Beebie shuffling up the sidewalk with a bloody towel in her mouth and tear streaks on her face. I was prepared to console her with words like "Oh, nobody will even notice!" and "It's what's on the inside that counts!" and "If your friends won't play with you anymore, then they're not good friends!" And other ridiculous crap that parents say to their ugly children. Hey, I know - my parents said it to me when I got a chicken pox scar on my nose (said scar still bothers me to this day, 25 years later).

Instead, off the bus bounded Beebie, skipping merrily and smiling from ear to ear. I checked her smile (as best I could from that distance) to see if there were any gaping holes in it. There weren't.

Oh my God! What happened, Beebie??? The bus people called me and told me you chipped your tooth! I was worried about you!

She told me she was making faces at people driving by, and she bumped her face on the window. It hurt, she cried, her gum bled a little, (anybody else fighting the urge to say Serves You Right For Bein' A Lil Shit?) and the bus driver thought somebody with absolutely no knowledge of the situation should call and worry me half to death for nothing.

Like I don't have enough to deal with.

Ok, I'm being somewhat facetious - I'm glad they called me, but DANG! They scared the crap outta me.

The Best Things In Life Are Free!

So I know you're dying to hear about our Free Dinner, arentcha?

Well, Dinner at the Child Safety Fair was rather impressive! We were served samples of Pasta Con Broccoli, Breaded Artichoke Hearts, Outback Steakhouse Bloomin' Onion, Pasta wth Shrimp and Scallops in a White Wine Sauce, and sandwiches from The Honey Baked Ham Store. Oh, and snowcones. Plus, many of the booths had candy and swag out for the kids. We wound up with a pretty good haul. Here's what we came home with.



Yes, I thought the DNA kits were kinda creepy too. They're not the Who's Yer Daddy DNA kits, though, cuz we're doin ok on that one. They're so you can swab your kid's cheek and keep a sample of their DNA in the freezer, should you ever need it. Man, it's a fucked up world, ain't it?

The highlight of the evening for me was The Fire Safety House, which is kinda like a trailer made to look like a small house (living room, kitchen and upstairs bedroom) so that kids can identify potential fire hazards. The demonstration was led by Officer Hottie, and at one point his cell phone rang and guess what his ringtone was? Only my total favorite song.

Back In Black

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I won't lie to ya, I flirted a tad with Officer Hottie. In front of my husband. I couldn't help myself. (C'mon - UNIFORM!!) R caught me and asked me afterwards if Officer Hottie would be nearly as hot without the uniform.

ANSWER: Yes. But the uniform reeeeeeeeally enhanced his hotness.

I asked Officer Hottie if ambulances are equipped with car seats, in case I ever needed to call 911 for myself if I was unable to drive. To my surprise, he said that yes, there is a car seat installed, plus they have an additional inflatable car seat. I told him about the time I had to pack the kids up and drive myself to the ER with a kidney infection on my birthday. He also mentioned that in a situation like that the responding officer might ask a neighbor to watch the kids, or as a last resort, an officer would stay there at the house with the kids.

Ummm... I'm pretty sure my neighbors have heard me scream at my kids about 500 times over the last 3 years. And I'll take my chances dragging the Apes to the ER before I'll let the 5-0 in this house, thankyaverymuch. But there y'all go - I obtained some potentially useful information for you. Just for y'all's edification.

All in all, I would highly recommend the Child Safety Fair as some high-quality free family entertainment. Here are some photos.

Here's Tito getting his fingerprints.




And there was a Petting Zoo! Who doesn't love a Petting Zoo?





The boys and I also went last week to Opening Day at Grants Farm. We got there right before it closed, and R and I each grabbed an Ape Boy and sprinted from the tram through the animal area ("Oh, look, guys - wave to the kangaroo!) to the beer window. Here's me enjoying my first free beer of the season.




And here's me, four days later, for my second free beer of the season. They haven't even been open a week and we've been twice. Damn straight.




Moving on, I agreed to participate in an interesting blog game with Sillyrabbit of the Knittyboards. The rules are as follows:

Want to play? Here’s the scoop:

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.


So, here are the questions posed to me by Sillyrabbit:

1. If you could go back in time and change one decision that you've made, what would it be?

I wish I could take back every Oreo I've ever eaten, since they probably make up about 80% of the composition of my fat ass.


2. What one thing would you refuse to buy from a dollar store, no matter how great a deal it was?

Condoms.


3. If you could have share a meal with anyone in the world, who would it be?

Tina Fey. She's cool and funny and down-to-earth, and she's a new mom, so we can talk about poop stories. Plus, she's really skinny, so she probably doesn't eat much. Maybe she'll give me some of her fries.


4. On what reality TV show would you most like to participate?

Easy - Big Brother. Because you can be surrounded by hot guys in swimsuits.


5. What one thing would you make illegal?

Stupidity. And bad yarn.


Let me know if you'd like to be interviewed by me. It might be fun.


There's some other stuff I should update you on.

Remember that job I was interviewing for? Well, I didn't get it. I'm bummed because I was hoping for some adult interaction and the extra cash, but it would have cut into my blogging time. So, it's fine. Whatever. Their loss.

Remember those jaggoffs who rent this house to us? We're still waiting to hear back from the owners if they'll agree to a six-month lease. So here's the email I sent Dingbat this morning (don't you love being Cc'ed on my emails?):

Following up - I think you spoke to R on the 10th regarding the possibility of a 6-month lease and you would need to run it by the homeowners. We've been offered a 6-month lease somewhere else but would prefer to stay here if the homeowners were agreeable to it. I just wanted to see if you'd heard anything from them yet so that we could plan accordingly. Two weeks have past and if they say no at this point it wouldn't really give us much time to move out.

And was I rude? No, I wasn't.

I'll keep you posted.


And remember how I was kinda hesitating about giving up my faboo manicures? The decision to rip off my fake nails was actually made for me. How convenient.



At least it didn't happen right after I'd had them done. And at least it didn't hurt when my pinky nail ripped off. But it did hurt when I ripped off the other nine myself. They look like shit.


Remember how I'm not buying yarn? I'm still doing really well on my yarn diet. My new favorite Yarn O' The Stash is Cascade Fixation. I made a couple of little projects yesterday that I'll show ya in the next couple of days. I think I might have designed something, but maybe not. I'm afraid to say I made up a pattern, because of OLPP's Fong Fallout, but maybe I'll do some research to see if what I made is truly original. And if not, well, who cares?

*Soundtrack of my Life*

I've seen this on other blogs and I finally found my missing MP3 player so I can do it too.


If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?

Directions:
1. Open your mp3 library
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press Play.
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the Next button.
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool.
7. Don’t skip songs.


My Movie:
1. Opening credits: That I Would Be Good by Alanis Morrissette
2. Waking up: Uncle F*cker by South Park Soundtrack
3. First day of school: I Want You Back by Jackson Five
4. Fight song: Big Ball's In Cowtown by Asleep At The Wheel
5. Breaking up: Today by Smashing Pumpkins
6. Happiness: Hard To Handle by Black Crowes
7. Life’s okay: I See Ya Baby (Shakin' That Ass) by Groove Armada
8. Mental breakdown: Try A Little Tenderness by Otis Redding
9. Driving: Hot In Herr by Nelly
10. Flashback: Yellow by Coldplay
11. Getting back together: Smooth by Santana
12. Wedding song: Leaving Las Vegas by Sheryl Crow
13. Birth of first child: Mother Popcorn by James Brown
14. Final battle scene: Loser by Beck
15. Death scene: Hair by Cowsills
16. Funeral song: Da Da Da by Trio
17. End credits: Mama Said Knock You Out! by LL Cool J (I swear it was random!!!)


I was very pleased with my soundtrack. Now I'm gonna have to go burn this CD... and write a screenplay to go along with it.

As the film opens, I'm hopeful that I would be good, but when I wake up to Terrence and Phillip, I can already see that the first day of school isn't going to go well. I see the guy that I met at the LL Cool J concert over the summer and we get into a fight because he met a new girl and I want him back. So when I remind him of how much I enjoyed acquainting myself with his Big Balls, he tells me I'm a skank and he never wants to talk to me again. After I smash a few pumpkins in angst, I realize that this is a turning point in my life...suddenly Today's the greatest day I've ever known. I get a complete makeover and find my inner badass, who is fiesty and hard to handle. I lose some weight and as I shake my firmly-toned ass in the mirror, I decide that life's really okay.

And then, I see my summer crush and his new girlfriend at a bookstore. They're reading the Kama Sutra while I'm reading a Low Fat Slow Cooker Cookbook which suggests that I Try a Little Tenderness. And as he and I make eye contact, I start to cry and run out of the store. I get in my car (the A/C's broken, so it's hot in therr), and I start to have sweet romantic flashbacks of hanging out in the yellow sun with the summer crush guy. After driving around for hours, I come home to find a rose, a card and a Santana CD on my doorstep. It's from Summer Crush Guy. Damn, he's so smooth. He's decided I'm the only girl for him and he wants to marry me. Like, tomorrow. Inside the card is an airplane ticket and a note. The flight leaves in an hour. I don't need to bring anything but the clothes on my back, just meet him in Vegas, and then we'll leave together as husband and wife.

Nine months to the day later, out pops our first born child - James. I'm not sure what the Final Battle scene entails, but somehow I lose it (Duh, I'm a Loser, baby, so why don't ya kill me?) and die by being strangled to death by my own Hair, just as my son is speaking his first words, Da Da Da.

And as the credits roll, my husband is telling our son about how he and I met at the LL Cool J concert.

The theatergoers leave in tears.
There's early buzz of Oscar Nominations.

And the title of the film?
MP3 Shuffle.

Time for Another Long Post.

But first, a big wet sloppy smooch to Pam for pimping my blog for me! MMMMMMWAH!!

So remember April 15th, the date when we had to let Evilite Property Management know if we were planning to stay or go? Five days prior, my husband R called them to ask if the homeowners might consider putting us on a six-month lease. This is obviously the ideal scenario, but I hadn't really considered it as a possibility, as it would require Evilite to do something to make our lives easier.

It's important to note two things here - First, The Dingbat (the one who starts every email with "OK.") is reeeeeeeally nice to R. A lot of people I can't stand are disgustingly sweet to my husband. The Church Nazi is a prime example. Ever since the time she dragged R out of church by the ear because Tito was screaming bloody murder, she's been sweet as pie to him. She's that icky fake-sweet to me. And not like Equal or Splenda, like that nasty Old School Sweet N' Low. Like taking a sip of your mom's TAB when you were a kid - and gagging shortly thereafter.

Second, the only time they pick up the damn phone is when we *67 to block our Caller ID.

So Dingbat was really pleasant when R *67'ed and spoke to her last Tuesday. He told them that we might be transferred out of town when he gets a new job he's applied for, and we've been great tenants for years and we were just wondering if they ever did six-month leases. She very politely offered to contact the homeowners (who live in Colorado) to ask them and let us know. We even said we'd be willing to pay a bit more in rent.

We haven't heard a word. We even called last Saturday again to follow-up, and Dingbat said she hadn't gotten in touch with the homeowners yet. Technically, we haven't even heard if they're planning to rent this property at all. We haven't signed a lease renewal form. We don't know if there's been a rent increase. Nuthin.

So I'm concerned now that April 15th has come and gone and we have no idea where the homeowners stand on how long our next lease will be and how much rent will they charge us. What if they come back and decide they'll only do a one-year lease, and what if they decide to jack up the rent? Will our move-out deadline still be May 15th? We won't have time to move anywhere else if they opt to screw us like that.

If they do, I will move out, and I will fight to get 30 days from the date that they eventually freakin tell us what the hell is going on. Cuz we held up our part of the deal. God, I can't WAIT to not have to deal with these douchebags anymore.

So to encourage myself to save some money, I got this Jean Chatzky book which talks about The Latte Factor - the little things you buy (say, maybe $3 a day) that you don't really need that add up to an amount you should be saving.

And would you like to know what personal sacrifices I am making in order to help achieve our homebuying goal? I'm giving up some of my favorite things.

#1: Believe it or not, YARN. I haven't bought yarn since my sock class, which was on Mardi Gras, February 20th. And that time I only bought one skein. Here's a pic of the sock. This may be the closest I ever get to making a pair of socks.



Before that, the last yarn I bought was for the sweater class four or five weeks prior. Looks pretty much the same as it did the last time I posted a pic of it, doesn't it?



I actually think I can do it. I cut back before I went cold turkey, and I made it through Lent. I've been knitting from stash yarn for the last several weeks, and I actually get a rush out of perusing my stash for the yarn for whatever my next project du jour is.

Here are a couple of my stash yarn projects:



Look right below my sensational boobs. See the pink sash? I made that out of a single skein of pink bamboo and I got the shirt at Goodwill and cut it up to be cool. I felt just like Molly Ringwald in Pretty In Pink.



Here's a variation of the Booga Bag, a pattern that I love because they're quick and easy and they make really great gifts. I love being friends with non-crafty people. They're easily impressed. They like Fun Fur, for Christ's sake. That must be how Lion Brand stays in business. Real knitters aren't using it to make stuff for themselves, I don't think.

Oh, that reminds me. I crafted a scarf for a co-worker of my mom's out of that Red Heart fake mohair and boa yarn. The fake mohair was kinda greyish-white and looked like dog hair. I should have taken a picture of it, because words really can't capture its true heinousness. Mom's co-worker LOVED it. She wanted to pay me for it. I declined. Seriously, just remembering what it looked like makes me shudder.




And then of course there's the Magic Stripes Necktie I'm making for the same Sexy Local Meteorologist who wore the Nosewarmer I made him on the air. This one's taking me a while to make because this is my tote-along project that I always have in my purse. I thought that toting it along would provide me with plenty of opportunities to work on it, and it really hasn't happened like that. I think I actually have less waiting time whenever I carry along something to DO.

It's kinda like why I'll never get rid of the crutches we've had for 10 years. As long as I have them in the garage, I can pretty much guarantee that nobody I know will break their leg. But anyway...same principle.



Yesterday I was going to go to Michael's to get some black ribbon for Beeb's Mark Twain costume (which I can't even WAIT to show you, it's so freakin cool), but then I remembered I had some black yarn left from the Booga Bag I made, and I made her an I-cord necktie. I felt like a Bezzilicious thrifty knitting genius.

I decided that if there was something we needed that I could knit (like a case for the camera), I would try to make it. I'm going to make the kids hats for the Renaissance Faire next month. I think I have seen patterns in New Knits on the Block and Folk Hats.



And I'm also making a shrug out of Malabrigo. Yes, those are Namaste needles. (I said I wasn't going to buy YARN - needles and patterns don't count) I bought some Namaste needles from an LYS that had them for 50% off. I don't know if I'm missing the point of them (other than that they look totally cool) but I don't think glass needles are really any faster than the Addis I've been using for other projects.

I truly want to see how long I can go without buying yarn. I think I can go six months, which means I can buy yarn on August 20th (which happens to be FIL's birthday, come to think of it). If there is a certain yarn I need, I will first attempt to trade stash yarn for it. I will then shamelessly beg.

If that doesn't work, I may have to resort to offering sexual favors for yarn. But it better be some DAMN good yarn. I'll be next to Bezzie and her "Will Knit for Food" sign on the street corner.

My sign will say "Will Blow for Malabrigo".

Bezz, if we stick together, we'll never go hungry.


#2: GARAGE/ESTATE/RUMMAGE SALES. I am hereby forbidding myself to go to garage sales. I've talked to the kids about this, and they seem to be on board. I may crack and attend a church rummage sale (gotta support the church!), but I think if I cut impulsive garage and estate sale shopping out of my budget, I might see a difference in our financial picture. Plus, the less shit I buy, the less I'll have to move.


#3: BEER. I figure that's about $20 a month. The boys have enough bottle caps in their treasure box.


#4: I haven't fully commited to this but - MANICURES. As much as I love having beautiful nails, $30 a month is $30 a month.


So hopefully, these four sacrifices will make a significant impact on our ability to sock some money away for home-purchasing expenses. Meanwhile, we're enjoying ourselves while we max out on as much free stuff as possible. Scroll back up to the pic of the pink bamboo sash right below my sensational boobs. That was from yesterday - Free Cone Day at Ben and Jerry's.

Prior to Free Cone Day (which we called "lunch"), we picked up a color TV from a fellow Freecycler. So now the kids can watch TV in the basement.

Today I cashed in $30 from our change jar so that we could purchase a Grant's Farm Parking Pass and drink more than $30 worth of free beer before the park closes for the winter.

For dinner this evening, we're going to a Child ID (photos & fingerprints) event. The promotional signs we saw advertising it promised free admission and free food. If we're still hungry, we can always go to Sam's Club... they have a great buffet.

More quizzes!

Because I know you love them. And you know I love you.

You Are 88% Tortured Genius

You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood. Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island.

Are You a Tortured Genius?

You Are Elektra

There's really no superhero with more style than you. Because who could beat being sexy assasin ninja?

What Superhero Are You?

Given this new insight, it's kind of ironic that every single time I (Elektra the Tortured Genius) go to open one of those cylinders of refrigerated biscuit dough, I jump and scream the instant it pops open. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Sometimes I even pee my pants a little.

It's almost enough to make me want to learn crochet.

The Anticraft Rules.

But personally, I would have added FunFur. Cuz I'm all about realism.

I will now share with you one of my proudest moments as a parent.

Some days, it kinda sucks to be a parent. Like that week two years ago when Tito had the Rotavirus. UGH.

But other days, you can't get enough of the little bastards.

Beebie came home from school yesterday and announced that she knew something that nobody else in her class knew.

A statement like that should make any parent wonder what they've taught their child, either intentionally or unintentionally, that his or her peers (READ: NORMAL CHILDREN) might not have been taught by their parents.

Examples of things that my kids know that other kids might not:

If your goldfish starts swimming upside down, feed it some mooshed-up frozen peas.

Don't put kitty litter on the floor of your car.

Hairspray should go on your head only.

Believe it or not, you CAN buy a pumpkin in December.

Sometimes Mommy's medicine makes her feel better, and sometimes it makes her feel worse.

Sometimes it's fun to meet strangers from the internet.

It's important to wear cool underpants.

If you throw up in middle of the night, call MOM. Dad is useless.

Sometimes grownups laugh when you read magazine covers out loud in a store.

If you wipe the ice cream sandwich gunk from your fingers on the bathroom wall, eventually it will go away.

(Please note that I'm not saying you're a bad parent if you haven't taught your kids these things.)


Beebie described the event to me, and what follows is how I visualized it:

Beeb's Teacher: Ok, class, today we are going to talk about Famous Missourians.

Class: YAAAAY!

Beeb's Teacher: Now let's see, who can tell me who Mark Twain was?

Kid #1: I assume you're referring to Samuel Langhorne Clemens. He is one of America's most famous writers, and he grew up in Hannibal, which is about two hours north of here. The characters in his novels Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn were based on kids he knew in Hannibal.

Beeb's Teacher: Excellent! And does anyone know who Molly Brown was?

Kid #2: (scoffs) Her real name was Margaret Brown. Nobody really called her Molly until after she died.

Kid #3: Uh - HUH! Haven't you ever heard of The Unsinkable Molly Brown? They called her that because they couldn't sink her!

Kid #2: No, you idiot, that's just what they called her in the newspapers after she helped rescue a whole bunch of people on the Titanic. She got them into the lifeboats and she made even the women help row all the way to the Carpathia.

Then she helped prepare lists of all the survivors, and she even collected money to help those less fortunate among the surviving passengers and crew. She was even awarded the French Legion of Honour shortly before her death for her "overall good citizenship" including her relief work in France after World War I, her efforts for Titanic survivors, and her activism and philanthropy at home in America.

Kid #1: Kissass.

Beebie's Teacher: Very impressive! Now who can tell me who Adolphus Busch was?

Silence.

Beebie's Teacher: Anyone?

Beebie: Oh! I know!

He's one of the founders of Anheuser Busch! He and his family moved from Germany in the 1800's and Adolphus married Lily Anheuser and went into the beer-making business with her dad. And that's why it's called Anheuser Busch!

Beebie's Teacher: (whispers) Ummmmm, honey? Where did you learn all that?

Beebie: My mom and dad took us to the Budweiser Brewery. It smelled weird.

Beebie's Teacher: Your parents took you and your little brothers to a BREWERY?

Beebie: Well, yeah... it's a famous local tourist attraction. And there was this one part that was really cold, and this other part that was really hot. And my mom wore this really ugly thing that she knitted...

Kids #1, 2 and 3: Your parents drink... beer???

Beebie: Mostly just my mom. She likes Bud Select. She drinks it pretty much every day. She can hardly wait for Grant's Farm to open because they give out free beer there. It's pretty sweet.

(End Scene)


Yes, I was extremely proud that my daughter knew who Adolphus Busch was and why he is considered a famous Missourian. She may not know all of the state capitals, but she can name the entire family of Budweiser products.


Later that night, I discovered that my boys have been playing Pirate Treasure with a shoebox and a whole bunch of Bud Select bottle caps inside it.

Is it wrong to think that's funny?