Pie: Hey, Mom?
Me: Yeah, buddy?
Pie: Am I allowed to say "What the hell?"
Me: I would prefer that you didn't. It's kinduva grownups-only thing to say. It's rather inappropriate for a five-year-old like you.
Pie: But I can still say "Friggin", right?
Me: Um, I guess...
Pie: Well then, I can hardly wait until I'm old enough to say "FRIGGIN HELL!!"
Update #1
Get this -
The boys go back to school this morning and so last night I quizzed Pie about what he did over Spring Break. Read the previous post to familiarize yourself with the convenient summary of what we actually did over Spring Break.
Me: Hey, Pie, what are you going to tell your teachers and your friends you did on your vacation?
Pie: I'm gonna tell them I sat around on my ARSE.
He didn't say "ass", he said "arse". Arse is way funnier.
I nearly shite myself. I guess I should be glad he didn't think to tell his class that his parents took him to the Liquor Store.
Update #2
Check Out My Brackets!
Really, apart from Texas totally screwing me, I didn't do too bad. I want a cut of whatever you won in your office pool.
Update #3
And I didn't mention it before because I wasn't sure I was going to succeed, but I have, thus far, managed to give up buying yarn for Lent. I did purchase two magazines and two sets of needles so as to use up some of the yarn that I already have in my stash, however. And I still haven't finished either of the projects from the two classes I took.
The sweater shell - oh, man. It came out HUGE. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big girl, but I'm swimmin' in this thing. And my seaming skills completely suck. And the sock, while it sucks less, still sucks. I do feel more confident that I could complete the sock than the shell, but there was an error in the pattern and if I really was going to complete both socks I'd prefer to frog the one I've already started and start over so it's right.
So I spent $35 on each class plus about $60 in yarn. $130 on two items currently sitting unfinished in my kickass Lexie Barnes Bag. Knitting sure is an expensive hobby.
Update #4
R is almost done wtih his Advanced Technical Training program! He's only got three classes left. This will mean that he can apply for a tech job with a better salary and hopefully better hours, and he won't have to be on the phones with cranky customers all day. Be nice to the people you talk to in Customer Service, please - you just might be talking to my husband. Those people go home to their own drama at the end of the day too.
Last week R learned that his department was merging with another department, so, for an instant, it looked as though he might be off on Saturdays. It's still possible, we won't know for a while, but the good news is that his new hours won't conflict with his completing his program. He was really worried about that.
Update #5
I was just kidding about voting for Sanjaya 90,000 times. IT'S NOT MY FAULT he's still around! What the EFF was up with that mohawk? Yick! Y'know who I love? BLAKE. And Melinda. And Gina impressed me last night too. Phil Stacey's eyebrows creep me out.
I also love Dancing with the Stars. Why does that show suck me in every single time? I keep telling myself that I'm not going to commit myself to one more show, but Apolo Anton Ohno... I just... he's hot. Laila Ali is an excellent dancer and she's got a incredible bod. Maybe I could be a boxer. Or maybe I could eat Cadbury Mini Eggs until I gain enough weight to qualify for gastric bypass surgery.
Update #6
Am I an alcoholic? I don't ever get drunk, but I do like to have one beer with my dinner most nights. Rarely will I have two beers in an evening. We bought a case of Bud Select at Sam's and I drank 90% of it myself. And when I realized it was gone, I made a special trip to go out to buy more.
Again, I must emphasize that it's one beer maybe 4 times a week, and maybe one of those four times I'll have two, spaced out over five hours. I never, ever get drunk. Still, I'm extremely concerned about this due to a genetic predisposition. I've never thought of myself as much of a drinker but I actually really like the taste of beer. It's funny - I've always thought of myself as Marge Simpson, but now I'm leaning towards Homer.
Update #7
This morning, I had to sign a permission slip so Beebie could watch a video about PUBERTY. Ugh. I'm sure many uncomfortable conversations are just around the corner.
Stay tuned.
Update #8
I spent $60 at Goodwill yesterday. I got a LOT, including some shorts, which the boys both desperately needed (this is when I love having them close together - I can buy something knowing that will probably fit one or the other of them), Beebie some shirts which she semi-desperately needed, and myself an Easter dress. I even found one with a delicately plunging neckline just in case we run into R's boob-staring cousin after I've toyed with the priests.
Bad Penny! Tee hee!
After a week or so goes by between posts I feel like I have to write something meaty and substantial for you to gnaw on until next time. So here y'all go:
Today after R and I picked up the boys at school, I asked about their days and which of their friends they played with. Tito listed the names of several of the boys in his class, and I asked him, just out of curiosity, if he ever played with any of the girls.
He said he didn't like playing with the girls because they don't like to play cars and trucks like he does. But, according to Tito, there is one little girl named Madison in his class who always wants to play with him, so based (I assume) on her unrequited devotion, Tito reluctantly concluded that Madison was his girlfriend.
Then Pie said, "So, Tito... is Madison your... Luuuhhhve Puppet?"
Love Puppet. The child said LOVE PUPPET.
Pie is five years old. I assure you, he didn't hear it from me.
Not only is the word choice hilarious enough, but he also said it in a voice that made me wonder if it might have been what Barry White's voice sounded like when he was five years old. I nearly soiled myself laughing.
And one of my favorite things about my little boys is when they collaborate to figure out a way that they can play together and both play whatever character they want to be. For example, Harry Potter often visits the Island of Sodor. Today they told me they were playing The Puppies of Narnia.
And, while I was in another room, I overheard someone saying "Wellllcome to zee island, mon!" in a comically exaggerated stereotypical Jamaican voice. I thought it was the TV, but upon further investigation, I discovered that it was Pie. I have no idea what the context was, but I think I'm going to have to dig up some Bob Marley and Barry White CD's.
Moving on, I shall now list (in no particular order) some people who totally effin' rock. And this is by no means an all-inclusive list - meaning, that just because you don't see your name on this list, please don't take that to mean that you don't totally effin' rock. If you're cool enough to read this blog, well then, you clearly have excellent taste and clearly (by my standards, anyway) that makes you pretty damn cool yourself. So don't sweat it.
#1 Dan Zanes. The guy on Playhouse Disney. I have invested in three of his CD's - Catch That Train, Night Time and House Party - and I LOVE them. They're eclectic and multi-cultural and fun and I never get sick of them. The kiddos like them too, but I'd listen to them even if they didn't. Highly recommended. My favorite song is his duet of Waltzing Matilda with Debbie Harry of Blondie. See? That's the kind of stuff I love.
#2 Dylan. The kid from Dylan's Couch. He's my new favorite internet diversion, other than Knitty, of course. I found his work by accident on YouTube recently. If I'd had YouTube as a creative outlet when I was twelve years old, the world might be a vastly different place. Check him out. He's hilarious. Hilarious. Hilarious.
#3 Poops. I'm pretty sure Poops can knit anything. She's my knitting hero. I asked her for something very specific that would require some research and creativity on her part, and she rocked it. I'm not gonna tell you what it is until after Saturday, when I will take some Action Shots of me putting her creation to good use. There's a clue in there somewhere.
#4 Entrelac. She makes these non-dangly stich markers that the Knittyboard has been raving about, so these were the prizes awarded to the three Playahz who won the Oscar Party contest. Here's where you can score some for yourself or, if you're not a knitter, for The Knitter in Your Life. Trust me, if you're not a knitter, you can't fully appreciate how important it is to have good stich markers.
#5 Beebie. I am so proud of her. First quarter, she had nine assignments turned in late. Second quarter, she had ten. That's not the part I'm proud of. They just finished third quarter, and she had NO late assignments! I don't know how she turned it around, but she sure did, without bribes or threats of punishment. I'm hopeful that she's seeing hard work as its own reward as well as the connection between completing the homework assignments and performing well on the tests. I'm going to have to reward her somehow. I was thinking of letting her pierce her ears.
So, let me update you on some other stuff. Remember the job I interviewed for? I still haven't heard back, but I'm not giving up hope until I get a rejection letter. I've done a whole lot of research to see how much full-time child care will cost, and I think I can still come out ahead if I can get the salary I want. Plus, the child care costs would be less after next year anyway when Tito goes to kindergarten. Worthy of note - the boys have been behaving especially well, now that I'm thinking of not being home with them during the day. Figures.
Oh, and I should tell you something else I remembered about the interview. I was in a room with two women and one man who looked a lot like Matthew Broderick. They were looking over my stellar resume and one of the women asked me what I did at one of my former employers, a company with the word Pearson in it. Matthew Broderick Guy looked at my resume again and said "What?? Oh (chuckle), I thought you said something about PIERCING..."
For a brief instant, I entertained the thought of revealing some horribly inappropriate personal information about myself. And you KNOW what I'm talkin' about. But instead I said something like, "Well, if I could stick people with a needle without throwing up, I probably would have been a nurse."
So I'm waiting to hear back about this job. Meanwhile, the House Hunt is in full swing. R and I have looked at a whole bunch of houses within the school district that we're living in now, so that Beeb can continue in its Gifted Program and I can continue to make the parents of blood-related Non-Gifted children feel inferior. It's such fun.
While we were out looking at houses yesterday, we looked at one that was currently under contract and the woman who lived there was home when we got there. Right after she introduced herself as Cindy, she said I looked familiar to her. I realized that she used to cut my hair. Remember what a hard time I have finding people to cut it and actually stay at their place of employment for a while? Well, she doesn't cut hair anymore. She's an ER nurse now.
Anyway, years ago, when I had just turned 21, I was working in a library, which was one of my favorite jobs I've ever had. One day when I was working, a charming young man came up to the desk to check something out, we started chatting and hit it off right away, and he asked me out.
Hours before he was supposed to pick me up, I asked my sister - WHO IS NOT A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL - to trim my bangs. She did. And she actually did an acceptable job.
And then she decided that I needed layers.
Put your index and middle finger next to each other, then place them perpendicular to the top of your head. THAT's how short my top layer was.
I looked like a fucking Q-tip. It was HORRIBLE.
I was this close to calling the guy and coming up with some bogus excuse why I couldn't go out that night other, but I was afraid he wouldn't ask me out again and it could take months for this disasterous coiffure to grow out.
So the guy came to pick me up. And rather than pretending that I was totally into my ridiculous 'do, I immediately broke down and confessed that I had allowed my genius sister to have her way with my hair. He could have been a real dick and said something like "Oh, um... I just remembered I left the stove on..." and bolted, but, to his credit, he said, "It doesn't look bad, it looks sophisticated!" Cuz he was THAT kind of a good guy.
Wasn't that sweet? He and I hung out for a while, but it was really more of a fun friends thing than a Love Connection, and then I moved away for three years and moved back and married R, but I never forgot that he'd been nice enough to spare my feelings when it really mattered.
And I recently saw a picture of him on another local knitter's blog and while I didn't tell her that exact story (because I'd forgotten about it until now), I did confirm to her that her boyfriend T is a class act.
But here's the kicker - the woman in the house that we were looking at was the very one who fixed my hair after my sister destroyed it. That's what made me think of it.
Small world, no? That's St. Louis for ya.
In knitting news, I'm still working on the tank I made in the last class I took. I WILL figure out the neckline! SO HELP ME GOD! And, I'm also putzing with My Very First Sock! I've had to start over on it probably fifty times but I am determined to get it.
My parents are coming up next week while R and the apes are home for Spring Break.
The Easter Brunch plans will be with the Inlaws, Lexi, and Aldis at The Club, in a private room. Last year Aldigirl ate an entire plate of bacon.
And it's March Madness, baybeeee!!! Here is my bracket:
As a Big 12 alum, I had to go with at least one Big 12 team in the finals, and as a Missouri alum, it can NOT be Kansas.
Use it in your office pool if you want. I make no guarantees.
And finally, kids, I'll reward anyone who's read this far with a few Semi-Scandalous Confessions:
#1: We ordered 8 boxes (that's $24 worth) of Girl scout cookies from Aldigirl. We picked them up last Saturday. There is one full box left. I kinda hate how the timing of Swimsuit Season coincides with both Girl Scout Cookie Season and Cadbury MiniEgg Season. It's a heinous conspiracy, I swear.
#2: It has been brought to my attention that I use my boobs when knitting with DPN's (non-knitter translation - Double Point Needles). I usually knit in a reclining position on my bed - not really laying down, not really sitting up. Apparently I poke the DPN into the right boob to move the right needle up through the stitch I'm working, and I use the left boob to steady the left needle when I move the stitches up. That would explain all the tiny little bruises under my bra.
#3: I've been shopping at Aldi almost exclusively for the last month or two. Not because the Aldis talked me into it, but because Anti-Stella did. I should have put Anti-Stella on the list of people who rock, but I'm sure I've mentioned it before.
#4: Oh, by the way, I've still got an assload of Simple Green.
#5: I voted for SANJAYA ninety thousand times. And I'm gonna do it again.
But first, real quick - Here's what Pie said to me yesterday:
Hey Mom... I know another word for Naked.
Oh really? What?
NUDED.
And did you know that it's impossible for a woman to have three boobs?
Well, I've certainly never seen it.
And boys don't get to have boobs. They just have Nibbles.
That's actually funnier as I see it written out.
Moving on - I haven't forgotten the Online Oscar Party!
Here are the nominees:
Best Picture:
Babel
The Departed
Letters From Iwo Jima
Little Miss Sunshine
The Queen
Best Actor:
Leonardo DiCaprio - Blood Diamond
Ryan Gosling - Half Nelson
Peter O'Toole - Venus
Will Smith - The Pursuit Of Happyness
Forest Whitaker - The Last King Of Scotland
Best Actress:
Penélope Cruz - Volver
Judi Dench - Notes On A Scandal
Helen Mirren - The Queen
Meryl Streep - The Devil Wears Prada
Kate Winslet - Little Children
Best Director:
Clint Eastwood - Letters From Iwo Jima
Stephen Frears - The Queen
Alejandro Gonzalez Iñárritu - Babel
Paul Greengrass - United 93
Martin Scorsese - The Departed
Best Supporting Actor:
Alan Arkin - Little Miss Sunshine
Jackie Earle Haley - Little Children
Djimon Hounsou - Blood Diamond
Eddie Murphy - Dreamgirls
Mark Wahlberg - The Departed
Best Supporting Actress:
Adriana Barraza - Babel
Cate Blanchett - Notes On A Scandal
Abigail Breslin - Little Miss Sunshine
Jennifer Hudson - Dreamgirls
Rinko Kikuchi - Babel
Best Animated Feature Film:
Cars
Happy Feet
Monster House
Best Adapted Screenplay:
Borat
Children Of Men
The Departed
Little Children
Notes On A Scandal
Best Original Screenplay:
Babel
Letters From Iwo Jima
Little Miss Sunshine
Pan's Labyrinth
The Queen
Best Foreign Film:
After The Wedding
Days Of Glory (Indigènes)
The Lives Of Others
Pan's Labyrinth
Water
Best Cinematography:
The Black Dahlia
Children Of Men
The Illusionist
Pan's Labyrinth
The Prestige
Email me (there's a lil linkiepoo in the side bar under my profile) or IM me your picks before 3pm CST on Sunday, and there will be a prize for the Biggest Wiener! I mean, the person who gets the most right.
And don't forget to submit a pic of yourself in your Red Carpet Attire, if you dare!
