I wasn't going to write about Tuesday.

But now I kinda have to. And I have to write about Wednesday. And today.

Tuesday morning at about 11, I got a call from Buffy. From the way her voice sounded, my immediate thought was that someone was dead. I wish I could recreate in writing what it sounded like, but the closest I can come is that it reminded me of when Linda Blair says "Your mother sucks cocks in Hell" in the Exorcist, only she was whispering.

Basically, she was sick, she needed to get to a doctor, her husband was working, and she couldn't drive herself. I said I'd go pick her up as soon as Tito got picked up for school. So I packed my knitting (thank GOD I had the presence of mind to do that) showed up at her house at about 1. And when she answered the door, she looked like she'd been sucking cocks in Hell for about two days. She was clearly very, very sick.

She didn't have an actual appointment, but she had called her doctor's office and they were going to try to "work her in" at around 2. We got there at about 1:20 and they put us in a room right away. But I knew better than to be encouraged by that.

Buffy told me she'd gone to an Urgent Care in Springfield the day before, where they told her she had Strep Throat and gave her antibiotics. She wasn't feeling better and her throat hurt so bad she couldn't eat or drink anything, so she was severely dehydrated.

You may remember that Strep and I have a bit of a history. I asked her if she'd had Gatorade or Propel, which is my standard treatment for the Strep I've dealt with six times in the last year or so. She hadn't. I went to the hospital snack bar and brought her back two bottles of Gatorade. I'm nice.

She asked me to see if I could find her a blanket. The nurse asked if I was Buffy's girlfriend. Um, no, just tryin to help a sister out. Got a fuckin blanket, Anita Bryant?

The doctor came in at about 2:30, wrote her two prescriptions and said to take her to Intubation in the other hospital building where they'd give her fluids for two hours. That was fine, I called to let Beeb know where I was, no big deal. I got her to the Intubation place (which smelled like salsa and B.O.), and sat there while they got her hooked up. Needles and IV's totally ick me out.

She asked if I would mind running down to the hospital pharmacy and getting her prescription filled. Sure, I said. Better than sitting here.

So I walked back to the other building and waited while I got only one of the two prescriptions filled. They told me they didn't have the other one. Um, isn't this a HOSPITAL??

I figured maybe they just had a run on whatever the fuck it was, so I'd just offer to go somewhere else to get it. When I got back and handed her both the bottle of pills that they gave me and the paper for they said they couldn't fill, and she said -

Oh, that's the MORPHINE. That's the one I reeeeeeeally neeeeeeeeded...

Morphine. Cuz she's allergic to both Vicodin and Percoset.

So I figured my choices were stay there and listen to her moan, or try to get my hands on some Morphine. Instantly the immortal words of NWA ran through my mind - "You know who the fuck I am? This bitch is tryin to gank me. Imma slap ya upside the head wit nine inchesa limp dick!!" It's from DOPEMAN, if you're not familiar.

I went to the closest 24-hour Walgreens, armed with Buffy's credit card, her ID, and her insurance card. I don't know how tough it is to score Morphine for yourself, but imagine trying to get it for someone who isn't you when you can't answer the questions the pharmacist is asking.

Ma'am, do you know what this is for?

Um, no, not really. It's for my friend who's at the hospital.

Why didn't the doctor just give it to her there?

No, no, she hasn't been admitted or anything, she's in for Strep and she's really dehydrated, and she's in immense pain, and she can't take Percoset or Vicodin and they've got her hooked up to IV fluids and whatnot...

Are you aware that this is a VERY. UNUSUAL. CONCENTRATION?

I'm not aware of anything, dude, I'm just trying to be a nice person, and the hospital pharmacy didn't have it, so that's why I'm here.

Well, we don't have it either.

Look... is there ANY way you could call the doctor's office to see if there's any alternative that you DO have that would work? Cuz there is NO WAY I'm going back there without her pain meds.

There I was, on the verge of tears, and it wasn't even my drama. Long story short, they eventually called the doctor and got something so I didn't have to return to Buffy empty-handed. I texted Buffy to see if she wanted me to bring her food, hoping she'd say Shit yeah, I'm starving, and get something for yourself too... but she didn't want anything.

I got back to the hospital at around 5. Buffy wasn't done yet. I knew that Perfect Baby needs to be picked up from the day care by 6. Good thing we'd brought the car seat, just in case.

I gave Buffy the meds, and she asked if I could get her some juice because liquid Morphine tastes really bad. The nurse asked me if I was Buffy's girlfriend.

We got out of there at 5:30 and headed to get Perfect Baby. Buffy had called to tell them I was coming, so picking her up was no problem. I dropped Buffy off at 6:30, and told her, "Hey, just give me a call if you need anything", hoping it came across in the kind of way like when you're saying goodbye to someone you don't give two shits about and you're just trying to be polite.


At about 7:15 Wednesday morning, before I was even out of bed, Beebie sent me a text message from her phone asking me to bring her yearbook up to the school for Yearbook Signing. She didn't tell me where it was, so the actual request was Mom, could you spend an hour turning the house upside down, then bring me my yearbook.

I also had to locate a bunch of little trinkets and Happy Meal prize-type stuff for Tito to take for his class' Garage Sale. We were supposed to bring them to school priced, in 10-cent increments.

While I was in the process of turning the house upside down, I found Pie's overdue/assumed lost library book that I'd paid $13 for the day before.

I got Tito's stuff done, emailed the librarian and dropped the book off at the school(and got my check back), and dropped off Beeb's yearbook. Then after Tito got on the school bus, I was about to eat leftover spaghetti - oh, yeah, when I got home after spending 6 hours as Buffy's Bitch, I still managed to make spaghetti for dinner - and then I remembered that Rip was moving into his new house that day, so I thought I'd take some spaghetti over and we could eat lunch together.

The movers had broken Rip's microwave. So there went that idea.

So I'm helping him get his stuff unpacked and moved around, and while I was cleaning his refrigerator and telling him about the 6-hour Buffy ordeal, my phone rang.

Have I told you what her ringtone is? It's Queen, UNDER PRESSURE. Appropriate?

She needed to get to the hospital for a CT scan.

Now?

Anytime before they close at 5. (It was 3.)

Ok...

Oh, and I'd also need to you pick up Perfect Baby.

Well, I've got dinner plans tonight so what would be easiest for me would be to come get you now, drop you off, go and get Perfect Baby and drop her off with Princeton...

Oooooh, I was kinda hoping you could get her as close to 6 as possible, because Dummy's working and Princeton would have to take care of her all by himself, and I don't want to put too much on Princeton.

(And yet, she has no issue with fucking up MY day.)

What would make the most sense to me would be for me to (drop everything and) come get you now...

(sigh) Ok, yeah, I guess that'll be fine.

So that's exactly what I did. I immediately left Rip's house. I went and got Buffy and PB's car seat, and took her to the hospital. On our walk through the parking lot, Buffy suddenly stopped walking and started to cry:

Sarah, I just need to have a breakdown... I am in SO MUCH PAIN... And I still have to be strong and be The Mom because Dummy has no clue how to run the house... And I just can't do it. I can't.

I really wanted to say Oh really? What's that like??? Cuz right now I'm neglecting my kids and I'm fucking sick of taking care of you and everyone else and I haven't had time to eat or even PEE today and I'm kinda wishing I could have a breakdown too, but I'm being strong so YOU can have YOURS. You need to lighten the fuck up on your standards at home, is what you really need to do...

But I didn't. I hugged her. I think I was secretly hoping I'd catch Strep so I could make her MY bitch next week.

I dropped her off, took PB to Princeton, remembered we needed milk and I hadn't had a chance to the grocery store, and called Beebie. I told her that if she got her brothers ready, I'd come home and pick them up and take them to get Cheapie Sodas at Mobil On The Run because the Cardinals scored 8 the night before. Then I was going to fix the kids dinner and get them bathed and jammie-fied before I left for the evening.

We were at Shoplift N' Save when I heard PRESH-AH!! PUSHIN DOWN ON ME... Fuckin fanTASTic.

Hello?

Hi. I got done sooner than I thought and Dummy's at work for a few more hours, is there any way...

Buffy, I'm at the grocery store with the kids right now, and I need to get them home and feed them and head to the city for dinner.

And then I felt like a dick, so I added, If you can't find anyone else, then I'll try to work something out, but I've really kinda got stuff goin on...

Ok, I'll see if the neighbor can come get me...

This would be the neighbor whom she talked to before we left to make sure she'd be home when I drop PB off with Princeton. So she's using her backup, leaving her with no backup if there was something Princeton needed.

I felt like an absolute asshole for leaving her in a bind like that, but fuck, I was looking forward to going to the Iron Barley with Kev. I didn't hear back from her. And I didn't call her to make sure she had a ride.

And the Iron Barley was closed when Kev and I got there. I was so pissed. But Kev's really cool about just letting me just unload emotionally when I need to, and I went home feeling much better. Ambiguity intended.


So this morning at about 9, my mom called. I told her of the last two days of being at Buffy's beck and call. And I know I'm a douche for complaining about it. I should re-emphasize the fact that Buffy is really seriously very sick, and that she and Dummy have no family in town, and that her husband is technically unemployed and so he works odd jobs whenever he can get them and he needs to be at work, especially if Buffy's not at work. And she tells me how much she appreciates me.

Still, taking care of her for two days had taken a physical and emotional toll on me. It wasn't like I had missed a manicure appointment or something for myself; I could have dealt with that. I was putting off household things that I don't relish doing. The everyday things I needed to do - like laundry, dishes, and vacuuming, for example - weren't getting done.

And at that point, my family was becoming affected. Plus I had burned through more than half a tank of gas shuttling her and PB about. I was starting to get bitter.

And literally five minutes after I got off the phone with my mom,

PRESH-AH!!! PUSHIN DOWN ON ME... FUCK.

Hey, how are you doing?

Oh, hey, Sarah, it's Dummy. They kept Buffy overnight and now they're saying she can go home, but the only thing is that I have a job I need to get to...

Ok, I can come get her, no problem. What time?

Well, that's the thing... she's waiting to see an ENT so it might be a little bit.

That's fine, just have her call me when she's ready to go.

Thank you!

Not a problem.

I had a couple of errands to run, so I took a shower, got dressed and went to Trader Joe's. While I was in the parking lot,

PRESH-AH!!

Hello?

Well, it seems they're NOT letting me go after all. I haven't seen the ENT yet and he's the one who's going to make the determination whether I need to stay another day or not. So I have no idea...

Ok, just let me know. Once Tito gets on the bus, I can be there.

(sigh) Thank you so much, Sarah.

It's fine, I'll talk to you later.

I got home, got Tito on the bus, and fell asleep for two hours. I woke up when Beebie got home from her last day of school, crying and blotchy. She had left her purse in the gym and someone had taken it. She reported it right away, and at the end of the day, no one had turned it in. Her cell phone was in it. She was really upset.

I wasn't mad at her, but mad at the jackass kid who would take another kid's purse with a cell phone in it and not do the right thing and turn it in - and even more mad at the loser parent who doesn't teach their kid not to take something that isn't theirs. I can't imagine a parent seeing their kid with a phone that they knew they didn't have the day before and not asking them where the fuck they got it. But I called AT&T and got it shut off immediately, so it'll be useless, and so now whoever took it will probably just throw it away.

She's learned the very important Don't Let Your Purse Out Of Your Sight lesson, the hard way. The phone can be replaced, obviously, but what makes me sad is that it has pictures on it that she's taken of her brothers and her friends, which wouldn't mean anything to anybody else. The phone would be useless anyway, so at that point, why wouldn't whoever had it just turn it in?

I hate it when I am reminded that not everyone in the world is nice. That doing the right thing in a given situation isn't as important to everyone else as it is to me and the people I know.

PRESH-AH!!

Goddammit, NOT NOW.

Hello?

Hey... I'm gonna be here for a while and I'm going crazy, so I was wondering if (laughs) you felt like coming up and keeping me company?

Actually, Buffy, Beeb just got home and told me her purse and cell phone got stolen at school today.

(gasp) You're KIDDING!! Did they shut down and lock the doors and look for it?

Um, no...

Well, I would have demanded that!

She filled out a report and I talked to the assistant principal, and there wasn't any money in it or anything, just her phone and her umbrella, so really it's... I'm just kinda upset...

Oh, of course you are! I was just going to see if you could pick up Perfect Baby and keep her for a little while until Dummy gets done...

I need to call and get the phone shut off and everything, and Beeb's really a mess, but if there's no one else who can, then let me know.

And as of this moment, I haven't heard back. But the last two times I've told the story, within minutes I'm under PRESH-AH!!! So I'm kinda taking a risk by telling y'all about where I've been for the last few days, but I do it because I love you bitches.

And you've seen what I'm willing to do for people I don't even really like a whole lot.