Surprise - It Didn't Suck!

So, like I said yesterday, I woke up to Mimosas and breakfast burritos and my 37th birthday got off to a good start. We had a few minor errands to run, which included exchanging a Wii game that we'd bought for Pie last week. We had bought him the Pirates of the Carribean game, which was a little too difficult for him, so Pie exchanged it for the Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix game. Goodbye, Jack Sparrow, Hello, Professor Snape. I don't think you can actually play as Snape, but we haven't gotten that far in the game to know.

As one of my creative and frugal birthday gifts, R spent some time researching and collecting Alan Rickman sound clips for me. And I've been (ahem) enjoying them very, very much. My favorites came from the movie Mesmer, which I've never seen and which, sadly, is not available at my local Blockbuster, nor at Blockbuster Online, so I'm going to have to find it on Amazon and buy myself a Valentine gift.

While I'm on the subject, let me just briefly discuss the benefits of purchasing one's own gifts. I shopped for my own birthday gifts this year, as I made it clear to R and to everyone who cared that I was absolutely determined to have a non-sucktastic birthday this year even if it meant taking matters into my own hands.

When we got paid last week I went out and bought myself the Sweeney Todd soundtrack, which I'm sure R would have thought to purchase for me but A) I couldn't wait and B) I wanted to make extra special sure that I got the Super Duper Fancy Deluxe version with all the extra pictures. And suffice it to say, I have been extreeeeeeeeemely happy with this CD. I've been listening to it pretty much nonstop since I bought it.

My favorite part is when Johnny says "Sweeney's Waiting... C'mon, C'mon..." the beginning moments of his delicious decent into madness. Helena's singing voice doesn't thrill me like Johnny's does, but I'd still make out with her. And of course Alan Rickman sings on it, too. It's a swoonfest, girls.

I also bought myself the Knitting Pattern a Day calendar for 50% off, which, again, I'm sure R and the kids would have thought to buy for me, but I was unwilling to wait until my birthday to see if someone had thought of it, because if they hadn't, I might have a hard time finding it on January 14th. I think I like it better than last year's edition, but that could very well be because I feel much more competent now and more patterns look do-able this time around.

My parents even let me pick out my own birthday gift this year too. After spending a week playing Wii with the kids while sitting on fold-up papasan chairs, they gave me some money and let me spend it on whatever sofa/loveseat/chair combo I wanted for my living room. I found a great deal on a sofa, chair and ottoman set that had been on display and I absolutely love it.

Here's a pic:



Plus, R took Friday off to hang out with me, and we went to the Lush shop to indulge in a fantastic sale. I got Silky Underwear dusting powder among other fragrant delights. I'm big into smelling good. Ask anyone who's ever hugged me: I smell awesome. I also love it when other people smell awesome, so I got R some shaving cream at The Body Shop. I love that stuff. It reminds me of my favorite Dame Wendy scent - Wonderland.

So I was absolutely delighted with the gifts of my own choosing. I don't have to have a cake or flowers or cards or anything, and I absolutely hate the thought of everyone kissing my ass one day a year. You don't have to kiss my ass, just don't piss me off. That's all I ask. The kids let me relax in bed watching football most of the day, which was nice. At one point, however, Pie came in and asked me a question:

Mommy, I know babies come out of their mommies' tummies, but I was wondering, how do they GET IN their mommies' tummies?

I'm so not in the mood for this conversation. It's my birthday.
Go ask Dad.

Need I remind you of how poorly I handle sex questions from my kids? I mean, I'll talk hot raunchy sex with grown-ups all day and all night, but my kids' inquiries really throw me off because I have to water it down and I never know if I've watered it down enough. I do love messing with Beebie with that whole Nap thing, though. That shit was hilarious.

I forgot all about Pie's question until later when I was giving the boys a bath. Pie mentioned that he now knew how babies get in their mommies' tummies. Oh, shit, I thought. I wonder what R told him.

I hadn't given R a heads-up or touched base to make sure we were using the same terminology, like 'Daddy gives Mommy a special kind of hug and their bodies fit together kinda like a puzzle...' or something equally vague which would almost certainly invite more questions but hopefully buy me enough time to come up with some way to answer them at an appropriate level.

So I asked Pie, "Did you ask Dad about that, then?"

And Pie's response was the highlight of the entire day:


"Yeah, he went over the basics."


Thank God. I was concerned that I'd get a call from the principal saying that Pie was leading the kindergarteners in a lively discussion about the elusive G-Spot.

Cuz THAT's all I fuckin' need.