tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post2191038421914696279..comments2023-06-16T04:20:45.092-05:00Comments on BEHOLD MY BRILLIANCE *: Frustration, Thy Name is FIL.Penny Karma, aka the F-Bomb Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02920792594406507263noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-72475925842859340602007-03-08T13:11:00.000-06:002007-03-08T13:11:00.000-06:00You and R shouldn't even worry about staying in hi...You and R shouldn't even worry about staying in his good graces anymore. R should tell him that you are preggers again (pineapple for a boy, peace for a girl) and tito finally got his tattoo, beebes got her belly button pierced and there's a llama in the backyard too. <BR/>Seriously, be cordial if anything. Stop filtering the info, make stuff up or give them no info. Just focus on your own family, they weren't there for you when it counted. <BR/>You are a great mom! <BR/>Sheryl/YarnitYarnithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08134810401740311464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-21283505747399718252007-03-07T21:44:00.000-06:002007-03-07T21:44:00.000-06:00Life is too short to waste even one minute on that...Life is too short to waste even one minute on that "male" (Love the "he doesn't deserve the title of man" comment!) <BR/><BR/>Drop him from your life like a hot potato & don't let him back in unless he changes his tune. You sure don't need your kids having him make them feel about themselves the same way that he makes you feel.Cindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04651976837220884210noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-54939097209634936382007-03-07T15:16:00.000-06:002007-03-07T15:16:00.000-06:00I don't even know what to say to this, besides (((...I don't even know what to say to this, besides (((((((hugs)))))))).ZantiMissKnithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18039047551905267768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-37043705026986293362007-03-07T14:59:00.000-06:002007-03-07T14:59:00.000-06:00Maybe your FIL is related to my dad. If not, they...Maybe your FIL is related to my dad. If not, they'd probably get along well. You know, thinking of great new ways to be miserable and make people feel awful and stuff. :(adriennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16256349129098332019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-87721675710345632242007-03-07T14:53:00.000-06:002007-03-07T14:53:00.000-06:00Wow. You know, change FIL to MIL, and you've just...Wow. You know, change FIL to MIL, and you've just described the last 11 years of my life with my own Smother In Law. It is soo similar: she doesn't make suggestions to be helpful...she makes them to control and bully. Reading this really made me want to beam over and hug you, drink some wine, and compare miseries. <BR/><BR/>She actually told us one day (when we were driving her ass all over Scotland) that if we didn't change how we were treating Max, we'd "walk in one day and find him dead". Yeah, she really said that. I've decided that after 11 years, I'm tired of always trying to win her approval, much like you, because obviously it can't be done. So it's war now, and I really don't care what the fall out is.<BR/><BR/>We should chat sometime...I bet we could come up with some coping strategies. Let's share notes on your Wanker in Law and my Sea Hag In Law and see what we can do to survive...ChestyLovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12252367020621459091noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-73288996232795144462007-03-07T08:57:00.000-06:002007-03-07T08:57:00.000-06:00Oh PK,Family relationships are so complex, and its...Oh PK,<BR/><BR/>Family relationships are so complex, and its worse when you marry into a bad situation. Our situations have been very similar, down to the WIC and help from my family, but hiding it from his. Only my situation it's my MIL. She is so self-involved she has no idea how she is pushing her sons away. and talking to her about it wouldn't change anything. I've thought about confronting her, telling her how her thoughtless ego-centric behavior is hurting her son. But I know she wouldn't care. It wouldn't change anything, and dh would be even more hurt by her knowing disregard for him. Atleast now he can pretend she doesn't know how it makes him feel.<BR/><BR/>Strap on those power panties. Eat lots of chocolate, and have a terrible migraine the morning of the Easter Brunch ;)<BR/><BR/>P.S. and it goes without saying that you are an amazing mother. You approach life with wit and humor and love and honesty. Those things are more important than money, or a home in the right neighborhood. Your FIL is a complete idiot to not realize how special you truly are. R sees its. And so do we.Mammahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02229721741744499958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-42665690245582051522007-03-07T08:38:00.000-06:002007-03-07T08:38:00.000-06:00What Poops said...in spades!This guy is a critical...What Poops said...in spades!<BR/><BR/>This guy is a critical, self-important JACKASS and the only person who could make him happy is him. He should be married to himself.<BR/><BR/>I feel for you, but the only way to "get out from under" is to be as directly rude as he is. Of course, that will cause all kinds of trouble in the family, but isn't it worth it? My mom sometimes gets out of hand this way, though never to that extent. I've found that my best defense is the little hanger up button on the phone. (I do politely say "goodby" first. "OK, goodby (click)"<BR/><BR/>One last thing...he doesn't mean well. He is completely insecure, and has "control" issues and bullies his family to feel better about himself. I would spend as little time around him as I could get away with.Cindy in (un) Happy Valleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12365008061139611969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-647209344433020042007-03-07T08:37:00.000-06:002007-03-07T08:37:00.000-06:00That's just awful. How dare he publicly humiliate ...That's just awful. How dare he publicly humiliate you? A gift isn't a gift if you have to make up for it by letting him walk all over you. A gift is something given from the heart and never mentioned again.<BR/><BR/>This person is negative, intrusive, and toxic. He needs to be told to play nice, mind his own business, and shut his trap if he doesn't have anything nice to say. You're a wonderful person with an amazing sense of humor and a strong woman to boot. Why do you think we read your blog?Battyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03892116045581715793noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-25086409488520890312007-03-07T07:56:00.000-06:002007-03-07T07:56:00.000-06:00PK,What does FIL do for a living? Sounds like he i...PK,<BR/>What does FIL do for a living? Sounds like he is miserable and likely his parents were this way. Do not be an enabler. Like someone else said start your own traditions. Do not give him your self respect. Let him rant but do not surrender your dignity and self respect to him. Also on the part of being a stay at home parent, I do not know when society decided that this was not an important job, but it is still THE most important job today, bar none. <BR/>\I understand the frustration, but do not lower yourself to his standards. Be respectful, but firm and let him know you appreciate that he is so interested in your family's well being but the decisions to be made are for you and R to make and unless you ask for his advice you do not needed it. Your readers are here to give you all the advice and support you need :)Danhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05742792225646921896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-91931628755160334632007-03-07T05:27:00.000-06:002007-03-07T05:27:00.000-06:00Hey Cuz,To say that your FIL is an ass is an under...Hey Cuz,<BR/><BR/>To say that your FIL is an ass is an understatement. He is an abusive husband and father. From what I read, he brings absolutely nothing to y'all's live but misery. Why subject yourselves to that? Will your life be negatively impacted by purging him from your life?<BR/><BR/>Amyamyloviehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16417095117296883963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-86538949825017895162007-03-06T21:21:00.000-06:002007-03-06T21:21:00.000-06:00Wow! That is some toxic FIL. My thoughts are wit...Wow! That is some toxic FIL. My thoughts are with you and your family in dealing with him. As someone who is extremely close to my family, I don't know how or if you can cut those types of people out of your life. I just know that you are one amazing woman to deal with this kind of B.S.KnitterGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04091656768258611243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-56225415667432518202007-03-06T20:54:00.000-06:002007-03-06T20:54:00.000-06:00Are you married into my family? You just describe...Are you married into my family? You just described my dad almost word for word. About the house, the money, the ordering at the restaurant, etc. And I've never stood up to him. Well, I did once and he didn't talk to me for 8 years.<BR/><BR/>So I understand where you're coming from on this one. I'm honestly impressed that you're even considering standing up to him. It's terrifying! I'll be living vicariously through you when you finally take a stand! Way to go, PK!Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15733250261592548169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-56900035769007039132007-03-06T18:12:00.000-06:002007-03-06T18:12:00.000-06:00You need some chocolate. Treat yourself to some y...You need some chocolate. Treat yourself to some yummy Cadbury chocolate eggs. Mmmmmm....Evil Baritonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14506630495627071854noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-75879465180842704152007-03-06T14:31:00.000-06:002007-03-06T14:31:00.000-06:00"And part of the reason why I'm not getting it is ..."And part of the reason why I'm not getting it is because I feel like a complete failure as a parent. Why? Because that is how he makes me feel ALL THE TIME."<BR/><BR/>I think the complete failure as a parent isn't you--it's HIM. Wait, no, I don't think that, I know that!<BR/><BR/>How old is your husband? He's been putting up with this shit for how long? And FIL just manages to spread the shit. Now it's infected you.<BR/><BR/>What does he provide you guys? Obviously it's not money, I know you hate going over there, the kids probably don't enjoy it much either, but what is the worse he could do if you stood up to him? <BR/><BR/>I know, I know, easier said than done, but this man is a cancer and he's metastisized and infected you now too. Is it too late to save the kids???Bezziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11359396377873745454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-88706935516431582922007-03-06T14:03:00.000-06:002007-03-06T14:03:00.000-06:00Sarah Babe,You have almost perfectly described my ...Sarah Babe,<BR/><BR/>You have almost perfectly described my mother's step-father in this blog instalment about FIL. "almost" because I get the sense that FIL may accidentally actually be as fucken great as he wants everybody else to be, and my step-grandfather was a low level flunky accountant who had no reasonable basis whatsoever to mistreat all the people that he mistreated. BUT, all that aside, I learned some lessons in dealing with the son-of-a-bitch that are probably directly applicable to your situation. Number ONE, quit letting R "report" to him about any-damn-thing. Fuck him! You're grown ups, if he doesn't like it he can blow it out his fuckin ass! Nuber TWO immediately stop letting your children ever be in the same house with this man, because you don't want them to catch the "dumb-ass" from him. If he has even e shred of humanity at all, losing contact with his grandchildren will get his attention in one hell of a hurry, and just might make him see that the problem might be with himself and not with you. Please understand, I am not a therapist, licensed or unlicensed, these are only the opinions of a human being, and I do not offer you any guarantees, warrantees, or assurances that anything I have said is correct. (Whew!) (Do you believe that I'm a lawyer yet?)Joel Widdershinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11679566521815208690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-28005417174570575792007-03-06T12:29:00.000-06:002007-03-06T12:29:00.000-06:00Oh I agree with Poops totally. He is getting off o...Oh I agree with Poops totally. He is getting off on having you two, and the rest of the family, under his thumb. What ajerk to even tell his wife that dinner could have been better. I know a certain man that would be fixing his own damn dinners if he ever told me that. <BR/><BR/>If I were in your shoes, I would totally pack up and walk out (or hang up) if he started his crap again. Easier said than done, I know. <BR/><BR/>Just remember what Elanor Roosevelt said: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." You are a wonderful mom. You are a wonderful wife. And you are hella-funny (yes, I pulled out the hella-funny).Pinkwoolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09765690367188576146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-32635091043561773332007-03-06T11:58:00.000-06:002007-03-06T11:58:00.000-06:00My lovely PK, don't take crap from that bully anym...My lovely PK, don't take crap from that bully anymore. That's what he is, plain and simple.<BR/><BR/>Your therapist suggested cautiously telling him that he hurt your feelings? May I suggest the Denis Leary school of therapy? Tell him to "Shut the Fuck Up". <BR/><BR/>No one has ever confronted this man about his negativity? I don't care how well meaning he is, he's no better than that kid that calls you fat on the playground or twists your arm until you cry. He gets off on his power trip and I think it's high time he came down a peg. I'd strap on my big girl power panties and let him have it, since just avoiding him altogether is apparently impossible. Though perhaps if you got up in his face, he'd avoid you. Either way, you win.<BR/><BR/>What a wanker. You deserve better. You're a great mom and a hell of a funny person. I hate how he makes you feel. No wonder you need meds.<BR/><BR/>Should you decide you wanna give him a wedgie or stick his head in the toilet, I got your back, baby!Poopshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17174638845924331440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-12247526155600109722007-03-06T11:26:00.000-06:002007-03-06T11:26:00.000-06:00PK, I had NO idea he was THAT bad. I have been re...PK, I had NO idea he was THAT bad. I have been reading your blog for almost 6 months, but I had no clue. How unbelievably horrible for you!!<BR/><BR/>My aunt's husband has a truly terrible father as well (though he pales in comparison to your FIL) and he refused to have children with my aunt, simply out of fear that he would become his father. Kudos to you and R for being the SUCCESSFUL parents you are. You're a good mother, I'm sure of it. I hope that you are proud of your accomplishments!darlene mcleodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10388221011175331452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-77894278519057896022007-03-06T11:05:00.000-06:002007-03-06T11:05:00.000-06:00Wow. What an asshole. My mom has spent her entire ...Wow. What an asshole. My mom has spent her entire married life with in-law issues (since 1959!) and it's awful. It's easy for me to say, but you and R need to find a way not to let this man run your lives. Hang up on him when he rants at you. Leave when he turns on you during a social visit. It finally came to that with my dad and his mom, when I was a kid. My dad just packed us all in the car and we drove off two days ahead of schedule and didn't go back for 4 years. My grandmother backed off some for a while, until extreme old age made her crotchedy again. <BR/><BR/>You know yourself that this tyrant will never be pleased. It's costing you too much to keep trying to please him. <BR/><BR/>And feeling like a failure as a stay-at-home mom? I completely get that. Some kids are just harder to parent than others. It's really true. No one can judge who hasn't walked in your shoes.<BR/><BR/>Hang in there! You are loved by a whole world of internet devotees! The opinion of one petty imperious asshole isn't enough to offset that.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04278529449974055377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17399290.post-41982881541654049892007-03-06T10:36:00.000-06:002007-03-06T10:36:00.000-06:00You must really love your husband, to put up with ...You must really love your husband, to put up with this crap!<BR/><BR/>That male needs to be told that he's out of line and soon. Dear, remember, your children are watching how this male treats you. They are learning. What do you want them to learn.<BR/><BR/>Your husband needs to decide...you or his father. And if you want to get Biblical, the Bible has clear instructions on what his choice should be!<BR/><BR/>This male (I'm sorry, but he doesn't deserve the title of man) is affecting your health and your children's upbringing!<BR/><BR/>Don't do Easter with them. Start your own holiday tradtion alone.<BR/><BR/>Argh! Personally, now I want to go tell him off for you!Libihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04669345613184887701noreply@blogger.com